Hell Fest (2018) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A girl and her friends are stalked by a killer at a horror-themed amusement park.

Review: As I mentioned with "Haunt," there are a ton of movies about horror attractions having real killers in them. That's pretty much their entire premise. In the case of "Hell Fest," the killer does come into the park independently, but you get the gist of things. On the bright side, the Hell Fest location itself is really cool--bordering more on an amusement park than a typical haunt. This was definitely the highlight of the film since it was fun watching the characters go through such an elaborate setup. If this is based on a real place then I want to go!

In essence, "Hell Fest" is mediocre slasher fare. My main gripe lies with the killer being too omniscient and seemingly teleporting. For a film that's final "twist" is showing that the killer is just a regular family man when the mask comes off, how do you throw realism out the window as you go? This guy always knows where the main characters are, how to get ahead of them, knows the inner workings of the park, and has the same damn costume as other people in the park too?! Come on, son, this is absurd. Others might be able to ignore this if the story can deliver the slasher goodness but it doesn't. There are only a handful of kills, and they're quite tame by slasher standards. The filmmakers focus more on the stalking which could have worked, but this guy ain't Michael Myers lurking in the shadows.

Of course, it's not all bad. As mentioned, the park is awesome and offers a large variety of horror scenarios. If anything, the park entertained me more than whatever was going on with the main cast. In fairness, this group was acceptable in their roles; they could pass for realistic friends especially when half were just boyfriends to the main chicks. You have a cameo by Tony Todd which was nice, and his voice is heard all throughout the movie in recordings. Finally, I did like that final reveal even if it's the loosest of twists--if you can even consider it a twist; a real killer would have a normal life to some degree.

Overall, "Hell Fest" isn't going to feel original, however, the core premise can be entertaining enough. The look and design of the horror attraction is probably worth the view alone, but don't expect to be wowed by the slasher elements. Likewise, if you're looking for an actual scary movie, or one with any kind of real tension, then look elsewhere. If you've watched the trailer for "Hell Fest" then you already know what kind of ride you're in for. Maybe check it out this Halloween for a movie marathon--make it the first of the night while people are still settling in and getting their food since you won't need to pay attention much to get the story.

Notable Moment: This isn't the best, but it sure was the most ludicrous scene--when a bunch of people, wearing the exact same mask/hoodie combo of the killer, mess with the main girl. Yeaaaah, okaaaay. Should have called this movie Contrivance Fest.

Final Rating: 5.5/10

Terrifier Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A homicidal clown stalks two women, and anyone else in his way, one Halloween night.

Review: This is going to require a little bit of background. I've already reviewed a movie called "All Hallows Eve" which featured the killer here, Art the clown. Now, a significant portion of that film is comprised of preexisting shorts. Of those shorts, one included Art that was also called "Terrifier." Essentially, this is a feature-length version of that initial short, yet, heavily deviates from the Art we saw depicted in "All Hallows Eve." Rather than some kind of supernatural being, this Art appears to be human from what I can tell. Now, I suppose it's possible he could be turned supernatural, similarly to Jason, and then this could connect to "All Hallows Eve." Guess we will have to see whenever part 2 is released.

As for this movie standing on its own...eh, it wasn't that great. There simply wasn't enough material to work with, and the padding to the running time is palpable. Every time things should just about wrap up, another character pops up to get killed and drag things out longer. I found myself getting bored fast with a movie striving for shock and awe. The story tries to throw a few curveballs, but you will see them coming miles away. More so, these twists are nonsensical; like, why would the sister kill a TV show host? Another annoying aspect is how many times Art fake dies. You can get away with this, pretty much, once per film, but that's it. Finally, this doesn't feel too much like a Halloween movie since the character costumes are flimsy, and no one else in the movie seems to even acknowledge what day it is.

This isn't to say it's all bad. I did like that hazy look to the cinematography. Art's look is effectively creepy especially with those teeth and that hooked nose. In general, I think there will be aspects others may find entertaining. Nevertheless, I wasn't impressed by this outing for Art. I did enjoy "All Hallows Eve" more than most, but that incarnation of Art was more interesting to me--he had more of a mystique and allure. The "Terrifier" version seems too ridiculous with an outlandish amount of supplies in that dumb trash bag he carries. I can't really recommend this for casual viewing since it's nothing more than strung along murders with the lightest of plots to hold it all together. However, if you did like the previous shorts involving Art then maybe you will find mild enjoyment with "Terrifier."

Notable Moment: When the girls are eating pizza of course! Those slices looked big and cheesy too!

Final Rating: 5/10

Haunt (2019) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A group of friends visit an "extreme" haunted house on Halloween as mayhem ensues.

Review: "Haunt" starts off well enough but falters fairly quickly. Over the years, I've covered other movies that use "haunts" as a plot device, and it typically doesn't work out. You already know the drill with the attraction being real which sort of feels like a derivative of funhouse-themed movies of the past. In this instance, the buildup was what made things interesting. The design of the haunt--with "Saw" inspired traps and puzzles--kept you guessing where things might go. Perhaps a big payoff was coming? Not really. However, what truly dragged down the movie for me, along with my rating, is the continual usage of characters doing painfully stupid things no sane person would do. Hello, did you just deliberately bring a bat to a gunfight?! People might say horror is notorious for characters not acting naturally, but there's a difference between running up the stairs instead of out the door versus putting your hand out to stop a shotgun! You ain't Neo, sweetheart.

Starting with the good, I'll definitely acknowledge the tension as the group enters the haunt. You know things are going to go badly, but the killers present a kind of enticing scenario that appears real enough. As mentioned, the structure of the haunt is cool. It starts off innocent enough with cheap props to lull the victims into a false sense of security that way they don't know when the killings have begun. The pacing is on track with a steady series of kills to keep you interested. The girl in the nurse costume (something about those nurses, I tell ya) was a fun character and an original kind of quirky; she keeps mentioning factoids that she's learned from her 46 cousins! Other than that, the general look and tone are respectable.

As for the fault's, I might as well start with the killers themselves. These aren't just your typical psychos--they have mutilated their faces to look scary yet how could they function on a normal day to day basis? I get that this is implied to be extreme body modification, yet, we get no backstory or motive for why these goofballs kill. There is something about wanting to get people's "masks" off but whatever, dude. But that's not the main issue at hand. The core characters are boring and cliched. When the best friend disappeared I forgot she even existed, because she had contributed so little up to that point. Other than the aforementioned nurse chickadee, no one else is entertaining in the least, and they kill her off way, way too early. The main chick's backstory was weak, and her boyfriend drama was soooo fucking stupid except to add another victim to the fodder. As an extension, the asinine actions of the characters were annoying; the one guy deliberately going out of his way to beat the one killer with the bat was probably the worst. Finally, the ending was intended to be satisfying but felt forced and nonsensical with the main chick magically going all Kevin McCallister.

All things considered, "Haunt" is still slightly above average. It does have its moments and can be entertaining at times especially toward the beginning. It's not going to feel original, yet, the story and setup are engaging enough to pull you in. If you're waiting for a big reveal, or something noteworthy, that's not here unless seeing the ugly faces of the killers was supposed to blow your mind. While the characters are stock, they're acceptable in these roles. I wouldn't necessarily recommend wasting your Halloween on a movie like this, but if you are planning to binge a slew of horror films then I guess this would make for decent filler viewing in between the first and last of the night.

Notable Moment: When they prematurely kill nurse girl. Not that this scene was great or anything, but how can you kill off the best character only halfway in?! And she was a nurse! Sure, she wasn't in sexy nurse attire but still!

Final Rating: 5.5/10

Trick (2019) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: After going on a killing spree, a teen is, seemingly, killed only to return every Halloween to continue his rampage.

Review: I'm actually surprised by how good this movie turned out to be; it wasn't at all how I imagined given the various plot summaries. Of course, "Trick" takes inspiration from the likes of "Halloween" and various other horror films, however, this is more of a detective story. Yet, this still isn't enough to properly describe what is happening here--it's a wonderful amalgamation of ideas you've seen before but presented originally. I'd go as far as to say this would have made for an interesting remake concept for the "Halloween" franchise as a whole. Imagine Michael Myers returning every single Halloween, rather than the nonsense we got, and how the police and locals would handle him realistically. Now, there are some problems with this movie, but what really drags things down is that I wish the story wrapped up after it's big reveal--things go on for 10 minutes too long.

So Trick is actually the nickname of the killer himself, Patrick, who simply goes nuts one Halloween night at a party. After killing a bunch of his classmates he takes a ton of physical abuse including being skewered, shot, and thrown out a window. The police conclude there is no way he could be alive, but they never find the body. The following Halloween Trick is spotted, seemingly alive, killing more people. Then this happens the next Halloween and then the next and so on. Eventually Trick becomes almost like an urban legend on the internet, the police don't know what to do, and the FBI doesn't believe there is enough evidence to attribute the killings to one man--one man who could not have survived that initial fight against the police. The main detective, Denver, has become obsessed with Trick and believes the kid might be some kind of supernatural being if he can't be killed and is always staying one step ahead of the police. With this setup, we get a fantastic and enthralling mystery that you will want to see to its conclusion.

The characters are somewhat cliched, with this universe having its own Loomis and Laurie, but your expectations will be toyed with. There is also significantly more CARNAGE CANDY than most horror movies. I mean, the body count in this movie is massive; Trick is shown killing a ton of people every Halloween for like 5 years plus the people trying to stop him. This is also important to mention since Randy himself, Jamie Kennedy, is in this movie. Then there's Tom Atkins which came as a surprise since I kept thinking he was dead. Oops! The pacing is somewhat faster than it needed to be, but this will definitely keep audiences thoroughly engaged with the events. I will point out that you need to be paying attention during these quick transitions since many of the clues for the final reveal are there if you have a keen eye. I didn't fully guess the twist, but I did suspect the obvious: Trick isn't a supernatural killer. But how did he survive? How come he can't be caught?

Here is your last big spoiler warning! I both like and hate that Trick was a group of people. On one hand the clues are definitely there with the physical evidence pointing to different people and the FBI insisting it's a copycat killer. The filmmakers do handle this perfectly, but it's still somewhat disappointing to find out that all these random, background characters were in on it. Likewise, Trick, the original one, surviving the initial fight with the police is still quite absurd even if he's permanently crippled. Besides, I don't get how he organized all of this from the onset, including erasing his life as a kid, when so many parts of the plan could have gone wrong. And why risk everything on the fifth Halloween by going after the original survivors? It would have been better if the events came together naturally. I mean, things like the chick forgetting she stabbed Trick was contrived when it didn't need to be. Last thing I'll add is that the movie should have ended once you found out Trick was still alive and had henchmen continuing on the myth. Everything afterward was lame and ridiculous. How many stabs can Denver take?! Should have saved that shit for a sequel since the story still sequel-baits. Oh well.

Overall, I was quite pleased with "Trick." It's definitely worthy of being a "Halloween" alternative that's for sure. While this is more of a mystery than horror, slasher fans will get an impressive bloodbath nonetheless. The reveal is cool despite the flaws, and the mystery of what is happening is fully engaging on all levels. It helped me to go into this blind, but I don't think viewers will be disappointed. Now grab your bag of candy and enjoy the show!

Notable Moment: I guess it's funny to me that, in hindsight, the event that set into motion all the killings was Trick not wanting to kiss another guy while playing makeshift spin the bottle.

Final Rating: 6.5/10

Halloween at Aunt Ethel's Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Zany antics ensue as some girl becomes fixated on an old lady killing kids in the neighborhood.

Review: Oh, wowwee, where to even begin with this disaster? First and foremost, ignore the high ratings and positive reviews. The shilling from the cast and crew is pathetic and unforgivable. Next, let's address the obvious: this movie is fucking SHIT! Realistically, the running time is like an hour, but the credits are ludicrously long, there are bloopers, and a song made about the Aunt Ethel character. Typically, I might even like these shenanigans if they were done tastefully, but that hour of running time was so painfully stupid I couldn't even tolerate another second of this pure garbage. You know it's bad when they can't even nail the schoolgirl outfit which is used plentifully throughout. I mean, come the fuck on, dude!

You know the drill at this point. The effects are cheap, the acting is atrocious, the cinematography is trash, and the story is moronic beyond imagination. I won't even tell you how much time I spent trying to figure out if Aunt Ethel was played by a man. This bitch is just killing people in broad daylight in an average neighborhood even with the blinds open on the windows. Nobody notices, nobody calls the police, and she gets away with this for years with none any the wiser. Riiiiight. There's a difference between trying to be funny and outright idiocy. Guess which one this is? I'll admit, some jokes are funny and do land, however, that hardly compensates for the eye-rolling moments at every torturous second. Don't even get me started on that retarded ending. Good lord!

While I can laugh at something as dumb as pickled chocolate, it's hard to put up with this level of mindless humor. They do throw in titties, but I just ended up feeling sorry for these actors. This may not be the worst of the Halloween-themed movies I've covered, but it's definitely right there at the bottom. This isn't even a so bad it's good kind of situation either. Worse, the shilling to give out fake reviews and ratings irks me greatly. For that, I'll give this film an even lower rating which is already embarrassing as it is.

Notable Moment: When the "karate kid" chokes some girl out. Okay, I'll admit I did laugh at that scene.

Final Rating: 2.5/10

The Barn Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: One Halloween, a group of teens discover that a local urban legend is real.

Review: Another year and I continue my effort to review all the movies that use Halloween as a plot device. In this instance, "The Barn" delivers low-budget done right! Now, I'm not saying this movie is going to rival "Halloween" or anything--let's not get ahead of ourselves--but the filmmakers understood how to utilize that tight budget in the most meaningful and creative ways. However, what truly impressed me was how Halloween as a holiday was implemented. The combination of an urban legend that was intertwined with Halloween traditions was fantastic. Furthermore, the attempt at an '80s throwback was appreciated even if not quite realized.

So what's working? The main character, Sam, is semi-obsessed with Halloween and respects the traditions that have been altered over the centuries in regard to the harvest. For example, scary costumes are intended to trick evil spirits into believing you are one of them; or that treats are meant to keep the spirits at bay lest they play a mischievous trick upon you. The story doesn't fully use all of these ideas, but it was certainly a breath of fresh air that I wasn't expecting. Beyond this, "The Barn" gives us the goods: carnage candy! I was surprised by the body count this film racked up. There are cliched characters abound, yet, the filmmakers still felt obligated to massacre half the town for good measure. I approve. The '80s aspects are fun especially since I remember having a lot of those shitty paper decorations that you'd, pretty much, have to tape to doors or windows. Structurally, I also think the outright shenanigans of the story is '80s-esque in the best of ways; I mean, they even have a gearing up to fight montage.

Okay, I'm making this sound pretty good--and it is good for what it is--but you need to remember this is low-budget as hell. The effects are noticeably cheap, the acting is shoddy, and the camerawork is annoying since it must zoom in closely to hide small sets or whatever. While I can overlook much, I don't think the casual viewer will be as forgiving. I also cannot ignore the general cornball nature to much of the story. For example, we are shown that something similar happened in this town 30 years prior yet the demons did not kill everyone then? How come the main characters are able to hold their own against the monsters while everyone else is ripped to shreds? If it's because they're in costume, and hold sway over the monsters, that's not addressed whatsoever. There are plenty of other plot details like this, but I will allow the viewer to see for themselves.

Despite the flaws, "The Barn" is pretty damn good for an indie movie. In fact, I'd place it fairly high on the list of alternatives to "Halloween." Again, this isn't some incredible hidden gem, but it's probably significantly better than you'd imagine especially if you want to see a movie show some love for the Halloween holiday itself. There is room for a sequel so maybe some day we will get another installment with hopefully a bigger budget to give a glimpse of what happens when the devil doesn't get his treats on Halloween!

Notable Moment: When, like, 20+ people get torn to pieces at the "harvest hootenanny."

Final Rating: 6/10