Tokyo Urban Legend Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: An anthology of four, unrelated horror tales.

Review: This is a case of good ideas with absolute shit execution. The stories aren't exactly groundbreaking in the first place, however, just when things are building up the segments crash and burn. More noticeable is that there is no clear direction--no through line as a guiding principle to help each story. So we have no wrap around, no common plot themes, and the segments range from 5 to 30 minutes long arbitrarily. This feels more akin to a collection of random internet videos than a legitimate anthology. The only noticeable commonality is the camerawork...that's about it. In fact, the very title itself is nonsensical since none of the stories take place in Tokyo (from what I can tell), and only the last tale involves an urban legend. The fuck? Oh well, let's take a look at what we get here.

Roommate: Honestly things don't start off too bad. Two girls, Yumi and Kasumi, share an apartment together, but aren't necessarily friends. Yumi discovers that Kasumi is banging her ex-boyfriend, and the two split up seemingly. Sometime later it becomes obvious that Yumi is dead, but she returns as a Kayako-clone. We learn that the boyfriend killed Yumi, because she was going to blab that he was nailing both chicks. He ain't that good looking. So his response is to also kill Kasumi while Kayako-Yumi watches. The end? Uh okaaaaay. Don't these ghosts usually want revenge? Well, yes, apparently she just wanted Kasumi to die more than her own murderer. In hindsight, at least this segment had a resolution so it's probably the best of the bunch sadly.

Lottery: This story pissed me off the most. Some guy realizes he's won the lottery and is trying to figure out a way to hide the ticket until he can cash it. This segment is actually quite funny. Unfortunately, right when you think this is gonna be a dark comedy story, the guy has some dude knocking on his door that he doesn't want to talk to. Then the camera pans back to the guy's closet and his own dead body is in there. The end! No, FUCK YOU! This segment is mere minutes long and is an incomplete failure. Who the hell would be okay with creating this? So his ghost is imagining this? Or we are seeing the future where the door-man kills the main guy for the ticket? Well, if it's the latter, then that is fucking horrendous editing!

Woman with the Bandaged Face: Now this is the kind of story that fits a Japanese urban legend, yet, they don't present this story coherently. Two sisters, apparently living without their parents, start to notice bloody trash bags outside, and the younger sister sees this creepy woman dropping the bags off. Covered in these bandages, the younger sister is rightfully alarmed especially when she keeps staring down the sister. There are these interludes between scenes of what appears to be the older sister in a chatroom or something. The story sets up this notion that the older sister is either the bandaged woman or wants the bandaged woman to kill the younger sister. But neither of these options occur which, once again, removes any kind of payoff. Instead, the bandaged woman literally teleports into the kitchen and kills both sisters. The segment ends with more internet chatter as if this explains the idiocy we have been shown. They even speculate if the bandaged woman was a ghost since she teleported but try and claim a clever person could have done it. Yeaaah, so clever you discovered a way to walk through a wall. What the fuck is even happening in this movie?! At least the older sister was a babe!

Her name is Kaori Tsubaki for anyone curious.

Suicide High School: Finally, wrapping things up is the only story to involve an urban legend. Unfortunately, it borders on pretentious and has a nonsensical ending which appears to be the true theme of this movie. Yet again, we have two sisters except this time one is making a documentary, or something, while the other is the one supplying the material. The gist is that some girl was bullied, committed suicide, and now her ghost supernaturally attracts other girls to the school to kill themselves. The older sister and her partner dig up the details on the story and eventually find the rumored school. While filming, the two see ghost girl and she shows them her true story which was actually her murder and body hidden by a teacher. I mean, it's a super cliched tale, but I can accept it. However, they couldn't just stop there, could they? When you think things are over, the younger sister appears and wants to commit suicide because she's being bullied too? I don't know! We are given no context or evidence for this shit, and the older sister doesn't seem to be trying to stop it either which was moronic. Then we cut to a TV on a stairwell with a wannabe PSA about anti-bullying while the credits roll. Come again? Seriously, what the hell is happening with this movie?!

Overall, this film is a mess from start to finish and severely lacking where it matters most. While the general premises behind each segments were interesting, or even fun, the segments fail to deliver every single time in such a way as to infuriate the viewer. The running time is relatively short as well so I think there could have been a wraparound of some sort to tie things up better. Hell even something as basic as someone sitting around reading about each segment in a tabloid about urban legends could have enhanced the experience. It just feels like so little effort was put into anything. This is an easy skip unless a particular story piques your interest for whatever reason.

Notable Moment: In the "Lottery" story when the guy says thanks and goodbye to the picture of his girlfriend and places it face down. I don't know, that shot of her goofy face made it seem like an homage to Buzz's girlfriend in "Home Alone." Man, they could have done so much with the tale but decided it was only worth 5 minutes. Good lord.

Final Rating: 4.5/10

Hide and Never Seek Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Two guys that run a paranormal livestream discover their most recent investigation is real.

Review: Man, this was some seriously wasted potential...yet again. If you've watched the "Hide and Go Kill" movies (which I've reviewed), then you should be familiar with the general premise here. I was actually surprised that they'd use this story line, because I'm left to believe that this is a real ghost story in Japan now? Or did the Korean filmmakers simply like the concept and thought people wouldn't be familiar with this "hide and seek alone" game? Anybody out there know what is the dealio? Regardless, it's not that this movie simply fumbles the premise, it's that the filmmakers forgot to include any scares or tension. Even at the climax, when everything should be hitting a horrific crescendo, nothing happens to make the payoff worth it.

"Hide and Never Seek" does start off promising enough as we are introduced to the main guys; these two run an internet show where they investigate various paranormal stories. The two guys not getting along makes little sense that they'd work together, but I guess that helps create banter to keep the plot rolling. Anyway, the opening segment gave me a lot of hope for what was to come. because the characters lean more on disbelief in the paranormal as they try to prove a story is fake. Unfortunately, that early momentum dwindles once we get to the primary story which involves the aforementioned "hide and seek alone" ghost game. The main guys are sent a video of two girls playing the game which prompts them to launch an investigation worthy of their show. We get lots of moments where you think something cool or scary may happen but nope. At last, when they have their big investigation at night--at the same location of the video and performing their own "hide and seek alone" ritual--we finally get some action. However, this climax is short-lived and unfulfilling with many questions left unanswered and ideas squandered. For example, why was that girl in the water tower if the ghosts drag you off to Kayako-land? Why was the one girl on that island in the beginning? It goes on.

The "hide and seek alone" urban legend, or whatever you'd classify it as, is interesting, but it was handled better in the "Hide and Go Kill" movies. In this instance, the story doesn't incorporate enough of this urban legend into the action. More so, there is little attention put into keeping the tension raised during the running time; well, unless decoy scares impress you. I mean, we know the characters are in danger since it's a horror movie, but the movie does not properly instill that atmosphere or any sense of dread. And the way that their first case connected to the current one was flimsy and stupid. Were the filmmakers just so desperate to create twists that they added shit as an afterthought?

Despite these flaws, there were still good ideas here and there. The core story line of the movie is intriguing, and could have been a great fit for the found-footage genre. Sadly, the scarier premise would have been to make a movie about the two girls that originally played the game and showing their lives spiral into madness with ghosts after them. Oh well. I can't say that "Hide and Never Seek" will deliver enough entertainment, but it's competently made and is more fun if you've watched the "Hide and Go Kill" movies. Of course, they blew the chance to connect this film to those movies, but maybe that would be asking too much.

Notable Moment: The opening sequence at the cursed island. I kept thinking this girl in the well story would bridge everything together, but we didn't even get clarity about whether or not that old man murdered her or what.

Final Rating: 5.5/10

Kidan: Piece of Darkness Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: An anthology involving 10 horror tales sent in to a writer.

Review: Well, you're definitely getting some bang for your buck here. Supposedly these stories are from the works of a writer named Fuyumi Ono; can't say that I'm familiar with her work. Essentially, this understanding about the writer works toward the unorthodox framing device they use here. Instead of a traditional wraparound (or nothing at all), "Kidan" opts for this writer acting as the narrator to the stories. You never see her, yet, you can kind of imagine it being like a radio show or something. For the most part, these stories are straightforward with the usage of Japanese horror tropes, but that doesn't mean they can't be fun. So let's have a rundown of each segment.

Overtaking: Kicking things off is a short tale to pull the audience in. Before you even get the framing device setup, we see a group of friends who are said to like the idea of finding ghosts and being scared but don't actually want to see one. As it turns out, they come across a ghostly woman hitchhiking who gives them chase while they try to drive away. And that's it really. This merely works to establish the tone which isn't always the most serious. While the ghost effect is weak, this was a promising way to start things.

Shadow Man: Slowing down the pacing a bit, we get the first story to come after the title card. A grandma is watching her grandchildren until they all nap. She wakes up to a loud banging which is someone smacking their hands against the glass door. As granny gets closer the apparition seemingly disappears but reappears behind her. This is just a dream or is it? Later on, when the mom shows up, her and granny hear the banging again. Unfortunately, little is explained and the story sorta ends when it's getting good. This is when it will become apparent that having these stories represent "fan-mail," if you will, takes away a lot of the tension knowing the characters are obviously alive to write the letters.

Tailed: When a girl is coming home from school she sees a strange man in blue standing around. I guess this bothers her so much she finds the nearest old man to stop this pesky standing. It's implied she saw his ghost, because the man in blue is shown to have hanged himself. I also want to acknowledge a lot of people hang themselves in these stories. Anyway, this girl sees the man in blue all over and the tale ends with the idea that the ghost is attached to her somehow throughout her whole life. Eh, this could have been scarier, but it had a certain level of realism that worked--as if this could be someone's actual account.

Looking Together: Two teachers apparently have a fling, but the guy doesn't want anything serious. For whatever reason, this sends the other teacher over the edge and she kills herself shortly after. Immediately after this, the ghost of the woman comes back and clingier than ever. A normal man might crumble under the fear. Not this guy! He puts up with her otherworldly shit like a champ, and that's all that really happens. One thing that baffled me here was, when the ghost is teleporting around to be creepy, a student bumps into her and thinks nothing of it. I don't understand why this was included. Is there some meaning to that? I thought maybe we'd discover it was an elaborate hoax. Oh well.

The Woman in Red: This is a segment that will be much closer to what fans may expect. There is an urban legend about, you guessed it, a woman in red who comes after anyone who talks about her. A new girl in school tells a few classmates this at a surprise birthday party. As it turns out, this is like "The Ring" but instead of a tape you just need to hear someone explain the legend with every detail. As it turns out, the new girl couldn't find anyone to tell at her old school, since they all knew about it, and so she moved to spread it. Sure enough, the woman in red appears and kills(?) most of the girls. Tough to say what she's actually doing. Likewise, it's never really said if she's a ghost or what since she runs around like a lunatic. The woman in red herself is effective enough but nothing special. I did like this story, however, it's as cookie-cutter as it gets at this point.

Empty Channel: I had a lot of hope for this tale since it took a different approach. Some guy is trying to find an education radio station (I guess that's real?) but stumbles upon a crazy lady going apeshit. Obviously this lady is a ghost, but you may notice the stories jump around time periods without ever explicitly setting up a date. As time goes on, this guy becomes almost possessed by the ghost on the radio station. This guy does kill himself, but it's unclear if it was the ghost or if he did it to be with her or something. They probably could have handled this material better given the interesting premise. Still, it was okay.

Whose Kid?: This wasn't a particularly good segment, but, I don't know, the characters here are so goofy and funny it works better than it should. These two teachers are the last at school when the one hints that strange things happen at night. This scares the other, but, before he knows it, the other guy has bailed. I just love how the one teacher keeps saying smartass replies in English. Anyway, some little girl appears and taunts the remaining teacher. Now, any sane person would see that it's painfully obvious she's a ghost, but this guy goes fucking nuts chasing her around the school talking shit the whole time in the best of ways. Meanwhile, the other guy comes back just to add more banter to the situation. Once the one teacher realizes he's chasing a ghost he runs away finally. Eventually the two teachers meet back up and realize that this little girl is maybe something more evil than a ghost. I'd honestly like to see more of these two goofballs! Of course, I can understand others not liking the comedic tone presented here.

Let's Carry On: The dumbest kids in the world decide to play in a graveyard even after horrible accidents continue to occur. For the most part, this was not the best structured tale as it makes little sense that kids would ignore everyone narrowly surviving falls and trips that probably should kill them. Sure, when like a kid or two got fucked up, fine, but when five kids are down why would the group continue? I suppose it might be implied they have to do this for supernatural reasons, however, that would be mere speculation. Anyway, the kids are eliminated one after another by these accidents until one kid is left. Just when you think it's over, some blood-drenched kid comes running out of nowhere to join the fun. Now, I'll admit that was kind of scary and unexpected how they showed this. In fact, I'd say that payoff made the story worth it in general.

Thief: Well every anthology must have a worst story...say hello. Perhaps they wanted a segment more grounded in reality, but this felt more pretentious than anything. Some lady with a bunch of kids is pregnant one day yet slim the next; the lady says she was just fat. The main girl comes across some boy that indirectly explains his apparent murder at birth or maybe late-term abortion--I don't know. So he's a ghost? None of this matters since the main girl simply confronts the lady who denies everything. The end? Yeah, the end. This entry didn't fit the tone and themes of the other tales, and this realization makes it stick out like a sore thumb.

Sealed: Okay, so it's the last segment...will this movie drop the ball? Given the history of this blog the odds aren't in "Kidan's" favor. I'm proud to say they do deliver the goods! More so, this might be the best story of the bunch too! Wowwee, has that even happened before? The story is that the main chick broke up with her cheating boyfriend and wants him to pick up his stuff. In the background, the girl keeps noticing that her closet door is opening slightly. Earlier, we saw that the closet is actually so packed that there couldn't possibly be someone in there either. She tests the door and continues to close it until one day she gets frustrated and ties it shut. While lying in bed, the girl notices the ribbon she used to tie the door is being pulled through the crack and unraveling. This shot is done quite well.  This is where this story pulls a fast one on the audience since you think it will be about a haunted closet or whatever. Instead, this piece of luggage we saw in the closest actually has Kayako hanging out in it! Well, it's not really her but close enough. The next day the ex-boyfriend comes to get his stuff which included the piece of luggage. When he goes to open it, Kayako springs out to grab him. Instead of helping the ex, the main chick helps send that cheating sumabitch off to Kayako-land! It ends with the main chick satisfied and throwing away the piece of luggage. Although the luggage could have always been haunted, I think we can assume the ex killed the girl that haunts it. The way he says he found it, and the way he looks at some tools, it feels suspicious and would explain why the ghost didn't kill the main girl. Not a bad way to wrap things up that's for sure.

There is a lot to take in here with ten tales. Some might think this is an instance of quantity over quality, but there are still some winners in the mix. Most tales do border on the mediocre side, however, there's really only one stinker in the bunch which isn't a bad total. My main gripe is toward the lack of anything particularly original or even done differently. Sure, something like the "Sealed" story worked remarkably well, but it's still just a Kayako/Sadako clone except in the closet. Nevertheless, I think the amount of stories, and the surprising amount of quality to them, makes this movie worth seeking out.

Notable Moment: Hmm, there are a few great moments to chose from. I think I'll go with the ghost popping up in the "Let's Carry On" segment since, not only does it come as a surprise, it salvages what's mostly a subpar segment.

Final Rating: 6.5/10