Halloween Kills Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: After surviving his apparent defeat, Michael heads back to his childhood home and kills anyone in his path.

Review: This was a tough one to rate, and I can see it being one of the most divisive entries in the franchise. There are a lot of plot aspects I love as if the writers tweaked this entry based on my own complaints about the 2018 film. On the other hand, this isn't a proper depiction of Michael, and there were serious pacing issues--reeking of filler to create a trilogy. Strangely enough, the thing that keeps sticking with me days after viewing "Halloween Kills" is the serendipitous continuation of 1978's Halloween night through the flashback sequence; I'll touch more on that later.

So what works here is the carnage candy! Michael kills more people here than in most of the previous entries combined. If all you want out of your "Halloween" sequel is Michael doing his thing, then, believe me, "Halloween Kills" more than delivers the goods. The inclusion of past survivors did help to bring everything together since the film emphasized this notion of the town uniting to take down Michael. Speaking of which, the big showdown against Michael was satisfying. The criticisms of this scene are unwarranted with people pointing to a lack of guns brought to the knife fight. True, this is a bit contrived but not stupid in context. The town wants to vent on Michael which is why they want to beat and stab him to death rather than just blow him away. Besides, Mikey is shot plenty too.

Another major criticism I want to address about the uneven storytelling is that you need to understand this isn't a movie about someone trying to survive Michael--this is a movie about Michael trying to get home, overcoming all obstacles he faces, and transforming into the bogeyman. This is an important distinction to make since no other entry has focused on Michael himself. And, as I mentioned in my 2018 review, no other entry besides part 4 (sorta) had the guts to let Michael win...until now. There is no final zinger to hint at Michael living or a possible sequel...it's just Michael winning Thanos-style.

On the technical side of things, the lighting is excellent with special attention to blacken Michael's eyes as much as possible. In regard to the man himself, this burnt look added a certain layer of menace a lot of past installments screwed up royally. I love these new pieces by John Carpenter even if there was a lot of overlap to the 2018 soundtrack. The cinematography was topnotch especially with the 1978 flashback sequence. Finally, you could feel the amount of heart put into the production and appreciation for the series as a whole from the filmmakers.

I've heaped plenty of praise so far on "Halloween Kills" which makes it bizarre that I now have to trash it considerably. Let's start with the filler material since that's hardest to ignore. There is simply not enough going on in the story. You've got pointless characters showing up, wasting more time than they need, then dying unceremoniously; for example, the doctor/nurse couple, Big John and Little John, the bratty kids in the silver Shamrock masks (nice touch though), etc. are all wasting time. The old couple Michael kills first could have been fused with the two Johns for a more concise story structure. Then we have the mob of angry citizens at the hospital chasing the mental patient, Laurie meandering about the hospital, and just numerous filler moments as if the filmmakers are trying their hardest to stretch things out into the next installment, "Halloween Ends." These aspects create a sense of wasting the audience's time and are often stupid scenes unto themselves.

Okay, I'm not sure who's under that mask, but that's not Michael Myers; it might be Jason. Michael has never been the type to charge headfirst at a crowd and start killing. He has always lurked in the shadows when going after his victims and stalks them. Taking things further, we have Michael receiving more damage than he has ever before and shrugging it off. Keep in mind this is also supposed to be Michael in his damn 60s tanking bullets, beatings, stabbings, and getting right back up. And what the fuck--Mikey rolled over and let himself get arrested by the police when surrounded but fights the townspeople?! They could have at least hinted he was hurt after Loomis famously SHOT HIM SIX TIMES. On some level I get the intention of the filmmakers, but this can only be explained away by finally declaring Michael supernatural. Which leads me to my next point...

Is Michael outright no longer human in this continuity? Here is the problem as I understand it: the filmmakers stripped Mikey of his exploits by removing the sequels from canon. This reduced Michael to a mental patient who killed like 4 people one Halloween 40 years ago. To compensate from that de-powering, Michael's exploits have been exaggerated to the point now that there is no alternative but to make him superhuman--to make him become the bogeyman. Maybe this isn't the full direction they're going in, but it would be a ballsy, final sendoff to the series. Make Mikey the living embodiment of Halloween, and the actual bogeyman, and end it.

Setting aside the negatives, the final topic I want to discuss is the flashback sequence. This is what I've unknowingly wanted from a "Halloween" sequel all these years! It's common knowledge that Carpenter didn't want to do "Halloween II" and it showed. Instead of rebooting the franchise as they did with the 2018 entry, they should have created a true part 2. There was something magical about seeing Michael in the original costume and in his prime again. Being back in '78, having Loomis back, having that different outlook on Halloween, and just everything--the setting and situation--that is what I've always wanted to see filmmakers recapture; this is something no previous sequel could ever attain. However, this flashback demonstrated you CAN get it all back AND continue where part 1 left off. We don't need Laurie...make a retro sequel where it's '78 still, Michael just fell out of the balcony and the cops are after him with Loomis in tow. I WANT THAT!

All things considered, my feelings are mixed and my score sways heavily. There are a ton of great things going on here, yet, they're contrasted by an aimless direction and stupid ideas. I find myself as one of the few people who sees this as merely an okay entry, boosted by some of the creative choices. I get why this movie is polarizing, but there are waaaay worse entries. At the same time, I think there are enough positives to rank this above most sequels and, this goes without saying, the horrendous Rob Zombie remakes. "Halloween Kills" is worth a view without a doubt just to see for yourself, however, you should be aware that this is a tonal shift from the series with Michael as the lead character for once, and you might not like this even if you enjoyed the 2018 film.

Notable Moment: The flashback sequence. Now that's the direction I want to see this franchise go in. Man, I just miss having that dynamic with Loomis again.

Final Rating: 6/10

Double Feature: The Legend and Curse of Halloween Jack Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Zany antics ensue after a guy is falsely executed for murders he didn't commit and then returns from the grave for revenge.

Review: Oh dear. I was going to cover these two movies separately, but they're both waaaay too shitty to deserve that treatment. I might as well knock out the positives right now since they're practically nonexistent. The Jack character looks kinda cool, and it was funny that one character was dressed as Waldo. And that's it, ladies and gentleman; that's all I can say positive. Yippee. As for the numerous faults...where do I even begin? First and foremost, you will notice the horrendous audio and sound effects! Someone dies and it sounds like putting a toothpick in a grape. The acting is shit, the special effects are weak and outright laughable at times, and the story is reminiscent of something my friend's little brother would write when he was 12 (I haven't had to bring that kid up in years!). The entire experience is painful to say the least. As you may have guessed, I was falling asleep, zoning out, and putting on something else every 5 minutes as I slogged my way through the two films. They are mercifully short run times, but that doesn't make it any less excruciating to the senses.

The Legend of Halloween Jack: Some random teens(?) are killed and Jack is blamed for their deaths. He didn't do it, but everyone is so convinced he's the killer because...I don't know. Well, he's not the killer and returns on Halloween for revenge. Jack is supposed to be focused on specific people in these two movies yet always finds a way to veer off course and kill whoever is around. So is he supposed to be a sympathetic villain or should we root for the people that killed him? Or just hate everyone in the cast and crew as a whole?! I chose that last option. I get that these were low-budget productions, but every single scene is presented with the lowest quality imaginable. I've covered low-budget done right, and this is the other end of that spectrum. Ugh. By the end they blow up Jack or whatever which completes his mission of revenge anyway. They try to end on a "Carrie" ripoff zinger which actually did get me laughing.

The Curse of Halloween Jack: It's two years later and the dumbest cult in the history of humanity intends to revive Halloween Jack...or did they? They don't seem to know who he is, nor mention him, and the events come off as incidental. Oh well. Now Jack is back to find his long lost daughter. Oh goodness gracious. I love how they introduce this one-eyed Willy guy, or whoever he was, to give us a ton of exposition and to serve as a fake tough guy. The same technical flaws exist between both movies so if you tortured yourself with part 1 then you essentially experienced part 2 as well. At the end they blow up Jack again after stabbing him with a magic dagger. Yes, it's as retarded as you'd imagine.

I'd love to say one of these movies was better than the other, but they're both consistently shitacular. Watching these horrific films was not fun. Are they anywhere near the worst movies I've covered? No, of course not; I mean, have you seen the movies I've reviewed over the years?! BUT these two are pretty damn insufferable in their own right. If you're looking for a sleep aid this Halloween, for whatever reason, this will certainly help in that regard. Otherwise, avoid this trash like the plague since they're not even in the so-bad-it's-good category.

Notable Moment: There are countless stupid moments, however, the worst has to be during part 1 when Jack kills the partygoers. The camera is at the angle of the legs of the characters, and this was meant to showcase a panic of running from Jack. But, because there are literally like 6 extras for the scene, it looks like something out of "Scooby-Doo" with everyone spinning in fucking circles like morons. This scene perfectly demonstrates the sheer incompetence during these productions.

Final Rating: 3/10 (for both)

Hubie Halloween Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: The town idiot/scaredy-cat must save Halloween when there appears to be a serial killer on the loose.

Review: I don't know if this movie was made on a dare or was an old script collecting dust for decades. Adam Sandler, writer and star, has gone through phases of film making that coincide with his aging process. Meaning, as he was younger he made goofy, immature humor, then transitioned to parenting, and now is at family man stage. Well, for better or worse, "Hubie Halloween" is some kind of throwback to his "Billy Madison" and "The Waterboy" days. So if you're a bigger fan of his current style then this will probably disappoint; however, if you're more interested in his earlier comedy style then this will be right up your alley.

On the positive side of things, the Halloween setting is nailed considerably well. They use Salem as a backdrop which is probably the mecca of modern Halloween. All kinds of zany antics are afoot as the characters run amok across town, and we are shown a myriad of trick-or-treating, cool costumes, haunted houses, candy, etc. You have your usual parade of Sandler pals, celebrity cameos, and outright shenanigans like a thermos that can transform into essentially any plot contrivance needed. For me, Sandler movies are a hit or miss, but I think this film succeeded in depicting a moronic do-gooder saving Halloween. The final twist as to who is "killing" everyone was amusing as well.

As for the downside of things...it's your typical, cornball Sandler humor. If you can't stand his brand of comedy you will probably see this as painfully stupid. I mean, I knew what to expect, and there were still numerous times I was rolling my eyes. The ending especially is super cheesy to the point of ludicrous. Also, we never understand why Hubie is obsessed with Halloween or is it all holidays--are we to expect a Hubie Christmas down the line? 

Overall, if you're familiar with Sandler's films you can probably already decide whether it's for you or not from the onset. Now, to its credit, "Hubie Halloween" is wholesome and family-friendly for the most part which may be worth it for those that might typically shy away. Luckily, I could appreciate the goofball, Halloween fun that was intended. This isn't going to be a Halloween staple for me or anything, but it's nice to have more Halloween-themed possibilities outside of horror.

Notable Moment: Not necessarily a single scene, but I liked when Hubie's mom had on the various, raunchy innuendo shirts that she didn't even understand.

Final Rating: 6/10

Black Pumpkin Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Two kids accidentally awaken the vengeful spirit of a little boy who kills people on Halloween.

Review: "Black Pumpkin" is about as dumb and cornball as you'd expect, yet, there was a quirky charm that made it tolerable and fun at times. I've covered a ton of low-budget horror movies that include Halloween plot lines to get a few extra viewers. I'd classify this film among that crowd with the caveat that they tried to incorporate the holiday into the mix better. Other than the obvious, glaring flaws that any casual viewer is going to notice within the first few minutes, my main gripe with the material is the asinine nature of the story. We don't get any context or understanding about why this ghost is on the loose. There is supposedly--and let me stress supposedly--another movie called "Bloody Bobby" that provides the context for "Black Pumpkin," but good writing should supplement that material. Oh well.

The good: I'd dare say there was a degree of heart put into this film. There's just something about the goofy characters and situations that amused me--there was an added layer of care taken to the story if that makes sense. I don't expect others to see this subjective level of charm, but this is what kept me invested. Other than that, the older sister was hot...and there was a kid named Pork Chop. Umm...that might be it for the good.

The bad: Some of these are just a given like questionable acting, weak special effects, and a moronic ending.  In fairness, I've seen significantly worse from other movies of this same caliber. Now, what was legitimately stupid was the antagonist himself, Blood Bobby. Ignoring the lack of context I mentioned, Bloody Bobby is a non-threat! They even show the character is 4'3 (130cm) on his missing poster. He's just a little kid for fuck's sake--kick him into orbit. Oh, sure, the filmmakers could have highlighted his supernatural abilities, but, instead, he seems to need real-world weapons to kill his victims. I mean, he was incapacitated by the little sister at one point. I would definitely nominate Bloody Bobby as one of the weakest and least intimidating villains of all time.

All things considered, I can't really recommend "Black Pumpkin" unless you're just dying for some cheesy fun. This movie certainly doesn't take itself seriously which helps make it bearable. Unfortunately, the positives are few and far between with a slew of negatives in every possible field whether it be production, sound, acting, etc. I've probably reviewed like 50+ movies that take place on Halloween at this point. Just throw all their titles in a hat and pick one at this point.

Notable Moment: Not a single scene but it was definitely within the tasteful shenanigans category that the filmmakers kept finding ways for the older sister to be running around in her undies even in front of Pork Chop.

Final Rating: 4/10