Halloween (remake) Review

Check out my updated review here! https://thevagrantrises.blogspot.com/2018/10/updated-review-25-halloween-2007-remake.html

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A retelling of the classic tale starting with how Michael became the monster in the mask we know.

Review: Before I begin, let me address the convoluted nature of this franchise. You have the purist perspective of just "Halloween" 1 and 2, the separate universe of part 3, the "Thorn" universe of 1, 2, 4, 5, and 6, the "H20" universe of 1, 2, H20, and Resurrection, and finally, the reboot universe of Rob Zombie's part 1 and 2. Got all that?! Anyway...I don't just hate this movie, I fucking loathe it! Throughout my reviews of this franchise, I have touched on many problems that went wrong in earlier films only for this stupid remake to do those same mistakes all over again! Like with the whole trying to explain why Michael kills angle...stop it! And for the love of god, why would you think this origin of Michael would be good? I would seriously rather have the "Thorn" story line over this, and that is saying something. So Michael was just a little, girly-looking, emo bitch-boy who had psychopathic tendencies and then snapped one Halloween? Lame. The original was so much more elegant and actually was outside the box. Michael was a normal boy from a good family who had no reason to kill and yet chose to. He then never disclosed the reason and waited with inhuman patience to do it again. Now that is disturbing...what's not disturbing is a little bitch-boy. Plus, the original had the plot twist aspect as the viewer had no clue the killer was actually just a little kid. This film didn't even try to put a spin on things or work with the source material in any regard. Grr! This movie gets everything wrong! The first ten minutes are a joke with some of the worst acting and dialogue you could come up with. The film then goes on for almost a full hour of just showing us what makes Michael crazy...a full hour! The less we know about Michael, the scarier he was, but I guess Rob Zombie couldn't wrap his mind around that one; it's so annoying because it's shit like this that made films like part six so stupid. Surprisingly, even with an hour of worthless material, I still don't get a lot of things. What made Loomis think Michael was so dangerous considering he keeps contradicting himself with shit like that he thinks Michael is his best friend (what the fuck!)? What is with Michael and the masks? Why does Michael seem to hate everyone but his mom and Laurie? Why did this version of Michael turn silent rather than always being like that as with the original? Why did Michael grow into a seven foot giant when no one else in the family is tall? Ugh! Nothing makes sense and the decision making was so poor. When the film finally gets on track to familiar territory with Laurie, we just get so many pointless moments that further ruin the characters we know and love. The girls are total bitches and not likable at all. It annoyed me too because Danielle Harris (who played Jamie in part 4 and 5) returns to the franchise as Annie and they made me not like her character. Although they did have the sense to not kill her character off this time since Ms. Harris is a fan favorite to those who follow this misguided franchise (and a personal favorite of myself). All the main elements from the original are quickly brushed over to get more to this idiotic plot line about Michael killing just to be closer to Laurie. I'm not even exaggerating when I say maybe 30 minutes are dedicated to remaking the original while the other 30 minutes are just weak action scenes of Laurie running, fighting, and struggling with Michael with a little help from Loomis who is completely wasted. They couldn't even get the "Halloween" theme right as it is first used out of nowhere. How hard is it to screw that one up?! This film is just a complete failure from the moment it begins to the abrupt and weird ending. I have no idea what they were going for except a cheap cash-in since all the icons were/are getting remakes. Had some of these scenes been reworked, get rid of the "Halloween" aspect, and get an original idea, this may have been at least average. But, as it stands, I actually prefer "Season of the Witch" over this shit! There, I said it! This is the worst in the whole franchise and deserves to be at the bottom as the pitiful waste of film it is.

Notable Moment: The few scenes with Danielle Harris since that's about the only thing going for this shit.

Final Rating: 3/10

Ms. Harris is the only good thing...