Miracle Beach Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: After a guy loses his job, home, and girlfriend, he unwittingly comes across a genie's lamp which leads to the pursuit of the woman of his dreams.

Review: I'm well aware of how porno-riffic this film probably looks (could have worked as one too!), but it's much more innocent than it would seem. In actuality, it's a romantic comedy, of sorts, which is typically the last kind of film I'd watch, but I have a soft spot for this little film; also, I'm a sucker for genie-themed films and the fantasy elements work surprisingly well with a unique take on the lore. I should probably note my love for genie-themed movies is so great it led me to be one of the few people dumb enough to watch "Kazaam" at the cinema (not one of my prouder moments). Anyway, although this movie does have a decent amount of gratuitous nudity, the original VHS version had all of these scenes removed while one of the pay channels played the unedited version. I saw both when I was young, as it would turn out, but only recently discovered this film finally had been put out on a medium beyond VHS tape. I probably hadn't watched this movie in 15 years or so, but it held up about on the level I expected. My biggest concern was whether my image of the genie character, Jeannie, would live up to my memory of her since she was yet another one of my childhood crushes. I'm pleased to say that, not only does the actress, Ami Dolenz, look just as stunning as I remember, but she's even more beautiful than I recalled and oh so sexy! Plus, there's this scene when she's in a bikini! My goodness, she's my 90's dream girl right there! But to be fair, this movie is loaded with beach babes and scattered hotties galore although none can hold a candle to Ms. Dolenz.

As you might guess, the story is not all that complicated as it follows an average and carefree guy named Scotty who is down on his luck. When Scotty comes home early from work one day, he discovers his boss is banging his girlfriend who dumps him, followed by the boss firing him, and his landlord coming in with the commotion and evicting Scotty. At this precise moment, our beloved genie, Jeannie, finds herself under a new assignment to go to Earth. It is implied that all the imaginary beings of various, worldwide folklore exist in some different plane of existence and are told when to make appearances by some kind of elf guy. A lot of this is glossed over, so try not to think too hard about it. Jeannie is annoyed with humanity because she believes they're all selfish, but she is told she will be locked in her lamp forever if she screws this up. Scotty gathers his two goofball, beach bum friends, Soup and Lars, as they crash some random party. To Scotty's disbelief, the woman of his dreams, Dana, played by the sexy Felicity Waterman (the girl on the movie poster), who Scotty had seen in commercials is also at this party. Once she ditches Scotty, he finds himself drunk on the beach where he meets a homeless man, named Gus, played by Pat Morita of all people. Gus gives Scotty the lamp he had found on the beach earlier, and, in his drunken stupor, Scotty makes his first wish. Because this movie is ridiculous, Scotty immediately believes in the magic lamp after his first wish, to be in a nice bed with two chicks, comes true. As Jeannie emerges from her lamp, she explains to Scotty that she must grant his every wish which is much different than the "3 wishes" notion we're all familiar with but the typical rules remain intact; lucky for Scotty because his first two wishes sucked. It's never quite clear what is the point to this "assignment," but it's my own personal understanding that having infinite wishes was meant to see how long until Scotty would feel satisfied and stop making wishes and judge humanity's worthiness on Scotty's actions...or maybe I'm adding too much depth. Scotty conveniently sees Dana and uses a wish to try and impress her with volleyball skills which turns out to be the highlight scene of the film. I have to say though, no sane man is going to give two shits about Dana, no matter how hot, after a genie looking like Ms. Dolenz is hanging all over you! Jeannie is incredibly kind, sexy, and has this adorable innocence to her even if bordering on naivety. And she has powers to boot--oh come on dude! After allowing his friends to use Jeannie to grant their wishes, Scotty then hires Gus to work for him since Gus doesn't want any wishes. Scotty then dedicates all of his focus to wooing over Dana who is an obvious bitch. Even though it happens far too fast and easily, Jeannie begins to fall in love with Scotty due to his generosity in wishes and his pursuit not just for a hot chick but for real love, something Jeannie doesn't believe Dana will reciprocate. After all manner of asinine wishes that truly highlight the simplicity of the 90s, Jeannie tries to win Scotty over and even sabotages a moment when he and Dana try to have sex after Scotty has rejected Dana many times at Jeannie's behest. Eventually elf guy learns of Jeannie's misuse of power, and, after a fight with Scotty, it is decided she will be locked away in her lamp once the day ends at midnight. Attempting to give it another go with Dana, Scotty realizes he does, in fact, love Jeannie and learns she will be gone at midnight. With only seconds to spare, which is probably the single dumbest part of the film, Scotty does confess his love for Jeannie which, for some reason, turns her human and changes all of her wishes back to how things were before. It is revealed Gus really was elf guy as he watches Jeannie and Scotty walk off into the sunset in as cliched of an ending imaginable.

What works most for this film is the surprisingly well paced scenes, never focusing too much time on a joke while applying a more subtle approach, plenty of fan service with topless and scantily clad girls, decent effects, and, of course, Ms. Dolenz herself as the single best reason to watch. For the most part, I do really like this movie, but I can't ignore the lack of substance, shaky acting, cliched romance and plot elements, misguided direction, bad music, and general sense of pointlessness. At the same time, this was a made for video film during the heyday of rental stores, so you can't really expect too much, and, even then, the quality of the film, with somewhat recognizable actors, is respectable for the budget I'd imagine they were working with. I don't think modern audiences would enjoy this film, but if you're like me and saw this movie way back when or can appreciate the 1992 setting, then check this one out as maybe a date movie.

Notable Moment: When Scotty challenges a bunch of pretty boys (including Dean Cain in an early role) to a game of volleyball. The best part about it is that Scotty's partner is some hotdog vendor, while not exactly fit, contributes nicely to the victory once Scotty wishes to be the best player in the world.

Final Rating: 6/10

I couldn't find a good photo of Ms. Dolenz in her full genie outfit without someone else in the photo unfortunately.

But, to give you an idea just how smokin' hot Ms. Dolenz was, here she is out of the outfit!