Segunda Mano (aka Second Hand) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A woman with a troubled past believes she is being haunted by the ghost of her boyfriend's ex-wife.

Review: So this is yet another Kris Aquino horror movie which means you can expect a shit load of cheesiness. Coming right off the undeserved success of "Dalaw," this film became even more successful while managing to be even more stupid. This shouldn't have even been advertised as a horror film, because it lacks almost any horror elements. I mean, this film was produced by the same company and it's almost the same exact plotline of "Dalaw" except with more emphasis on soap opera elements accompanied by one contrivance after another. I can overlook the soap opera moments for a second if this were at least a unique story, or, even if it's a ripoff, don't make it a ripoff of the movie you just made the year before! Plus, a haunted handbag? Are you fucking kidding me?! This is why I always bring up "Sukob" because that's like the best Filipino horror movie with real scares, actual horror elements, and a ton of creativity and imagination. Why can't more films strive for that type of formula even if bordering on cliched?

The plotline of "Dalaw" was something to the nature of Ms. Aquino thinks she's being haunted by her dead husband but is actually being haunted by her current boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. The plotline of "Segunda Mano" is Ms. Aquino believes she's being haunted by her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, which she is, but the ghost is actually her sister. It's not exact, but it's too close and they play out similarly enough to be frustrating. Honestly, I wouldn't have minded this too much if it weren't for how much time is spent going over the relationship drama of Ms. Aquino, named Mabel, and her boyfriend, Ivan. What's worse is that we also deal with the relationship of Mabel and Ivan's (somewhat understandably) bratty daughter, Ivan and his troubled childhood, Mabel and her goofball friends, and, of course, Mabel and her momma drama over the alleged death of the sister, Marie. There was too much going on that it became a distraction and the horror elements faded into the background needlessly. It really felt like a lame TV show; I could even see it now: "Will Ivan and Mabel get together?! Find out on the next exciting episode of "Segunda fucking Mano!" Even if I could overlook all of this clutter and appreciate this as a drama with light horror elements, it's hard to ignore that the drama is so weak, unoriginal, and beyond contrived. The main twist, that the ghost, Mariella, is, in fact, the thought to be dead sister, Marie, is hilariously predictable. Hmm, could Mariella be Marie? That's a tough one, I mean their names are exactly alike, they look the same, and the film claims a ghost can only interact with someone if they touch something or someone close to them. Hmm, could it be the idiotic handbag or perhaps Mabel? Surely, it's the fucking handbag, right? What, it's Mabel? Oh noooos! Grrr, and how the hell did Marie survive anyway? She was swept out to sea and looked to have been drowned already the last time Mabel saw her. So, let me get this straight--Marie, as a little girl mind you, miraculously survives being drowned after being pulled into the ocean current, is found some time later (by mermaids perhaps), has amnesia or is a retard because she doesn't simply go back home, is adopted by some family without ever realizing her own family thinks she's dead, changes her name a little bit (you know, just for shits and giggles), lives her life until she runs into Ivan, cheats on him, and gets killed because Ivan really hates cheaters. Then by the most ridiculous of contrivances, her sister dates the same man? Sounds perfectly plausible to me. There's suspension of disbelief and then there's begging me to punch you in the face. If this isn't already pushing it, you discover Ivan was the one killing everyone in the movie. Ugh..."Segunda fucking Mano..."

I don't get it--a pretty cool Filipino movie like "The Road" gets universally panned and a piece of shit like this is one of the highest grossing movies of all time in the Philippines?! Well, at least this film had that shitty film quality I love so much that makes every film look ten to twenty years older than it really is...so there's that. Man, at least "The Road" looked good and made the landscape look beautiful. What can I say? The story was stupid, contrived, and tried to tackle too much while forgetting what genre it was occupying. The acting is okay, the effects were tolerable, and some decent looking girls in the background. Other than this, all you need to know is that this is more of a supernatural drama with little originality while spending too much time dealing with characters that do not contribute to the overall story. I'd say this is an easy pass unless you're a fan of the actors involved and even then they have done better work than this.

Notable Moment: When Ivan throws Mabel and Adela down the stairs at the same time. Oh god, so unintentionally hilarious!

Final Rating: 4.5/10