Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Two girls inadvertently unleash a vampire from his imprisonment and the zany antics that ensue.
Review: Well there went 90 minutes down the drain. This felt like the "Goosebumps'" interpretation of "Salem's Lot" or something. You'd think with a cool title and an acceptable plot, this should have been better, but, alas, this is as forgettable as they come. I don't expect a lot from direct to video movies from the rental store era, but this was exceptionally stupid at times. The only reason I, or anyone, should ever waste a second on this film is because it stars my '90s dream girl, Ami Dolenz, which is the only reason I bothered to track this down. While she is always beautiful to behold on the screen, she isn't looking as sexy as she had in "Miracle Beach" and "Witchboard 2" so be prepared for that; she's dressed down a bit and is meant to play a younger character, for some reason, even though "Miracle Beach" was made the following year. It's kind of funny though, because there's a part where a random pervert kid is explaining my dear Ms. Dolenz's physique as, "I've seen all the girls in town, and this one's got the nicest, roundest, firm pair of..." don't leave me in suspense, kid--what does she have?! So yes, Ms. Dolenz is the sole reason to watch this film, but don't expect her to be as scantily clad as she was in some of her other films.
I think the main reason why this film sucked so hard was because it feels like they're writing the script as they go. There are a lot of plot elements that are introduced and discarded on a whim which becomes frustratingly annoying. At first the peculiar town's people feel like they will play some significance, but they merely serve to make moronic references once they become vampires. The beginning feels overly lighthearted with the main two girls, Lucy (Ms. Dolenz) and Cindy, hanging out and talking about how lame the town is. They discuss some little urban legend about going to a waterlogged crypt to wash away the dirt of living in the town which was an okay detail. This crypt is at a giant church that feels like it should contribute to the plot as well but doesn't. Lucy drops her crucifix in the water and that somehow reawakens some vampire that had been held captive there or whatever the hell he was doing. The first order of business is for the vampire to feed off Cindy, which did look kind of cool, but it showcases another stupid aspect to this film as random lights appear out of nowhere for dramatic effect numerous times. At best it has probably been hours after this incident and the whole town has been turned into vampires which is painfully idiotic.
At this point the film starts shooting at the audience one contrivance and throwaway plotline after another. Vampires are running around everywhere, yet the, seemingly, only cop in town didn't notice, because she hates everyone. Cindy somehow went home, turned her mom into a vampire and yet it's the mom that appears to be the more powerful vampire; at the same time, why was Cindy allowed to leave and why didn't all the other vampires scatter as well then? There is pointless drama about Cindy's mom screwing her husband's brother who is also a priest; this is yet another plotline that felt like it would mean something but seriously disappears completely at one point. The priest gets a friend to help that is a teacher, named Mark, who only has one student for some reason with the mom watching on that has a weird face for no reason...again, why are these plot aspects built up for no reason? Mark is not easily convinced the vampires are real even after seeing shenanigans which is yet ANOTHER pointless throwaway plotline about how the vampires can go into cocoons or sleep underwater with their lungs on the outside of their bodies--well which is it?! Mark goes to check up on Lucy only to discover she has locked herself in her room from the vampires; this wouldn't be too bad if Mark didn't easily kick down the door with one hit yet we are to believe a town full of vampires couldn't get inside even though, they explain later, every vampire can smell her.
Finally believing vampires are real, a few stupid things happen and we see some staking action from Mark. We cut pointlessly back to Cindy's mom seducing priest dude simply by clawing at the ground...uhh how horny is this guy? Cindy's mom feeds on priest dude, but he seems okay to me afterward and not a vampire. Since Cindy realized she looks like Scarlet Johansson's sister, she decides to stake her own mom; I don't get it, now the vampires have free will beyond their master? The pervy kid I mentioned earlier lures Mark and Lucy to be eaten by all the vampires, because they desire Lucy's virgin blood. Oh, and apparently the pervy kid is a "familiar" of the main vampire; so how does that work exactly--we never know what the fuck is going on in this movie! To be fair, that pervy kid is really funny and gets killed which was a nice touch since you'd think he'd get away unscathed. Mark and Lucy are saved by some bum, named Matty, who has stolen a religious zealot's van that had run him over at the beginning of the movie--again, there is no sense to be made of any of this. Cindy returns to collect Lucy in some lame attempt to beat the head vampire...I guess...I have no idea what they're plan really was. Mark and Matty materialize vampire weaponry out of their asses as they attempt to save Lucy. Cindy explains that 50 years ago the main vampire came to town and was feeding on the children and some bullshit about being burned and trapped in water and blah blah stupid shit. Why didn't this bitch turn the whole town into vampires 50 years ago?! Cindy ends up freeing the "children of the night" as they fight the main vampire, but Cindy is killed. The main vampire is about to eat Lucy, but he is killed in a scene that completely rips off "The Lost Boys." The film ends with everyone back to normal as if a lot of time has passed, yet Mark and Lucy look exactly how they did fighting the vampires--um, okay...
What can I say, this film is a total mess from start to finish. It never knows whether it wants to be serious or super lighthearted. I like how they kept trying to rip off other horror movies especially with that wannabe "Hellraiser" soundtrack. You have way too many plotlines that amount to nothing leaving the audience with that script-in-a-blender sensation. Parts that should have been cool manage to turn out retarded due to absolute bumbling of the material. You have a goddess that is Ms. Dolenz as this desired virgin by the main vampire and you make no use of this whatsoever?! The backstory on the main vampire is brushed over and should have been introduced earlier in the film so it could be expanded as the story progressed. The town's people should have been interesting, but are totally wasted. You have--oh forget it, this movie just flat out sucks! Bottom line, either you love Ms. Dolenz and are watching this because of her, or you have no idea what idiocy you have gotten yourself into. This is an easy pass, even for fans, because this isn't exactly the best work to see my dear Ms. Dolenz in all her glory.
Notable Moment: There are so many stupid moments, like a vampire jumping on a wooden stake even though he knows it's there, but the moment that had me say, "WHAT?!" aloud was when Matty flips his van by hitting another car and that car suddenly, and inexplicably, explodes for no conceivable reason.
Final Rating: 3.5/10
A wet and wild Ms. Dolenz is the best this film has to offer, but I'm not complaining:
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