The Fourth Kind Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A psychologist believes she and her patients may have been alien abductees.

Review: Oh, what a waste, what a waste. I can't remember who, but someone warned me not to watch this movie and I really should have listened. This is yet another film I had to watch in increments, because I was bored out of my mind. It's already hard enough to make a scary movie involving aliens, but then they had to go and borrow from "The Blair Witch Project's" marketing campaign and truly blow it. I can't even believe this movie is trying to make people think any of this shit is based on reality. It's one thing if they implied it could be real or followed the formula of previous found-footage films, but no, they come out claiming everything is real and use "reenactments" as their presentation. At least Blair Bitch merely left the reality of the events depicted up in the air until the credits rolled, and, with the advent of the internet, they had an edge. If you couldn't tell by the typical Hollywood cliches that this tale of alien abduction was fake, then perhaps the multiple lawsuits against the film would clue you in.

The film idiotically opens with Milla Jovovich telling the audience everything is allegedly real, but interpreting the bullshit is up to the audience. See, it's this going the extra mile to convince people things are real when they're not that is so annoying! What you need to know from the onset is that there are two actors playing each character: the known actor doing the "reenactments" and the "real" person. The main character, Abby, who looks like a fucking alien herself, is supposedly telling her story at some interview that is trying to set the record straight (to who?). Abby is conveniently getting over her husband's murder at the exact moment she discovers some of her patients appear to have been abducted by aliens; how do you only just discover this now? Their minds' struggle to see the aliens, but for some reason they think they're owls...uh okay; speaking of which, the audience never sees the aliens either so don't hold your breath for that. When the patients go under hypnotherapy, they relive the abductions that the aliens erase from their memories. This then leads one to go apeshit and murder his family and commit suicide. Apparently Abby also has been abducted--oh and Abby has some stupid kids that will sort of become relevant later. The aliens are really, really stupid and for no apparent reason speak Sumerian for contrivance's sake. The aliens also like to talk tons of shit while abducting you and gloat about being God. I mean duh, like come on, the moment I burst into anyone's home to abduct them the first thing I do is trash talk in Sumerian--I mean, there's always that off chance a researcher will materialize out of the blue to translate my ramblings! There's pointless police drama and they throw in a skeptic simply because we need one, and there's this whole "Mothman Prophecies" vibe to everything and even has one of the same actors. Another patient goes under hypnotherapy and he is seemingly possessed by the aliens...I don't know. Blah blah blah the aliens abduct Abby's daughter right in front of her which was acted terribly. You actually see the spaceship of the aliens for a split second which only demonstrates how full of shit this movie is. Finally Abby is possessed by the aliens too for whatever reason and this experience cripples her as we learn pointlessly that her husband was not murdered but committed suicide. The film ends with the actors still trying to make it seem like everything we saw was real. Oh and in case you're thinking "well, what the fuck is the fourth kind?" well that is the term for being abducted by aliens.

If only I could bitch slap everyone involved in this film's creation. I swear, someone was like "we want to do a Mothman Prophecies 2 but we don't know how" and this was the result. There are aspects that had potential and the subject matter could have worked under the right conditions. Instead of trying so hard to lie to the audience about the validity of the film's events, why not go full Blair Bitch and act like these tapes were found after Abby "disappeared" or some bullshit like that; at least that would explain why no one would have seen the footage until now. Nothing is scary, the aliens make no sense and act stupid, the acting is inconsistent, too many pointless contrivances like Abby's daughter's blindness, and the attempt to portray the events as real borders on pretentious. Definitely do not waste your time on this film unless you like the idea of owl-looking, Sumarian trash talking, abduct you in front of the police, completely idiotic aliens!

Notable Moment: When the one guy is floating off the bed. It's in the trailer, does look cool, but should have been better nonetheless.

Final Rating: 4.5/10