Cellar Dweller Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: After a comic book artist inadvertently unleashes an evil monster, a cartoonist continues his work 30 years later.

Review: Ah, remember the good old days when ridiculous titles like "Cellar Dweller" were the norm? Granted, they do make pieces of shit like "Sharknado," but they are viewed much differently. The only thing they missed out on was making a song out of the titular character! As I've said, this was the only film in the marathon I definitely watched, and, unfortunately, it did not even come close to being as amusing as I remembered. There are a few good ideas, and I liked the whole comic book angle, but this was practically as short as "The Dungeonmaster" when there was plenty of room to expand. On top of that, they totally blew it with the cellar dweller monster. He/it is reduced to mostly rocking back and forth in the background, like a fucking rejected concept from "Power Rangers," while they edit in poor death scenes. And there weren't many deaths to boot. To further put icing on the cake, the ending is laughably bad and makes no sense.

The film begins with Jeffrey Combs appearing to think he's still on the set of "Re-Animator." The fuck? Well, Mr. Combs plays a comic book artist who seems to have consulted an occult book for inspiration on his creations. His biggest mistake was summoning the deadly cellar dweller monster who is able to escape the confines of his 2-D prison. But wait, the comic book series that the artist draws for is called "Cellar Dweller" so does that mean the monster has another name? Speaking of which, if this was a mildly popular comic book series, why the hell is the main artist living in a basement in the middle of the woods dressed like a scientist?! For the lulz? So the monster ends up killing some chick, who also materialized out of thin air, as the artist realizes he must burn the drawings to kill the creature. Through shenanigans, the whole basement catches on fire, killing the artist, but the occult book falls into a treasure chest, that magically puts a lock on itself, and no one touches or moves it for the next 30 years. I'm gonna say...legit?

30 years later, we cut to the main girl and cartoonist, Whitney, as she comes to the artist's house that has been converted into, I guess, a kind of art safe haven. They call it a college in the film, but I'm calling bullshit on that. For whatever strange reason, the film tries to introduce lame drama with Whitney, a rival bitch, and another bitch old lady. Oh women. Actually, there are only 6 whole people at this stupid shack. This movie was made in 1988, right? Up that body count, son. When the ladies aren't bickering, we do get a few cool shots of Whitney trying to create her own drawings in a similar vein to that of "Cellar Dweller" which is supposed to be like "Tales from the Crypt." Because the movie lacks tact, they force Whitney into discovering that occult book as she recreates cellar dweller. Essentially, there is no logic to the creature; he disappears and reappears inconsistently and screws around a ton. He looks okay, special effects-wise, but the budget constraints are clear as day. My main problem is that he kills people pathetically, and they all die within quick succession before the film reaches an abrupt end. I like that we see storyboards for each kill as they're happening, but the gore should have been better. The movie half-assed it in regards to setting up the characters as pretentious art weirdos when most only say a few things before dying. There was time to establish these people more or at least time to add more characters to kill. By the end, the monster has eaten everyone but Whitney. Whitney manages to pour whiteout on the drawings and seemingly gets rid of that cellar dwelling bitch. Then she magically draws everyone alive again and--bam--they're alive. But before you can blink everyone dies all over again after Whitney destroys the drawings of cellar dweller. Yeah, sure, whatever...fantastic ending...makes perfect sense.

While there are cool elements in the story, and it almost has that '80s charm, it fails where it counts most. This isn't a bad film, by any means, but it squandered the potential when it was short enough to fill the gaps. This would have worked better if cellar dweller was summoned and then went on a rampage of carnage that somehow incorporated each character's "art." Up the body count by, at least, 3 more characters and then you've got a splatterfest to be proud of. Oh, and for the love of fuck, get rid of that Phillip character while you're at it. Quit fucking smirking in every damn scene with that second, most punchable face I've ever had the misfortune to behold!

Notable Moment: When the one guy has his head ripped clean off by the monster. We needed more of this for sure.

Final Rating: 5/10