Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Misfits try to stop a werewolf queen from taking over the world or something along those lines.
Review: What kind of dumbass title is that for a movie? It's supposed to have ellipses in it too...fuck that (see what I did there?). I like the original title, "Stirba--Werewolf Bitch," a helluva lot better! Goodness gracious this movie is a mess, but it's certainly worthy of a so-bad-it's-good title. You have one of the worst examples of editing--EVER--with random scenes inserted, the same shots repeated, and nonsensical cuts left and right. Was someone's cat just running around on the equipment, and this is what came out? The story is hilariously moronic with all manner of shenanigans and zany hijinks. None of this matters, because the cornball nature of the production is enjoyable. Then you've got the great Christopher Lee--clearly embarrassed--accompanied by Sybil Danning's tits almost as a character unto themselves. If werewolf orgies are your thing, this film has you covered! What can I say...the '80s, man.
Well, this story has virtually nothing to do with the original which is a nice way to kick things off, right? They claim the main dude is Karen's brother, but, come on, you're not fooling anyone. Plus, they screw up the continuity with a new actress playing Karen, they claim no one saw the news boradcast where she turned into a werewolf, and somehow she's still magically alive because they took the silver slugs from her body; uhhh...that's not how it works but okay. All of this is inconsequential, because the story focuses on some kind of werewolf queen named Stirba, played by Ms. Danning and her two best friends. I guess werewolves can age since Stirba absorbs the life force of some girl in order to be young again. From there she will use her wolfy magic to turn the world into animals...or something...hell if I know. Mr. Lee and the two main idiots, Ben and Jenny (Jerry), decide to go to Transylvania to fight Stirba; yeah, Transylvania. There are werewolves everywhere, and it's ambiguous as to whether they control the area or simply hide out there. I do like the random instance of eating, seemingly gay, German tourists. Yes, that was a totally necessary scene.
Even though silver still kills the werewolves, a few, like Stirba, can only be killed by titanium all of a sudden. No explanation on that? Sure! Mr. Lee has a few flunkies that are completely useless in fighting werewolves. In fact, the werewolves are so incompetent that they too can only kill someone when the script demands it. One of the worst parts is when Mr. Lee and his last flunky split up for no discernible reason except so that the flunky can get killed by a werebat(?). They eventually claim Stirba is Mr. Lee's sister despite her trying to flirt her way out of death. If that weren't ridiculous enough, I think they forgot the part where they said Stirba was like 10,000 years old or whatever. So...either Stirba's parents really get around or Mr. Lee is still playing Dracula. I guess that makes sense considering her did pull "the blood of Christ" out of his ass at one point. And there was that revolver that fired infinite bullets--can't forget that. Come to think of it, Stirba's flunkies had machine guns and yet they chose to consistently ditch those in favor or turning into werewolves. Where was I? Oh yeah...Stirba dies and lights on fire which kills Mr. Lee. Ben and Jerry somehow instantly get back to the USA just in time for Halloween. A little werewolf boy trick or treats at their apartment, and they simply laugh it off. Wow, what an exciting conclusion. Then we get to see the two best parts of the film featured SEVENTEEN times during the ending credits! Gotta give credit where credit's due for that one.
Needless to say, this is a colorful little tale. It's certainly memorable that's for sure. Just try and get that idiotic theme song out of your head. The acting, special effects, story, etc. are all pure shit. The editing is in a league all by itself with very few comparisons in cinema to match (probably worse than "The Haunted Dollhouse's" level). However, it's hard to ignore the over the top nature to the production. Only a total hardass isn't going to be laughing during this catastrophe; this is like movie magic right here. Hell, watch this simply for Ms. Danning if need be. While this is nowhere near the best entry in the franchise, it's undeniably the most enjoyable!
Notable Moment: That ending montage. Dear lordy--the same titty shot 17 times!
Final Rating: 5/10
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