Ramblings of Ryan Volume 5

Well, it's been a while and there is a lot of stupid shit to talk about. I'm probably going to upset fanboys/girls quite a bit so hold onto your butts. Typically I'm happy with new, dorky things getting public notice, but something has gone seriously wrong in geek culture as of late. Is it pandering? Attempts at making things feel inclusive? I don't know what it is, but things I'd typically be excited about have me laughing and/or sighing in embarrassment.

First, let's go over the progressively more moronic-looking "Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice." I can't believe that trailer got dorks all wet. It looked like fucking shit! Dude, I love Batman--A LOT--but, please, dorks, shut the fuck up about how great he is and how can beat anyone. He cannot, and could not, ever defeat Superman. "Uhh but with the right planning and uhhh..." seriously, just stop. This is getting pathetic at this point. Plus, weren't these the same people swearing Superman could beat Goku? Let me get this straight...fanboy logic is Batman > Superman > Goku?!! So a guy in a cape with a few toys can beat a god-like alien who in turn can beat one of the strongest fictional beings ever imagined? Sounds legit. But besides geeks fighting each other, let's be honest, we all know how this will turn out. Batman and Superman will be kept evenly matched--somehow--as they realize they were pitted against one another (probably by Mark Zuckerberg). They will then team up and beat whatever villain as they semi-establish the beginning of the Justice League; since, apparently, they really want to rush this to rival the Avengers. If this sounds great to you, then by all means, stay positive. For me, I think I'll be sticking with the animated "Justice League" series.

And before I stray too far with the topic of DC...are you shitting me with Jared Leto as the Joker?!!

This is ironically exactly how I looked after viewing this photo. Who the hell is doing the casting for these DC movies?! Please, punch them in the face. Speaking of punchable faces...Jared Leto is easily one of the most pretentious douchebags in Hollywood; I love the Jesus-chic look he rocks too. My goodness. What the fuck is DC thinking? At least I can watch that scene in "Fight Club" to vent my frustration.

As for another worrisome topic: the new "Star Wars" trailer. I'll admit, this trailer has restored my hope for the film as a whole, but it doesn't look or feel like SW. The devil is in the details, and, say what you will about Lucas, he maintained a consistent tone between all 6 films. I don't see that here what with the weird camera angles, dark color scheme, and apparent introduction of flashbacks. I know most won't care about these facets, but SW is a special phenomenon that can't be replicated as easily as people think. Also, please don't tell me these new characters are taking center stage? If one of them is a Solo or Skywalker child, then fine, but this franchise is about the Skywalker family and that should be continued. That villain, Kylo Ren, better be awesome too since he/she looks to be a straight up Revan wannabe. I think that the story will be good, but I suspect the feeling will be...this is a good film but a bad SW sequel. I do hope I'm wrong in that regard however.

Moving on to more bullshit. Sigh. A new Dragon Ball show? Really? Can't good things just stay untarnished? DBGT was already a travesty so what makes people think this will be better. What, because Akira Toriyama is coming back? I think people fail to realize Toriyama never considered DB to be his best work and genuinely wanted to do other things. He's admitted to forgetting so much about the franchise over the decades to boot. If the "Battle of Gods" movies are any indication of the next DB series, we should all be worried--they suck! I mean, really, Frieza returning and being a legitimate threat? Whaaaat?! And don't get me started on Beerus and Whis appearing out of nowhere. DB is infamous for pulling overly powerful enemies out of their ass. I guess this series is meant for the new generation of fans who will lap up whatever shit is thrown in front of them. I'll check out an episode or two, but my expectations are beyond low. They should have went the "Sailor Moon" route and just rebooted the story if they feel the need to milk the franchise this badly.

Can you feel the nerd rage building? Well, let's end this with something just completely idiotic. Sandra Bullock as the most beautiful woman in the world?! In the...world? HA! No, seriously, who is it really? You're serious about this? Ughhhh. They did this before with Jennifer Aniston too. Come on, people, this is absurd--even Sandy said it was ridiculous as well! I don't even like "mainstream" chicks, but you're honestly going to tell me Sandy is better looking than the likes of Kate Upton, Olivia Wilde, Zoe Saldana, etc.? I could literally name you a thousand girls more beautiful (and sexier) than Sandy...and that would be just warming up with Japanese girls. I can't help but laugh at this article. You go, girl!

Arrrrrggghhhh...Rika...show them how much sexier you are, please!