Ring: Kanzenban Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Before the first "Ring," and, seemingly before Japan discovered air conditioning, comes...whatever this is.

Review: Seriously, why is everyone so sweaty in this movie? Anyway, have you ever wondered what "Ring" would have been like as a made for TV movie from 1995? Well, search no further, because it actually exists and is about as shitacular as you'd imagine. To be fair, this did come first and the "original" Ring is the first of the remakes (followed by the Korean and American ones). Also, to this film's credit, it does come the closest to following the book's plot over all the other incarnations. This is either going to be a good thing to you or a huge departure from the story you typically associate with "Ring;" though, the core concepts do remain intact. For me, the main detriment was the horrendous production quality. I mean, "Ring" hides its age well except for the VHS aspect. This film, on the other hand, looks like the worst episode of "The X-Files" while high on ecstasy. When I couple this headache-inducing cinematography with the unexpected appearance of that first chick's potato pancake areolas...I'm about to lose my lunch.

You get the gist of the story at this point...Sadako is swimming in her little well, makes the cursed tape, and shenanigans ensue. Things that are more alike to the book, but new to casual fans, would be Asakawa being a man with a wife instead of that whole divorced/single mom drama. Ryuji is simply Asakawa's associate this time around though they still tone down his eccentric behavior. The cursed tape, while not being remotely scary, does depict the scenario of the book with Sadako's memories accompanied with instructions on how to continue the curse rather than it being ambiguous. Speaking of our girl...Sadako is depicted as a powerful psychic who tries to become an actress before being killed. As such, her death is almost the way it was in the book with the one doctor being enraged by her being a hermaphrodite and throwing her into the well. She also runs around topless or naked instead of her iconic yurei appearance. Finally, there is no Sadako coming out of the TV. Sorry. You have to keep in mind that this franchise is a lot more sci-fi oriented than horror; there are few, if any, scary moments in the film's entirety.

While this movie does offer up material fans might be unfamiliar with, I feel like you're taking too far of a step back. Even a purist fan of the book would be unimpressed by the lack of quality I would imagine. Everything feels so cheap with terrible lighting, unbearable film grain, pathetic special effects, and every scene looking so humid I start to sweat alongside the actors. This demonstrates how you can take a good story and it can come off laughable when the production capabilities cannot meet the scope of the plot. If you're a J-horror veteran you may want to check this out, but I would recommend casual fans to stick to whatever entry resonates with them rather than back-peddling to this shaky beginning. It's a modest attempt, but even the TV shows about "Ring" felt a little less cheesy.

Notable Moment: When Asakawa first watches the cursed tape. What a perfect example of how shitty the cinematography was back then. No wonder you have the "1995 style" meme.

Final Rating: 4.5/10