Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: This is what happens when you let tweakers edit your movie.
Review: Whoa...this might be the worst edited film I have ever seen! This will certainly be my new benchmark for horrendous editing that's for sure. My fucking goodness, what the hell were they thinking with this movie? It was as if they took an ADHD version of "Scooby Doo" and combined it with an endless array of stolen scenes from better films. I brought this up before, but imagine how a small child tells a story--they describe things in this manner: "...and then this happened, and then this happened, oh, and this happened, oh yeah and this happened first, but this happened before that..." Combine this pitiful display with the tweaker editing and you have a nauseating series of scenes strung together incoherently. To be honest, I don't even know what this movie was about. I suppose this film showed me what it must be like to huff markers for 90 minutes. What beautiful colors...
Setting aside a title that reminds me of Bella and Edward (shudder), this movie does have a respectable production value. Don't let that lull you into a false sense of security. however, as you will find yourself having a seizure within the first 10 minutes due to the ridiculously, fast-paced editing. There is something about suicides, cops, ghosts, psychics, a website, skanks, a wannabe "The Sixth Sense" twist, idiocy, and more shenanigans than I can tolerate. But the best aspect is the "Scooby Doo" inspired scheme by some random characters to scare people from their homes. And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling schoolgirls! Speaking of these characters, there are like a million of them! Good luck trying to keep track--some only appear for a single, split-second scene too. Don't worry though, none of the film's events matter or make sense in a feasible way. It was almost as if they wanted to tell an intertwining anthology tale but failed monumentally. I dare say there was a touch of pretentiousness as they kept using random animals for transition shots. What the hell does a rabbit, frog, doves, etc. have to do with this shit?! Also, I like how everyone talks about seeing ghosts like it's no big deal. "So I saw my grandma the other day..." "Oh yeah? I thought she was dead?" "Yup, she just stopped by to shoot the shit from hell!!!" And what's up with half the characters having jaundice? Go yellow? Why does one guy have all these girls chasing after him and are willing to commit suicide over him? He's not even a pretty boy or anything of interest. In fact, he's a bitch-boy! Now I'm just rambling on, but, man, are those markers smelling good...
Remember how I said people voted "Jaws in Japan" an 8/10? Are you sitting down for this? Guess what they rated this movie? A 9.5 out of 10?! HAHAHAHAHA! I am fucking cackling here! Yes...this movie is near perfect...sure. I'm thinking it only lost that .5, because the ending wasn't hipster enough. In conclusion, this movie sucks. The acting is pitiful, the story is mental patient-chic, and the editing is the worst in the world at the moment. This movie should only be watched when high, but, since the makers were high, what will happen? If the production value was only slightly worse, and that one chick wasn't so cute, this movie would be hovering around 2/10 territory. Yeah, it's that bad.
Notable Moment: When the one crazy girl knocks the teacher out with a flashlight. I love the nonchalant, I don't give a fuck swing. That acting though...
Final Rating: 3.5/10
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