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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

American Psycho 2 (aka American Psycho II: All American Girl) Review


Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Contrivances abound allowing a wannabe serial killer to fulfill her dream of joining the FBI.

Review: I would easily rank this among the worst sequels of all time--a complete embarrassment--disgracing the name of the original in the process. Obviously an unnecessary addition to the "American Psycho" legacy, I hate this moronic film with a passion. I vowed to never watch this abomination again, yet, here I am..arrrggghhh. To help ease me through the torture, I had to start playing solitaire and put back on "Lady in Red." But don't think that this shit is simply boring, oh no, it is insultingly stupid and makes my right eye twitch from homicidal rage. As many have realized, the script for this trash was once completely unrelated to "American Psycho," but they reworked it to have lame connections that surprisingly shit all over the first movie. Yeah, that's a smart idea. Clearly, someone did not want to keep their spleen after this!

So how does this pitiful story pay homage to the first film? Well, they start off by making the new killer, as a fucking little girl, kill Patrick Bateman. He was killed...by...a little girl? You know that part in "Batman" when the Joker wants a mirror? That's me after this revelation. FUCK YOU! From there, the story simply plunges deeper and deeper into idiocy. The ironic soundtrack that comprised the first movie is replaced with nobodies I would expect from direct to DVD puke. The killer, Rachael, is annoying, unlikable, and is only able to pull her scheme off due to unspeakable levels of contrivances. Rachael is one of the worst killers I could possibly imagine, and her kills have to be off-screen since she is a total lightweight and they knew it would look laughable otherwise. By the way, Mila Kunis plays Rachael, and, while I do like Ms. Kunis, this role is infuriatingly terrible. For whatever reason, they thought this plot would best be told from an overly comedic perspective with actual clown music playing during the climax. Fuuuuck. Rachael's plan is needlessly complicated and convoluted with questionable motivations. In reality, she would have been caught quite easily, but in movie-world she's apparently a genius. There are a few plot holes, those contrivances are in absurd quantities, and the ending will have you rolling your eyes incessantly. Surprise, she gets away with everything. Surrrrre.

Imagine everything that made the original interesting and take it away. Then add overwhelming levels of absurdity and idiocy that would make Uwe Boll blush. Finally, top that off with a story that insults the source material in the most disrespectful way conceivable. Even if you hated "American Psycho," you have to at least admit it was produced competently. This movie plays out like an angsty teenager's fantasy and makes about as much sense as well. Retarded, pointless, and going on at least 30 minutes too long...no one should EVER waste their time with this movie. Honestly, I just pretend this film doesn't exist.

Notable Moment: When William Shatner is hamming it up big time right before he dies. Only he could make the line, "Don't fuck with me," sound like a question more than a statement.

Final Rating: 3/10

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