Drive Thru Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: The ghost of a fast food mascot seeks revenge by killing the children of his tormentors.

Review: Not going to lie, the burger on the poster looks tasty! Umm, other than that compliment, there's really only one worthwhile aspect to this film: Leighton Meester. But even her hotness is ruined since Ms. Meester is supposed to be some kind of hipster-forerunner bitch. I guess this movie is supposed to be comedic, but it fails miserably in that regard. There were, maybe, two legitimately funny jokes where you might crack a smile and the rest of the time, if you do laugh, would be at how eye-roll-inducing each idiotic scene is. Oh, haha, your killer's name is Horny the Clown. Oh my god, no way, your characters are doing stupid shit while high?! I never saw that a million times before--so fucking HILARIOUS! Actually, the best gag, as lame as it is, was probably the detectives' names being a play on cheese and crackers (Chase and Crockers); that should give you an idea of the level of comedy gold we're dealing with here.

The story is about as shallow and moronic as you would expect. Some time in the '60s or '70s (I was hardly paying attention at that point), a bunch of kids tried messing with this dude on his birthday, but he accidentally was burned to death. The dead guy just happened to be the mascot for a fast food chain as well as being the son of the owner. Since he was turning 18 when he died, he has decided to kill the children of his tormentors in a similar fashion. Luckily for him, all his tormentors conveniently had children at the exact same time so that they would all be 18 during the same week. The supernatural aspect of the killer is ill-defined and inconsistent; one minute he's teleporting and the next he has to get through a door or stopped by a bullet. They also keep putting all of his actions in seizure-inducing fast motion--please stop. The deaths are weak with minimal gore which is disappointing since you want to see these annoying characters carved up like a pumpkin. In fact, the characters are among the most annoying of any movie I have ever had the displeasure of watching. If I weren't falling asleep and taking breaks half the time, I would have been driven crazy by these annoying assholes. Finally, the ending is plain retarded. That's pretty much the only way to describe it.

The idea of a killer Ronald McDonald is interesting, but this movie doesn't convey it properly. I can appreciate the parody aspects and satirical portrayal of the burger joint, however, the film never fully commits to comedy horror. If this weren't horror I would say the intended demographic was small children or, I guess, the pothead crowd. Ms. Meester is very attractive but those early hipster designs are simply not flattering on her. Overall, the story is stupid and nonsensical, the editing is atrocious, the dialogue is painful with punchable characters delivering the lines, they skimped out on the gore and killed people off screen, the ending is pathetic, and, worst of all, it fails monumentally to be humorous. Other than the enjoyment I receive from watching movies about food, there is little entertainment to be had here. Avoid like mad cow disease.

Notable Moment: When Morgan Spurlock pops up for a little cameo. One of the few amusing moments.

Final Rating: 3.5/10