Girl House Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A household comprised of webcam girls is slaughtered after inciting the anger of an obsessed fan.

Review: Yeah, I know, another pornoriffic-sounding horror movie! But I promised to cover one of Chasty Ballesteros' movies in my last ramble. Unfortunately, she is not even close to being the main character, however, she is topless quite a bit if that's more your pace. That aspect aside, this is a mostly mediocre film. I can appreciate the story they were trying to tell, but this would have made more sense, and left a greater impact, if it were made like 15-20 years ago when the internet was newer. I mean, seriously, who the hell gets their porn fix from webcam girls still? More so, this movie implies it's a really innovative idea to have a house full of webcam girls. Yeah, maybe in 1999 this would be a lucrative idea, but nowaday you can find the weirdest, most niche porn to satiate any lunatic's desires.

The good: the girls are a range from hot to cute with only one real busted up chick. Though...they do have that pornstar look to them--you know the look--which is definitely not my preferred face. Most get naked to a degree so there's that as well. Surprisingly, they cover up the low budget extremely well with a polished look to the picture; this is nowhere near as cheap feeling as you'd imagine. The kills are decent despite the quick succession of characters dying off. The story does not entirely take itself seriously, which helps, yet there was a hint of social commentary; for example, the one bitch killing herself once she realized how mangled her face was by the killer.

 I really wanted a better picture of Ms. Ballesteros, but she's topless in all her best closeups!

The bad: besides the plot feeling outdated, it was like they combined "Halloween: Resurrection" with every college movie ever while throwing in a dash of Leatherface. This combination of ingredients does not blend well. The killer could have been sympathetic, but they kind of gave up explaining his motivations midway; this makes the opening scene so pointless in the grand scheme of things. The romance subplot is beyond forced and stupid. The main girl also puts up with this boyfriend too easily when they hardly know one another, and he's being an asshole. More annoyingly, certain idiotic characters (like the boyfriend's roommate) get more attention than the webcam girls who needed more development. Finally, all the shenanigans with the main girl traveling back and forth 70 miles for school is absolutely ludicrous.

Overall, this film is best enjoyed if you like to be pandered toward. While there is a large amount of fanservice, there is more going on than you'd imagine; the last 40 minutes alone are a pure rampage by the killer. The movie has a clean look to it that masks the production limitations to the point that I would consider this a moderate rental for the curious. Just don't expect much as the main detriment is how outlandish the plot is in regard to the popularity of webcam girls. Realistically, no one would care this much about a webcam service nor would they go through this much trouble to keep the house hidden.

Notable Moment: When the one chick is choked to death by a dildo. That's probably one of the most embarrassing ways to die ever depicted.

Final Rating: 5/10