A Christmas Horror Story Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Intertwining stories tell the tale of a Christmas gone horribly wrong.

Review: I thought this could, potentially, be the Christmas equivalent of "Trick 'r Treat," but, alas, it fell well below expectations; I was really looking forward to this one too. The stories just aren't interesting and have terrible resolution whereby you aren't even sure if they're over or not. The cause for this confusion is the shoddy editing employed to give the illusion that the stories interlock...but they don't really. Each story only has one character that crosses over to another story--creating more of a chain rather than a cohesive universe--and these characters are not presented in an essential way either. With that said, there is one saving grace that stops this film from entering complete mediocrity, and that is the final twist regarding how the wraparound connects to the main story. Finally, I've ordered the stories by the point in which they end, and I've simply declared the DJ cuts with William Shatner as the wraparound; this should make understanding the film easier. Also, I've given each segment a title so you know which one I'm specifically discussing. Okay, let's dive in, shall we?

Wraparound: There really isn't a lot to these cutaways except that William Shatner is probably reading his lines off a script out of camera view. Maybe that's not fair...this performance had way more heart than pieces of shit like "American Psycho 2" that's for fucking sure. All you need to take from this segment is the character Norman hating Christmas and the buildup to his shenanigans at a local mall. Early on, you will realize the cuts to the other segments are pointless as the stories didn't need to be broken up in this fashion. They could have had each story depicted in their entirety with only cuts back to the wraparound as an interlude. As I said, this isn't "Trick 'r Treat," and the stories do not have a noticeable connection, crossover, or buildup that needed inter-spliced shots from the other tales.

Segment 1: Changeling: This is probably the least Christmas-y of the bunch. Oh, sure, there are presents, a tree, etc., but you could drop that background dressing and it would have little effect. In fact, I could say that about pretty much all the stories. Anyway, a family decides they will sneak onto some guy's land and cut down a tree. What really makes this stupid is that the dad is a cop, and they mention this fact! The dumb son disappears, and, when he's found, he's acting like a complete weirdo. The parents don't question this bizarre scenario properly at all. I was hoping the kid would be an alien, but, as the title I've added explains, he's just a shapeshifter or changeling if you will. This segment is plain weird--the most disturbing aspect is when the changeling is seemingly molesting the mom. Granted, I've seen waaay worse, but, given the established tone of this film, that's going over the line. Making this story all the more ridiculous is the guy who owns the land with the tree; he tracks down the family and wants the changeling back. When the mom manages to bring it back, after the husband magically dies without a peep, she ends up shooting the guy who owns the land. I guess as a thank you, the changeling returns the son. Uh huh. This will obviously be the first story where you realize the stories are going to end without you fully knowing when.

Segment 2: Virgin Mary: This could have easily been the scariest, but it failed...HARD! Three teens decide they will sneak into their school on Christmas Eve to investigate the one year anniversary of two kids being murdered. Yeaaah, because that's a good idea. This couldn't wait until after Christmas? It's not like anyone would know when you filmed. So how does this story connect to the others? Well, the teens watch a short video of the dad in the changeling segment, being a cop, as he investigates those murders. You see what I mean about the tenuous connections? So the teens are making their own documentary or something until they realize the principal is still roaming the halls. Ducking into a door, they become supernaturally locked in the basement where the murders took place and begin to hear and see shit. Supposedly this school used to house unwed mothers or whatever, and the ghost is one that killed herself for some reason. The ghost wants her baby to be born nonetheless and possesses the girl of this group in order to make her try and fuck one of the guys. They try to make a connection between Jesus and the ghost supposedly immaculately conceiving, but it's seriously brushed over and unexplained. By the end, the ghost seemingly succeeds as the girl becomes pregnant, and you also realize the ghost was the killer of the first two kids since they wouldn't cooperate. Eh, the ghost looked kind of scary, they tried to have a more serious connection with Christmas, and there were good ideas. Too bad it didn't make sense and went in the worst direction possible. I'm mostly mad they had one of the original victims as Asian and wasted a chance to have a Kayako-wannabe running around! Nobody else wants to see the Saeki family Christmas special?!

Segment 3: Krampus: This was definitely the worst of the bunch. Not joking--I'd rather watch Mr. Shatner ham it up all day than to watch this. First off, the connection is that the daughter here is the girlfriend of one of the guys in the virgin Mary segment. This tale involves a family visiting their estranged aunt, because the dad clearly wants money from her. The idea of Krampus is like the opposite of Santa and going after bad children. In fact, so many movies and stories are involving Krampus out of the blue. This concept has been around for hundreds of years, and yet now filmmakers are acknowledging it? Oh well. The family are assholes and incite the anger of Krampus who begins to kill them. When the daughter is the only one alive, she manages to kill Krampus which reveals it was actually the aunt's groundskeeper. The aunt claims that Krampus is a force and can possess anyone full of hate. When the daughter realizes that the aunt was cool with her family dying, she allows herself to turn into Krampus and kill the aunt. Well, at least Krampus looked cool so there's that.

Segment 4: Santa vs. Zombies: This segment seriously saves the entire film. Besides reveling in the over the top nature of the plot, the final twist leaves the audience with a sense of satisfaction that made the experience feel worth it. Yes, zombies are played out and overused nowaday, but it'll make sense by the end. Maybe after a bad batch of cookies from Mrs. Claus, the elves turn into zombies and try to kill Santa. Fighting his way through the horde of undead elves, Santa is determined to make Christmas still happen. He comes to believe Krampus must be behind this evil plot which, of course, Krampus does show up for an epic showdown. But right as Santa is about to kill Krampus we see that Krampus is just some guy and that Santa was Norman from the wraparound. With each cut to the wraparound, they kept mentioning how Norman wasn't checking in and that there was a hostage situation at the mall. As it turns out, Norman was hallucinating the entire story whereby he saw himself as Santa fighting zombies which were just shoppers and probably kids. Not wanting to believe the truth, the cops are forced to shoot Norman. The entire film closes out with the DJ getting drunk and speaking nonsense about "The Twelve Days of Christmas" song. I definitely did not see that twist coming, and it was very cool and creative. I was already enjoying the cornball nature of Santa fighting zombies, but this added a layer of depth to the story.

I should probably emphasize that, although the stories are mostly bland, the production value is respectable; there is a polished look to everything. Had the stories not been butchered with cutaways and edits, and simply told normally, I would have bumped this up to a 6/10. As it stands, I'm already giving it a higher rating mostly due to the final twist that comes out of left field to save the day. I'll admit, the disappointment factor is playing a big part in the rating so maybe others will enjoy this more than I. Overall, there are better Christmas horror movies out there and significantly better family movies that's for sure. If you want to give this one a try, be my guest, but keep in mind that the stories are boring and slow-paced, the interlocking aspect does not come together meaningfully, and, if the final twist can't blow you away, this may be considered a total failure to some.

Notable Moment: When the changeling is standing down a hallway, creating a kind of silhouette, and all you can see is the glowing eyes. Not a bad effect at all, but the story still sucked nevertheless.

Final Rating: 5.5/10