Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Ghosts...in the fog...want revenge or something...it really doesn't matter.
Review: This might not be the worst remake of all time, but it sure as hell was pointless and shitacular. I'll give them a tiny bit of credit for attempting to correct the gripes I had with the original, but they failed monumentally in every other regard. The ending, in particular, is irredeemably moronic--one of the dumbest endings you could imagine honestly. There was easily room to improve over the original yet by the time that "sex" scene rolls around you are already losing interest. I'd go as far as to say no one bothered to watch the original or something. Gone is the atmosphere and creepy wraiths--in its place are shit CGI and teenybopper-esque drama. What the fuck were they thinking?! I remember wasting my money to see this in the theater...I fully apologize for that.
So let's go over the changes. When will Hollywood learn that CGI is not scary?! The ghosts look like absolute fucking garbage! You cannot even begin to compare the original effects to this; it's no contest. My main problems with the original revolved around a shallow story weakened further by one-dimensional characters. Here, these same problems persist and have been amplified! Who the fuck are any of these losers--fucking Clark Kent, really? The ghosts have no logic or reason to their actions either. Wow, some stupid sack of shit at the bottom of the ocean opens up and that triggers the ghosts?! What's with the beach bum too? The girlfriend is a reincarnated ghost...whaaaaat?! If she was able to be reincarnated then why the hell is the rest of the crew ghosts still?! ARRRGH! Oh, yeah, sure, they made it so the victims are actually connected to the betrayal of the ghosts this time--big whoop. One gold star for you, assholes. And actually...how are this many people related to those four guys? Town full of inbred freaks. Whose idea was it to lengthen the running time over the original? Someone realistically believed they needed more time to tell this--this--tale?! That's adorable. Going back to Clark Kent, was he supposed to be our hero? He didn't do anything except cheat and look confused. What a hero. Now that I think about it...every character is significantly dumber and more irrelevant than their counterpart from the original; the worst offender is probably that bratty kid. Okay, time to end this...now I'm just sitting here shaking my head and laughing while trying to think up retarded things that happened.
I really want to lower the score more, but I must maintain consistency. After all, this is nowhere near as horrific as the "Halloween" remake. Though...that did have my dear Danielle in it...hmm. Anyway, the film is competently put together from a technical standpoint, sans the CGI, of course; if I'm being objective, most aspects lean more toward bland than outright terrible. I can mildly appreciate the effort to explain a few loose ends from the original, but you can't simultaneously create a debacle in the process. More to the point, this film cannot come close to competing with the original in any form of film making. It does not replicate the atmosphere or sense of dread yet feebly copies scenes from the original without rhyme or reason. I'd also go one step further and say this is an insult to the original and the crew could not hold a candle to Carpenter's version despite the shortcomings of the original. Finally, I want to reiterate that the perpetual stream of inferior remakes really needs to stop!
Notable Moment: When Elizabeth goes outside in the cold. She takes the time to put on a sweater but not pants? Okaaay...I guess you gotta add a little sex appeal for that precious, PG-13 crowd.
Final Rating: 4/10
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