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Saturday, October 15, 2016
3: All Hallows Eve (aka Voices from the Grave) Review
Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Well, it's not the worst anthology film I've reviewed...so there's that, right?
Review: You don't even want to know how many days it took me to slog through this ungodly mess. At a glance I thought this was supposed to be "All Hallows' Eve 3" or something, but this is an entirely different film. First off, that title is beyond misleading--as only the first segment involves Halloween--but, in fairness, the filmmakers did intend for the title to be "Voices from the Grave;" I guess you need to blame whoever marketed this trash (I'm looking at you Amazon!). However, the problems go far, far beyond misleading titles. This is amateur hour of a caliber that is nearly impossible to tolerate. We are talking home movie quality of shit here, people! The picture and sound quality alone are so disgraceful most casual viewers will immediately turn this off. The acting is what happens when you grab friends and neighbors, and the direction isn't even comparable to collegiate level, student films. The one positive I can actually say is that the camerawork was admirable. Meaning, the angles and shots used clearly demonstrated that someone on this crew knew something besides the basics; I guess technically the editor was decent too.
Wraparound: When you see that shit quality of film and acting you should have an understanding of what kind of movie you've, regretfully, gotten yourself into. With that said, this wasn't too bad as far as wraparounds go. Some random dude goes to a book store looking for something obscure and scary. A book magically falls off the shelf called "Voices from the Grave" and this guy decides to instantly settle in to read it. To this guy's credit, he was tasked with the hardest job on the set...pretending that the laughable events of this movie were actually scary. I especially love how, after each segment, he's all winded. Yeah, sure, okay, buddy. Anyway, after finishing the stories, the guy buys the book implying that there are more stories we didn't get to yet. Oh fuck, say it ain't so. When he gets in his car he finds signature items from each segment as he seemingly dies...I guess. Eh, it's really not too bad of a concept, but it's just so hard to ignore the inferior quality to every single facet of filmmaking.
All Hallows Eve: Obviously this segment was the ploy to get me to watch this. Grrr! Two brothers get into a minor argument one Halloween while at a party. Employing idiocy levels we've never seen before, the older brother actually gives his own car keys to his drunken younger brother. Shockingly, the younger brother crashes and dies. Trick or treat mother fucker! Despite three years passing, the older brother apparently still has braces. Whaaaaat?! How busted up were this guy's teeth?! Seriously people, you couldn't have used a different actor in this role? Ugh. So now the older brother hates Halloween and we get a ton of padding to demonstrate this. For some, inexplicable reason, the younger brother's ghost comes back this year for...revenge...I guess...except it was some punkass kid that actually caused the dumbass to crash in the first place! Whatever, dude. After much bullshit, the older brother runs from the ghost and crashes his car similarly to the younger brother. Wow, I never would have seen that one coming. Needless to say, this sucked. On the other hand, this was also the best entry...so, yeaaah...let that one sink in.
Invitation: Without question, this is not only the worst segment but could easily be one of the dumbest anthology tales I have ever had the misfortune to endure (and that's saying something)! Another random dude is hanging out at the bar talking about leaving town as if we should care why. In his car he finds an invitation to the worst party known to mankind. My sixth birthday at Micky-D's had more excitement going on than this shit! Just thinking about this segment is giving me another migraine. There is something about everyone knowing the dude at this party but he doesn't know them. Some woman appears in the windows, and she is apparently an axe-wielding maniac who kills people with cheap, plastic props. Everyone at the party was a previous victim, and they're adding the main dude to the collection or whatever. Honestly, I'm blocking out the details--this is significantly worse than I'm making it sound.
Re-Possessed: Finally closing us out is more of the same. This time around the guy here (all guys in this anthology) finds himself in a too good to be true situation when purchasing a Corvette for only $700. The previous owner had died and his spirit is seemingly possessing the car "Christine" style except nowhere remotely in the same ballpark of special effects. As the guy realizes something isn't right about his new car, the ghost kills the guy's girlfriend and friend in extremely cornball, yet amusing, ways. The ending is pathetic since magically the ghost possesses the main guy and is able to come back to life. Wait, what? How the fuck are you going to explain his miraculous resurrection? While this segment was as terrible as the others overall, the camerawork was especially commendable given the low-budget.
If IMDb is to be believed, this movie cost ten grand to make. Hmm, I'd believe it. I really hated this movie, but I will cut it some slack here and there due to that kind of budget limitation. Oh, don't get me wrong, the rating is still pitiful, but I could have went lower that's for sure. I mean, almost every important detail that goes into filmmaking is screwed up here. However, as I mentioned, the camerawork is above average and the editing to make that clear was good too. Believe me, I've seen countless instances of horrendous editing in the past and this surprisingly looked clean. Now, if you're looking for something to watch this Halloween, this sure as hell is not an option. In fact, no one should be wasting their precious time on this shit. End of story.
Notable Moment: In an ocean of shitacular scenes, I was surprisingly impressed by one failed attempt at a shot. In the "All Hallows Eve" segment, the camera is supposed to be above the ceiling fan and the ghost was intermittently appearing in between each blades rotation. They fucked it up, of course, but I respect the idea.
Final Rating: 3/10
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