The Funhouse Massacre Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Coworkers spend their Halloween at a horror-themed funhouse that is operated by actual serial killers.

Review: Well this was a pleasant surprise. I had virtually no expectation beyond the knowledge that we get a titty shot from Chasty Ballesteros (and that was almost enough for me). However, this little, cornball film delivered a lot of humor, a massive body count, and a few ballsy moves I wouldn't have anticipated like killing off almost all the main characters. Sure, there are jokes that fall flat or make no sense altogether, but successfully having fun with the material is what most filmmakers get wrong. They nailed it. Now, don't get me wrong, there are plenty of stupid aspects that drag down the score. Believe me, I'm not trying to hype this movie up by no means. With a movie called "The Funhouse Massacre," you need to simply sit back and relax.

The story here is that a Harley Quinn-wannabe busts out a group of serial killers locked away in some hidden asylum. The serial killers themselves are nothing to write home about unfortunately. I will say that the Jason-wannabe was annoying me though, because he was too strong and invincible without explanation other than he's a big guy. Don't ask me why Robert Englund is on the center of the cover though since he's not one of the killers, and he dies right away when the killers escape. Guess you gotta exploit that marketing, huh? What a waste though. Anyway, this Harley chick, referred to as Dollface, has manipulated some dupe into constructing a horror-themed funhouse based on the escaped serial killers' methods. The plan is to...I guess...just kill as many people as possible that show up? Well, clearly, they were not thinking long-term. Just roll with it. On a side note, I actually liked the douchebag that Dollface was manipulating; his insults were amusing and he was still talking shit as they were killing him!

As for our leads, they obviously wanted to go with cliched high school kids, but they opted for coworkers at a diner of some sort. It's at this point I wanted to see a sexy Chasty Ballesteros in action but her costume was--as she explained it--sexy Hillary. Bleehhh. Even if I ignore that revolting imagery for a second, the platinum blonde wig was annoying me. What I'm getting at here, people, is that they dropped the ball with utilizing that firecracker, Chasty! Plus, they killed her first--dafuq?! Moving along...the cast is further rounded out by the goofball police, a sheriff with a connection to one of the killers and her deputy. This might sound like a lot of characters to balance screen time for, but they pulled it off decently.

 Chasty, baby, what kind of costume is that? NO...just no.

Where the film truly shines is when all the patrons show up to see the funhouse only to end up as unsuspecting victims trapped in a gated area. The editing and pacing works well as we get constant kills accompanied by progress from the characters in figuring out what's happening. Also, keep in mind that these shenanigans are always in a lighthearted tone with plenty of gags added for good measure. Eventually it's up to only those two cops and the coworkers to fight the killers. As I mentioned, they kill off most of the main cast which surprised me. I mean, you expected, at the very least, the awkward geeks to get together rather than dying. You think all of the killers are also dead, but it's revealed that Dollface magically survived and a post-credit scene shows our Jason-wannabe has miraculously survived as well despite taking hundreds of bullets and a shotgun blast to the head.

If you go into this expecting a serious horror movie you will be sorely disappointed. Likewise, I'm not promising that everyone will enjoy the sense of humor the story employs. However, if you just want a splatterfest with a Halloween theme, this film has you covered and then some. Of course, there are things that impressed me that maybe others will be annoyed by--such as killing off the geeks--but with the ridiculously high body count, sexy Ms. Ballesteros, and general sense of fun from the filmmakers, I don't see why any horror fan won't get a kick out of this. Is this a great Halloween alternative? Probably not especially if showing it to casual viewers for the holiday. I'd probably recommend popping this in as the lead-in to your main feature or watch it earlier in October. Honestly, if it weren't for the costumes and a few strategically placed props, this hardly even qualifies as a Halloween-themed movie anyway.

Notable Moment: When the deputy is playing NES. Besides wielding the original zapper, the deputy's game also crashes and he tries blowing into the cartridge. Good times...good times.

Final Rating: 6/10