Belated happy birthday, my dear!
First order of business: after all these years, IMDb has decided to shut down their message boards and, seemingly, the ability to even send messages to other users. To put it simply: pitiful. My fucking goodness...I've been a listed user (as it claims) since July 2004, and I'm sure I was lurking for a year or two before signing up officially. If you sift your way through the PR bullshit, it basically boils down to the site feeling as though users need a safe space...to give fake reviews and ratings completely unchallenged. (Whispering) Yaaaaaay. Man, fuck you! I also love how they refer to users as "customers." HAHA that's a good one. Oh sure, the message boards were plagued by idiots, spammers, and someone saying "worst movie ever" on every single film, but that's the way it's always been. Why the change now, huh? HUH? I have no doubt that these pussy bitches were just tired of garbage being called out for what it is. Face it, Hollywood has been churning out shit for years now. The public has grown tired of this and is becoming increasingly vocal. The site already offers numerous ways to filter things so that you read nothing but opinions that agree with you...so what's the problem? You can block people, ignore threads or users, hide your ratings, etc. Realistically, if anyone is being "bullied" on a fucking website they have but to simply log the fuck off! You might not think this is a big deal, but IMDb really is the most comprehensive site for film itself. I mean, they have EVERYTHING! It's like being taken to a library with every book in existence...but then being told you can't talk about what you read. AND, going back to my earlier point, I've yet to see these jackasses crack down on fake reviews and ratings which consistently bolster horrible movies...except now you won't be able to say anything back. Argh. This isn't over, IMDb!
I haven't been posting as many movie reviews lately, because I usually play "Skyrim" remastered with my free time. Sorry. However, the one thing that could take me away even from "Skyrim" was "Resident Evil 7." Finally, the franchise is back on track! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm one of the few people who will defend RE6, but I can't deny that it made no sense and failed miserably to take the franchise further. RE7, on the other hand, is reminiscent of RE4 in that it has completely rejuvenated the franchise in the best of ways. So...I want to go over why RE7 succeeded and why RE6 didn't.
RE7: It kind of feels like a reboot, but it's so different that I wouldn't go as far as classifying it as a remake. Of course there are shortcomings, but that's for a different debate. As for where it succeeded, look no further than properly making things scary again. I remember the first time I played the original "Resident Evil" and how my friends and I tried to figure out the puzzles and jumped from the doggie coming through the window. RE7 recaptures that sense of wonder and puts you on edge. I haven't played the VR version, but, from what I can imagine and have heard, it's pretty intense. You still heal the same, use familiar weapons, and navigate a mansion yet it's such a change of pace somehow. It's tough to properly word. The ending and explanations are a bit lackluster, but the potential has been unleashed in the same way RE4 opened the door to a whole new experience. By the way, RE4 is not only my favorite RE title but in my top 10 games of all time.
RE6: You knew they fucked up when the 6 is in the shape of a giraffe getting a blowjob (I'll confess I did not originally make that observation, but the discoverer was right: you cannot unsee it!). Back on track...RE6 simply tried to tackle too much. I appreciate the massive campaigns since I got my money's worth that's for sure. But the story was utter nonsense, and I still don't really get what was happening. Neo-Umbrella was waiting for a time to strike but their plans were unleashed earlier because of a bitch jealous of Ada? Hell if I fucking know! Honestly, it's irrelevant since the storytelling was doomed from the start just by the character selection and pairings. Leon and...some chick. Chris and...some dude. Ada and...her crossbow (supposedly they patched in someone for her)? Sherry all grown up and Wesker's son...whaaaat? Why the fuck are these two even in the goddamn game?! Why not have it Leon and Ada? Can you imagine how awesome that would have been? Chris and Jill reunited? Or how about Chris and Claire and Jill with Barry or something? Why were there more new characters than classic?! Besides these blunders out the gate, the pacing is too fast with Michael Bay-esque setpieces at every turn for no discernible reason. The bosses take way too much effort to kill and everything feels stupid when it could have been amazing. When you put this alongside RE7 it's like comparing night and day.
Okay, so back to talking about movies. My list of anticipated movies hasn't been updated in a long ass time, because nothing wants to come out! "Rings" is finally out with shitty reviews. Shocking, I know. I'll probably see it...I haven't been to the movies since "Bad Moms," and I crave the popcorn. Of course, I can't forget that I did manage to cross off "Sadako vs Kayako" from the list, but that was something that needed to be experienced. The "It" remake has me worried, and I haven't wanted to watch "Sinister 2" after it too had horrific reviews. My goodness, and, at this point, we might honestly get "Half-Life 3" before we see "Trick 'r Treat 2!" Finally, there is "The Void" with Ellen Wong though I hear she's not the main character yet top billed? Technically, this movie is out but only on the indie circuit. I may be a movie buff, but a film festival might be a little too involved for my liking. Though...what if Ms. Wong made an appearance? Hmm. Besides my desire for Ellen Wong to be the first Asian scream queen, I've been anticipating "The Void" ever since they promised it would be Lovecraft meets "The Thing." Sign me up! Can this finally get a wide release sometime while I'm young(ish)?
I've decided that I'll try to cover romance and chick flicks throughout all of February from here on out since the first two weeks leading up to Valentine's Day don't leave me with a lot of time. Not that I like torturing myself more than I have to, but there are holes in my film knowledge that could use filling. And hey, it's the shortest month after all. The last thing is that I am already trying to assemble what movies to review for May's Asian horror month. If there are any movies I haven't reviewed yet just email me, or reply, send a letter by owl, or contact me however I have this godforsaken blog set up! Preferably, I don't want to review anything with remakes like "Pulse." Ideally, I want standalone entries, but I might cover a franchise like the "Whispering Corridors" quintet. So, yeaaah, pretty much any suggestion is welcome even if it's of a movie I already reviewed (just make sure it was before June 2013 since those are what fall under my updated review list).
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