Dark Water (2005 Remake) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: The completely useless remake of the original Japanese film.

Review: Other than a few decent effects, and the inclusion of Jennifer Connelly (not even looking dreamy), this remake is a complete failure and waste of time. Nothing about the original "Dark Water" really screamed Japanese-centric to begin with so I'm not sure why there needed to be a localized version to begin with. Sure, the cinematography is okay here, and a few drenched sets are cool too, but big deal. Nothing that matters was made better, and plenty of concepts were made significantly worse. For example, did we need a Samara-lite version of the ghost? She doesn't even have makeup effects either which is annoying! The original tried to give the audience one big scare with the ghost's true form and these imbeciles couldn't handle that.

My main criticisms about the original involved not being scary and not creating an emotionally moving drama. Welllll....not only are neither accomplished here too, but the filmmakers decided to play up story elements that are a total waste of time. Oh, yeah, sure, the whole time I was watching the original I was soooo wanting more action from the stupid fucking maintenance guy and building manager. Yup, that is crucial. What's that...more bullshit? Yes, please, give me a subplot with a lawyer, dumb teacher, and the husband potentially paying punk kids with pizza to cause trouble. Wait, scratch that...all joking aside, PLEASE give me more subplots about bribing people with pizza! I wasn't dreaming that part, right? They implied that the mom is either hallucinating or the dad was like buying slices of pizza and lighting the cigarette for some punks who never appear again. What is even happening in this movie?!

Blah blah blah, we get the same shtick with the ghost wanting a mom and her body being in the reservoir or whatever. Though, this time they leave it sorta vague about covering up the death. Dude, I don't know. There are so many plot tangents and useless filler it's hard to keep track of it all. At what point were the horror elements supposed to kick in? I did like how sleepy Ms. Connelly is--reminds me a bit of "Secret Window" in this regard. The ending is weaker than the original, because they try to make things happy or something when there's no way to really spin your mom's death. I already suggested how to fix the original to make it feel truly complete, yet, in this incarnation there is no way to salvage the mess.

Realistically, there is no conceivable reason to watch this remake. It's inferior in every regard. I'm pretty sure the original also had a dub so even if reading subtitles is such a huge challenge for an individual, they still have you covered. I think what could have made this remake worthwhile is if they cranked up the horror through the roof. Truly emphasize that the ghost's body was seeping into the water supply. Have a scene of the ghost emerging from the dark water in a makeup heavy effect--something impressive to remember. Keep the lighting extra dark, include a more paranoid tone, and depict the ghost potentially haunting the whole building. I mean, I could spitball ideas all day, but it's too late. This movie is weak as hell, but, I suppose, if you never saw the original, it leans more toward the mediocre side of things.

Notable Moment: When the ghost appears to the daughter at the school bathroom. I like the shot of the ghost appearing outside the glass--reminiscent of "The Ring 3"--but the lack of a makeup effect is a mindless decision.

Final Rating: 4.5/10