Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: A dark day has come...
Review: I have been dreading this moment for years but the time has come. Here goes...this is the WORST MOVIE EVER! And you bet your sweet ass that is saying something drastic! It didn't even dawn on me until after the credits began rolling. Unlike pure shit like "Howling 7," "Asian School Girls," or "Severed," I was so stunned by the overwhelming levels of idiocy that it took a few moments for the gravity of the situation to sink in. I'm still trying to suppress the insatiable, homicidal rage!
Wha--what is this?! This isn't a goddamn movie. This is nothing more than shitacular editing of scenes from the previous installments interspersed with shots of some chick in a bikini sunbathing. I mean, maybe if the girl had been of, say, Manami Hashimoto quality that would have been different...but she's not even hot! Then, at the end, there is something with a ranger...who's not really a ranger...and a random hunter that is scared. Next thing you know, bikini girl is standing around in her underwear with a knife, kills that hunter or whatever, and goes after the alleged ranger. The end? THE END?! What the fuck?! Big shock, the clips from the previous entries look like shit and make no sense at all. They set up the edits like their flashbacks but then the edits can sometimes cut back to other entries. Soooo...flashbacks within flashbacks--fashback-ception? Argh. Surprise, surprise, the audio is like two kids talking in a cup connected by string, the acting isn't even as good as the dogs in "Air Bud" part 20, and the film quality consists of a generous helping of Vaseline covering a potato. Oh god...
At first I considered a higher score because clips of the previous installments are at least worth some points...right? Then I figured why should I reward such absolute laziness when it leads to a greater problem: the whole fucking movie is padding! Oh sure, this was unfinished footage and never intended to be a feature. However, this didn't stop someone from trying to sell this disaster. For that audacity...that unabashed shamelessness...I will not simply forgive anything! SC4 is the unquestionable and uncontested dumbest thing I have ever forced myself to watch. It lacks every single definable quality of a true motion picture. There are fucking snuff films out there with better quality. The average, amateur porn from Ethel and Arthur has more believable acting. The only--and let me stress this--the ONLY reason I didn't give this a damn 0/10 was due to the chick being at least passably attractive. That's it. What an absolute disgrace to all of cinema. I could have said so much more about this trash fire, but I'm already doing everything I can to contain myself from lashing out. To paraphrase Tommy Jarvis, "'Sleepaway Camp 4' belongs in hell...and I'm going to see that it gets there."
Notable Moment: The notable moment is that I didn't stab someone after enduring this nightmare.
Final Rating: 0.5/10
No comments:
Post a Comment