Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Prior to his death, a man sends his whiny, bitch wife letters to help her move on with her meaningless life.
Review: Goddamn was this a painful experience. In fact, this was one of the most insufferable films I've ever had to endure. Oh my fucking goodness. Don't get me wrong, there are much worse films I've reviewed, however, plenty of those were captivating in their own special way. Here, the story is torturous, boring, cliched, and the characters are unlikable with shit dialogue and delivery. Plus, the tone is way off, and there is zero emotional resonance to any scene whatsoever. This is so badly written and directed that it almost comes off as a parody of chick flicks and how stupid and unoriginal they tend to be.
I had intended to review maybe 3 other chick flicks in this time period leading up to Valentine's Day, but it took me FOREVER to get through the two hour slog of this running time. I lost track of how many times I turned this shit off simply because I couldn't take it anymore. Multiple times I considered abandoning the movie altogether. Hell, it took me 3 days just to reach the title screen!
Okay, so the heart of the story problems lie with the self-absorbed, bratty, little bitch lead character, Holly, played horrifically by Hilary Swank. This is what I meant by parody in the fact that Holly is so unlikable naturally that it's shocking the writers thought the audience would support her. She doesn't deserve her husband, she's such a big baby, even admits at one point that she was mad she wasn't the center of attention, she is a tease and a ho, is inconsistently sad and emo, and, above all else, in dire need of getting her ass kicked. Why would all these pretty boys throw themselves at her? Because the writers said so. Fuck, I'd go gay for Gerard Butler if he sings me "All I Ask of You." Badly acted and pitifully presented, Ms. Swank's performance and character remove any engagement with the story.
But what really makes this viewing experience so excruciating? It's a combination of the editing mixed with nonsensical story progression. We get multiple useless scenes, characters who add nothing to the plot, and laughable plot revelations that ultimately offer nothing to entertain the audience. However, what really puts the icing on the cake is the complete lack of emotional impact with anything. The husband dying is brushed over for whatever reason, and Holly never appears truly sad over the loss--just sad that she's alone. Where are the dramatic moments in this story? Holly breaking down at the end was laughable, and that was probably the big moment meant to hit the audience. Nope. Had me rolling my eyes and continually checking to see how much time was left. Finally, the way in which all the events wrap up, and Holly gets her last stupid letter, were lame and leave the viewer feeling cheated.
As always, I understand I was not the target demographic, but I can appreciate a good story and characters one way or another. Here, the characters have no depth, charm, or entertainment value. Worst of all, you do not feel the damn romance at all! There is absolutely no chemistry between Holly and any of her love interests. The retarded notes that drive the story forward aren't even interesting nor do they help reveal the past in a meaningful way. Realistically, this film lacks substance from the get-go yet is made worse by a lack of tone, vision, and emotional impact. The scenes feel loosely strung together with little tonal consistency as well. If your wife, girlfriend, lover, mistress, real doll, chick you're watching through the window decides to put this on...just run or fall asleep.
P.S. I hate this movie.
Notable Moment: When Lisa Kudrow's character gets utterly destroyed and then spirals into a tirade about how she deserves the best man. Bitch, the only thing you deserve is to die bitter and alone.
Final Rating: 3.5/10
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