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Friday, April 10, 2020
The Phoenix Tapes '97 Review
Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Found footage trash about a group of friends conveniently abducted by aliens one at a time.
Review: Let's be upfront: this is a complete waste of time. Oh, sure, this movie is barely an hour long, but it still managed to take me from fully awake to fully asleep. That's impressive in a way. There are essentially little to no redeeming qualities to speak of so let's address those first. The character banter somewhat feels believable. The general premise is intriguing regarding the real life phenomenon and mystery. The opening sequence makes you think this movie could be remotely entertaining. And that's about all there is for the positives.
Cliches abound as we see typical idiocy with characters running around and recording for no reason. The aliens, if we are to accept that, are weak and barely shown. More so, the aliens are implausible and stupid; they act like any other found footage creature who takes a character one at a time. Why couldn't the aliens simply abduct the group all at once? And why target these goofballs? I mean, these guys are in the middle of nowhere--did the aliens stumble upon them? Or was their plan to actually land in the middle of a fucking desert and pray there are people there to take? And how did that soldier come across those tapes? At least if they hinted that the creatures weren't actually aliens--or that the government knew of the incident outright--then we may have more to work with. This is already more thought than this movie deserves.
Overall, this is shit. Wasted potential with the material, nothing happens, and these are laughable aliens who would cross the vastness of space to abduct a couple of fuckers fishing in the middle of oblivion. If you are looking for a sleep-aid then this may be a useful alternative; otherwise, avoid this garbage at all costs.
Notable Moment: Honestly, the opening setup had me hopeful.
Final Rating: 3/10
Yyikes
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