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Sunday, June 13, 2021

The Tunnel 3D (Korean 2014) Review


Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Shenanigans of the highest order ensue after a writer throws dozens of scripts in a blender and, shockingly, shit comes out.

Review: This is easily among the top 5 (maybe top 3) worst K-horror movies I have ever forced myself to endure. Besides being an incoherent mess from start to finish, every single scene is excruciatingly boring to the point that I watched this in 1-5 minute bursts. This was painful to say the least. The acting is bad, the effects are weak, the lighting is humorously bright for a movie taking place in a mine, the final twist is idiotic, and the only redeeming qualities are a bare-bones understanding of film making from the crew.

So what the fuck is this shit? Honestly, it's tough to even say. We get a seemingly haunted mine in the opening sequence, then we get a rave(?), "I Know What You Did Last Summer" action, a transition into "My Bloody Valentine," followed by everything being the most ludicrous revenge scheme imaginable. What?! I have discussed script-in-a-blender phenomenon for years, but this might have become THE quintessential example from here on out. There are so many clashing ideas at play that it's hard to even comprehend the idiocy at hand.

First, we get some miners trapped from a cave-in that are, seemingly, killed by ghosts. In modern day, we get the main chick meeting up with some old friends as they prepare to go to a party/rave in what's left of this mine. There is some creepy guy who is a wannabe Crazy Ralph of sorts. There is a pointless subplot about the daughter of the mine's owner trying to seduce one of the mine workers. The main chick is seeing the ghost of a little girl which will make no sense by the end. Crazy Ralph tries to crash the party and bleeds black blood for whatever reason. Next we are treated to a cheating subplot within the group of friends which also amounts to nothing. Eventually Crazy Ralph decides to start a fight, they kill him, and decide they will dump his body in the mine and swear to never discuss this event...except instead of waiting until next summer we wait all of 2 minutes for the killings to begin. Next thing you know there is a guy roaming the mine wearing a miner outfit. BUT the characters are seeing ghosts, and is Crazy Ralph actually dead?! Find out in the next exciting paragraph!

Slowly all of the characters die through zany antics...except not really since the main chick is actually the killer. Wait, WHAT?! Get ready for this bullshit. One of the trapped miners was the main chick's dad and she wants revenge on the owner of the mine's son. Why him? And the friends are just there for filler? Except she only killed two of them and the others died to hallucination-related accidents from a lack of oxygen in the mine. So what about Crazy Ralph? I don't know. What about the miner outfit guy? He's the worker that was being seduced (yeah, no shit), and he's also the main chick's old best friend she doesn't remember. What about the ghost girl? Another hallucination...except the main chick saw her before they were in the mine. What about the ghosts at the beginning? Uhhhhh...more hallucinations? What about all the other bullshit like cheating and the owner's daughter? Pointless. What about the black blood? Nope. Well, what's the damn point?! Main chick just wants revenge against people unrelated to the event that killed her dad. And, even though she has no memories of the past, she somehow schemed this plot subconsciously? And everything came together perfectly even though she had no other means of luring the group into the mine if Crazy Ralph didn't come along. And then she time travels at the end and magically survives another cave-in or really did become a ghost herself?! For the love of fuck, what is this movie?!

To put it succinctly: I hate this movie. This was torture from beginning to end. The story gives me a migraine trying to rationalize it. The minimum of effort was put into this production and the 3-D gimmick is hardly used. To call this film a colossal failure is a massive understatement; it's actually put me in a bad mood for the day. The filmmakers couldn't even deliver a so bad it's good experience--this is pure trash with no joy or entertainment value.

Notable Moment: I'd love to say the pool scene, but even okay-looking chicks in bikinis can't raise the rating on this abomination.

Final Rating: 3/10

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