Carved (2024) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Zany antics ensue when a mutant pumpkin gains sentience and goes on a killing spree.

Review: What the hell was this shit? This was like an edgy Disney channel movie in the worst of ways. You'd think a goofy plot about a killer pumpkin would leave itself open for fun hi-jinks, but, instead, "Carved" is painfully boring. The running time felt like an eternity, even though it's relatively short, and I was starting to doze off a few times. Probably the most egregious aspect is that the movie was trying so hard to be funny and failing epically.

There are a lot of scenarios you could imagine happening with a killer pumpkin--creative deaths or set pieces to work with. Oh no, no. Instead, let's have the characters spend half the movie hiding in one location after another as they discuss their cornball drama. Yes, thank you. Worse, everyone pretty much dies the same way with either their head ripped off or impaled by the pumpkin tentacles. I kept thinking the pumpkin would grow bigger or further mutate to up the ante. Nope. Maybe there will be an epic final fight where the monster is fully unleashed? Nah, it is simply, unceremoniously shoved into some kind of mulcher quite easily. Realistically this creature could have been killed at any point which further makes the story pointless and contrived.

Are there positives? Sure, I guess. While I found the humor and tone way off, I can appreciate the filmmakers trying to have fun with the material. The core concept, while not original, offers up something beyond a masked killer or ghost associated with Halloween horror. Um, some of the deaths were neat I suppose. The film was competently put together. Uh, I think that's all I got.

I'm trying to figure out who the audience would be for this kind of trash. The comedy style, mixed with with teen, cheesy main characters, creates this CW-esque lameness that doesn't blend well with the gore. There weren't even any good puns or a smashing pumpkins joke or anything! Come on, dude, killing me here. I'm sure there will be others out there that can appreciate the campy nature of this movie, but I just kept thinking this was absolutely fucking retarded.

Notable Moment: You'd think a movie about a killer pumpkin would have some crazy kills or scenes but nope. I suppose the best is when the reporter gets decapitated and his head put on a scarecrow.

Final Rating: 4/10