Check out my updated review here! https://thevagrantrises.blogspot.com/2018/10/updated-review-19-halloween-iii-season.html
Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: A tale of the hilariously idiotic plot to destroy the children of the world through cheap Halloween masks, magic, and androids. You better believe zany antics ensue.
Review: Okay, before I tear this film to shreds, let me say I do appreciate the concept behind this film. I understand they were hoping to create a sort of anthology series as every year there would be a new "Halloween" film with a different story related to the holiday. This would have been amazing had this idea been properly realized, but why, oh why, would you start off such an ambitious undertaking with this piece of shit as the starter?! I mean seriously read my plot summary and let that ridiculous plot sink in a bit. It is so asinine it is hard to grasp what any writer was thinking! This story, with a few tweaks, would have made for a better kid's movie with light horror elements. Actually just the Halloween masks and magic might have been an okay subject despite the stupidity of the villain's plan, but why did they feel the need to include robots/androids?! It makes no sense and how would some crappy novelty company have the means and know how to manufacture androids in their spare time? Screw that, why would they even bother?! They already have most of the people in the town that the factory exists in as loyal followers. Needless to say, the androids look beyond stupid, and I still think they are just robots. They seem to be nothing but wires and glowing lights (how fucking typical); what exactly holds them together? As for the villain's plot, I was never quite sure if this movie implied he honestly thought he was killing everyone in the world or just a few people in the USA? Most countries don't even celebrate Halloween! Then you have to factor in how many people would even buy these dumbass masks; they only sold three types: skeleton, witch, and pumpkin. UGH! It's so fucking stupid! We don't even get a good explanation about why he's doing this except for a ritual or whatever; what does he even gain or accomplish by any of this? You gotta love vague and ambiguously stupid plans to destroy the world. Plus, taking tiny pieces from Stonehenge and merging them with computer chips that you put in Halloween masks while using some spell hidden in a commercial jingle so that it will make the wearer's head burst unleashing bugs and shit is such a plausible and perfect scheme, right?! Don't forget enforcing your secret and ingenious plot with android bodyguards! I'm shocked no one has tried to do this in real life because surely it must work! Don't even get me started on the fucking commercial jingle you hear a hundred times throughout the movie. Damn you Silver Shamrock! This movie mostly plays out like a crappy mystery thriller with no scares and no real suspense. The only thing that keeps you interested is wondering where the hell they are going with this or if you're one of those people who kept thinking Michael Myers would show up at some point. Probably the cruelest moment is when the main guy is locked in a room and they turn on a TV playing "Halloween." Well, there went any hope for a Michael cameo. Why didn't they at least tie in Michael by making one of the SS masks a Michael Myers mask?! This may not be the worst movie in the world, but considering all that it had going for it yet it turned into this mess, it deserves to be called one of the dumbest movies in history! I only watch this film when I want a good laugh, because this is really more of a comedy than anything else. Thank god this series returned to form with part four.
Notable Moment: Any time we hear the annoyingly catchy, yet amusing, Silver Shamrock theme music.
Final Rating: 3.5/10
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