Translate

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan Review


Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: After being set free from his chains, Jason decides to attack a high school graduation party aboard a ship.

Review: This is by far, the best Jason movie--and by best I mean fucking sucks ass! It's so hard to chose which one is the worst between this and part 5, but, the way I see it, at least this entry had the real Jason so that's why it is slightly better. But don't let that tiny victory mask the fact that this movie is terrible and caused the franchise to die off for a few years. The saddest thing about this film was that it was intended to be much grander in scale with way more emphasis on the contrast between Jason in the woods versus Jason running amok in the cityscape. Unfortunately, this was part 8 in a franchise known for smaller budgets so Jason's time in the actual city became significantly reduced until it turned into a handful of scenes toward the end. I mean, just imagine the potential there could have been if the whole movie were genuinely about Jason in Manhattan killing idiots left and right. Well, anyway, since there is little mention of the events of part 7, we can assume the film takes place the following year putting this installment in 2004 at the earliest. Although, isn't it strange how the New York City of 2004 looks coincidentally like NYC of 1989?!

The thing about Jason's defeat in part 6 was that it was part magical, and the chains were meant to hold him because Crystal Lake was the place of his death; this is further emphasized in part 7 when we see Jason held captive for 8 or more years. But even though this film implies the binding still works, apparently reinvigorating Jason with electricity once more gives him the ability to finally just rip the chains off?! Oh whatever, we know this franchise hates continuity anyway. Conveniently, the couple who brought Jason back had a hockey mask onboard their boat that Jason could take. If this weren't bad enough, Jason seemingly drives the boat to some random dock, I guess, in the Crystal Lake area. For the love of fuck, how big is this lake?! The only person that even spots this oddity is some guy I'm gonna believe is Crazy Ralph's second crazy brother: Crazy Ronny. I mean, if you wanted so many characters to act like Crazy Ralph, why did you kill him off?! We are introduced to our timid leads who are a couple of sorts, Rennie and Sean, who have some family drama that is supposed to make them likable but, in actuality, makes them more annoying; Rennie has a controlling uncle and Sean has a demanding dad. For some reason they're having this graduation party on a cruise ship or whatever and Rennie is nervous because she's afraid of the water. As for the fodder, they're better than they were in the previous film, but some died too early when they had potential to be memorable. I especially liked Kelly Hu with her '80s sexiness and the Julius character should have put up a better fight. Surprisingly, there are a ton of background characters that are sort of written out of the script or, I guess, Jason spares them...WHAT?! Beyond the typical bullshit you expect from these films, there is this nonsensical subplot regarding Rennie having visions of Jason as a child. It turns out Rennie is afraid of the water, because the ghost of Jason as a boy nearly drowned her. Uh, Houston, we have a problem here. Jason hasn't been a boy since the '60s, at best, bitch! It doesn't matter anyway because when you were a kid, my dear Rennie, Jason was already running around killing people! More so, if you were attacked by Jason during his time of being bound by the chains, why the hell would he take the form of the boy-version? Ugh, it makes no fucking sense!

One of the biggest problems with this film is that it's called "Jason Takes Manhattan" and he's spending all his time on this fucking little boaty. Get your ass to Mars--I mean, Manhattan, and kill someone, fool! Plus, instead of censoring the kills, they decided to simply make the kills tame right from the start; Jason has been reduced to the likes of merely strangling and drowning characters to death! Ugh...no. Hell, one of the main characters is even accidentally killed by Rennie rather than Jason; this is just embarrassing at this point. After a decent number of lame kills, a few survivors manage to get to a lifeboat and row their way into NYC. Guess who somehow swam after them? Yeah, Jason fucking Vorhees--you know, that guy who died from drowning because he can't fucking swim! How many eye roll moments is this film trying to squeeze in?! Oh, you want the immediate scene to involve two thugs trying to drug and rape Rennie with Jason to the rescue? Grr...for the love of Rika, I'm going to burst a fucking blood vessel! So after a few scenes that are clearly a set and a few real scenes of Times Square, Rennie and Sean, as the last two survivors, find themselves roaming the sewers that are about to be flooded with toxic waste (I don't think that happens in real life). Rennie conveniently finds a container of toxic waste and throws it in Jason's face leaving him injured long enough for him to be hit with the full brunt of the toxic flood that burns Jason back into the ghost of his child-self.  Wait, what? So Jason has finally taken a defeat so devastating he has no body left to regenerate, and yet this means he turns back into a kid? I don't get it. And why is this fact never addressed by Rennie or Sean who simply leave Jason's childhood body in the sewer? Did any thought go into this film? And then the movie just ends with Rennie's little doggie, that survived somehow, finding his way back to her.

Good lord. Well, I'll admit this, the defeat for Jason was kind of final...so there's that. Jason looks okay for what it's worth despite not following the excellent design from part 7. At least they understood that rather than going to the trouble to make elaborate kills and have them mindlessly censored, they would tone things down on their end hoping to let a few deaths sneak by. Um, uh...they had a doggie and a Crazy Ralph wannabe. I honestly don't know what else to say positively about this piece of shit. There are so many stupid and inconsistent moments in this film that it borders on unbearable. I know I said I hate part 5 the most, but damn, the more I think about it the more I am given pause to reconsider. Virtually every choice in the decision to take the script was retarded and the script itself is laughably bad. They even had Jason talking indirectly although it is the childhood version, but come on! Ahhh, no wonder Paramount sold the rights after this!

Notable Moment: When Jason scares the wannabe gang members after he kicks over their stereo. Funny, but they could have had more kills in the actual city.

Final Rating: 4/10

No comments: