Yoga Class Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A woman, feeling her life is going in the wrong direction, decides to go to a mysterious yoga institute to rejuvenate herself.

Review: My lord this is an incoherent mess from start to finish! I still have no idea what I just wasted my time watching. The film is supposed to be scary (I think) and yet there was not a single scare to be seen; I would have even taken a few jump scares over what this film offered. The plot is that some bitchy chick is getting mad because her looks are fading, and she is being replaced on her "home shopping" show (if there's really a lingerie-selling show with models in Korea, sign me up!). She then runs into an old friend who looks really good and has become successful. The main girl wants to know the secret which is apparently going to some reclusive and mysterious yoga institute that belongs to a "legendary actress." Dropping everything in her life, the main girl finds the institute where she is told she will compete with five other bitches for the "prize" which will be unlocking their inner beauty (the only "prize" I know of is in Highlander!). The bitchy women are all told they must follow certain rules like not eating at night, no showering until an hour after yoga, no mirrors, etc. (are they mogwai?!). Of course the women break the rules and, I guess, suffer the consequences which are just hallucinations and large cuts; these hallucinations are supposed to be the source of scares, but they just come off as bizarre and nonsensical. I think one of the main reasons why I was getting so annoyed with this film is because all the girls are so bitchy, superficial, and shallow. You really want them to die and this film doesn't even satisfy that urge. The only likeable character is the main girl's boyfriend, who is conveniently doing a documentary on this legendary actress, and even he is just sort of written out of the movie at some point. At the end of the movie it is implied that this so-called legendary actress is just draining the energy of the women in order to sustain herself or something along those lines. Then we see a shot of the main girl escaping followed by some final scene of her at a subway where she sees each of the bitches looking better and then the film just ends! I guess we are to assume the actress controls their soulless bodies? That's the best I could make of the ending because it makes absolutely no sense! Like many shitty movies, this film is loaded with deadend plotlines that I believe were used for padding or the makers thought would be pathetic attempts at exposition. Why is this actress doing this shit? How does she know how to do this shit? How does doing yoga let you steal someone's energy, body, soul, or whatever the hell? What was the significance of the last movie she worked on, and why do we keep getting flashbacks to it? Why is the yoga instructor seemingly immortal too? Why is this actress still trying to get revenge over 30 years later? Wouldn't you do that like day one? Why are stupid moments supposed to be scary? How are jerky fast motion shots scary? Why did I read someone claiming this was one of the scariest movies they ever saw? Do they just have a deep fear of downward dog? Why did I waste my time?! Ahh!! Too many unanswered questions and too many stupid, senseless moments! Oh yeah, the lighting is so bad in this film I hardly could see what was going on half the time so that only exasperated how confusing and stupid everything felt! The only good things I can even say about this film are the acting was tolerable, the yoga institute did look creepy even if completely wasted, and some of the bitches are good looking. Do not waste your time with this one!

Notable Moment: Uh, maybe the beginning when we see the girls in the lingerie? There's seriously no scene that stands out.

Final Rating: 2.5/10