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Thursday, September 12, 2013
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday Review
Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: After Jason's body is blown up, his spirit jumps from body to body in order to be resurrected through the body of a relative.
Review: Did New Line learn nothing from the travesty that was "Freddy's Dead?" Final Friday my ass! Like we haven't heard that one before. And you can forget all about any form of continuity at this point because almost everything has been disregarded in favor of reinventing Jason from the ground up; however, for those keeping track, the film does imply to be following the timeline I've laid out making the timeframe roughly 2005 or so. It's like no one even watched the other movies and just winged it based on what they thought they knew about the franchise. Oh, you want to know how on earth Jason was resurrected after his absolute destruction in part 8? Well tough shit, because the writers couldn't think up a way so they simply declared him alive again! The dumbest part of this movie is the fact that this very premise is a contradiction of the previous events to begin with. The majority of this stupid film revolves around Jason trying to regain a body and yet we are shown in the opening scene that the film's plot is full of shit since here is Jason alive and well after part 8! If it's so complicated in order to come back, then how did he come back after part 8 you fucking idiots?! Besides, how did he come back originally? Or in part 3? Or in part 4? Or in part 6? I mean, seriously?! Oh forget it, this is what I get for watching part 9 in a franchise about a guy in a hockey mask killing horny teens.
One thing I really do like about this film though is that the main character, Steven, is played by John D. LeMay, who was the best character from "Friday the 13th: The Series." For those of you unfamiliar with that show, definitely check it out; you most certainly won't regret it. It has nothing to do with Jason or anything like that, but it's about cursed antiques that wreak havoc when in the hands of evil people and the few people that try to recover the cursed objects before they do too much harm. There was also the rumor that the final cursed object of the series would be Jason's hockey mask, but it was nothing more than just that--a rumor (although it would have been pure awesome!). Anyway, the film starts off kind of cool with the government or something setting Jason up to be killed at long last as they unload a barrage of bullets and blow him up. I have to say, Jason looks terrible! The design for the character is way off and makes no sense given the previous films, and why the fuck does he have hair again? It doesn't even matter because Jason is in the movie for maybe a total of 15-20 minutes at best. So this time when Jason dies, apparently it is revealed he's a demon of some sort, and the little demon looks moronic to say the least. I'm not even going to acknowledge this with an explanation, because, honestly, it's too stupid to tolerate. Through sheer shenanigans, Jason is able to possess the medical examiner and continues to kill anyone that gets in his way. To the film's credit, the kills are pretty good this time around and much more graphic compared to the last couple of entries. It is explained by a plot device character, Creighton Duke, that Jason needs a body to live in until he can resurrect fully. Yeah, just like how he was possessing people in part 2-8, right?! Speaking of Mr. Duke, how the hell does he know so much about Jason anyway? He knows shit that no one else in the whole franchise ever knew. You can't introduce a character like this during part 9! Why didn't they simply have this role filled by Tommy since he's the most obsessed with Jason, and he's an established character from 3 films? By the way, where has Tommy been anyway? I'll buy he didn't show up for part 7 because he thought Jason was still trapped, in part 8 he would have been worried because Jason's whereabouts were unknown, but by part 9 he should definitely be seeking Jason out again. Whatever.
Well, introducing long lost relatives worked so well for Freddy, might as well do it for Jason. Surely this won't create more continuity problems! We discover that Jason had a half-sister or something like that, named Diana, Diana's daughter, Jessica, and Jessica's daughter, Stephanie; Steven is the father of Stephanie. This little family drama is severely glossed over, but according to Mr. Duke, Jason can only resurrect fully by possessing a family member and can only be killed for good by a family member. Oh, you mean like when Tommy killed Jason for good in part 4 and electricity resurrected him in part 6?! Makes sense to me. It's also implied that Jason was first resurrected by a spellbook that looks suspiciously like the one from "Evil Dead 2" as shown at the Voorhees' home. But wait, if Jason had a home in the woods, why was he squatting in some cabin with the head of Mrs. Voorhess in part 2? Oh the consistency is killing me. Basically, Jason jumps from body to body as he slowly murders a large chunk of Crystal Lake's inhabitants trying to get close enough to a family member; although he does eventually kill Diana. The background characters are somewhat entertaining, even if underdeveloped, but at least there is that on the positive side. After a significant amount of mayhem, and Jason finally resurrects himself through possessing Diana's corpse, the only people alive are Steven, Jessica, and Stephanie. So after all that work to get a new body, Jessica stabs Jason with some magic dagger that Mr. Duke pulled out of his ass before he died. In a way, it doesn't even really kill Jason because all that happens is it opens up a portal of some kind as giant, stone hands pull Jason down to hell presumably. The film then ends with Jason's mask, lying in the dirt, being pulled underground by Freddy's clawed hand. Interesting finale, but it doesn't change the fact that this installment made for a pitiful ending to the franchise.
They simply changed up too many elements from the past while adding too many new, stupid plot points that are both inconsistent and contradictory to the continuity. Jason is hardly in this film technically, so that further emphasized how stupid of a conclusion this would have been. Adding in family members gave the vibe that the writers were scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas and essentially giving up. Jason looks stupid and feels so out of character when possessing people. Making Jason some kind of demon was not only idiotic, but did not fit what we know about the character at all. Overall, this film was a debacle from start to finish. With that said, there's just something entertaining about this movie that made it better than the likes of part 5 or 8. The kills are really good with perhaps the most gruesome death in the franchise when Jason rips the one girl in half. Some of the ideas were acceptable, and I might have even liked them if they weren't presented so thoughtlessly. In the end, this entry is merely so-so but loses extra points for trying to end the franchise on such a lackluster and miserable note.
Notable Moment: When Freddy's claw comes out from under the ground to pull Jason's mask down to hell. It was a nice surprise that had fans excited for a crossover for over a decade. Sadly, this was also the only thing anyone remembers about this movie.
Final Rating: 5/10
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