Saturday, July 19, 2014
Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings Review
Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: A group of idiots inadvertently summon Pumpkinhead who seeks revenge for a murder 35 years prior.
Review: While I didn't care for the first film, it at least had it's good moments and Pumpkinhead looked cool. Unfortunately for this film, it lacks those positive aspects. As a trade-off of sorts, this film stars my '90s darling, Ami Dolenz, which is pretty much the main reason I'm even bothering with this franchise. I wish I could say she salvages the movie, but, alas, her beauty is nothing more than a diamond resting upon a pile of shit. It's also important to note that "Pumpkinhead" had a small theatrical release and therefore had an actual budget backing it. Part two was made specifically for the rental store era and there is a stark contrast between a rental from the '80s and one from the '90s. It's hard to explain, but if you've experienced both types you should detect these weird nuances of quality.
Having pretty much nothing to do with the first film, the story opens with a deformed boy getting murdered by a group of guys calling themselves the Blood Wings. It was kind of amusing that there was a "run Forrest, run" equivalent moment since "Forrest Gump" had come out only a few months earlier. 35 years later, a man returns to this particular town to become the sheriff along with his troublesome daughter, Jenny (Ms. Dolenz). Hmm, a "Forrest Gump" reference and a character named Jenny? It doesn't take long before Jenny comes across the self-proclaimed badasses of the town. That's pretty damn funny--I think I could beat the shit out of these four misfits no problem. One of them looks like fucking Waldo at one point and another is Punky Brewster herself all grown up. Yeah, total badasses...psh. After cutting school (oh no, such rebels!), this rabble of retards decide they will go joyriding later that night in which they accidentally run over the local witch; keep in mind, this isn't the same witch from the first film. Reluctantly checking to see if the witch survived, they come across the workings of a spell to resurrect the dead. The leader of these losers, Danny-boy, really wants to complete this spell for no discernible reason to the point that he beats the witch up in order to steal some vile of blood. This part is painfully contrived, as you may have guessed, as they honestly take the time to dig up a grave for the ritual. Even if you were drunk, who would go to this much trouble? Anything for the lulz, right? In typical dumbass fashion, the witch ends up burning down her own house distracting the losers long enough to not notice the spell's success as Pumpkinhead arises.
Eh, the way Pumpkinhead works in this film is a bit different than the first so I'll try to explain it the best I can. He still does the whole walking typhoon shit which you'd think would block his ability to sneak up on you, right? Wrong. Now he also has predator-vision for whatever reason and loves doing this lunge at the camera as if to say "what?!" In fact, they do a lot of stupid camera angles when dealing with him. The creature looks much shittier with a few horrendous moments that demonstrate this especially toward the end. Anyway, the wannabe badasses try and pretend nothing happened as Pumpkinhead picks off a douche we met earlier. It would seem he's hunting down the Blood Wings since the host for Pumpkinhead is that deformed boy along with that vile of blood belonging to him. In the first movie everything happened in one day, but in this film Pumpkinhead appears to be taking breaks between kills for dramatic purposes. I mean, come on, we couldn't have a scene of him ridiculously running around in the daytime! It's also strange that a bunch of pretty boys somehow grew up to look just like those mountain people from the first film. I don't know about you, but I don't exactly care for rejects from the 1800s.
Moving along, Pumpkinhead kills another rejected hillbilly who was oddly fucking Linnea Quigley who is completely wasted. To my greatest annoyance, the film keeps forcing the notion that Jenny likes Danny-boy despite the fact that he's been an absolute asshole for every second he's on screen. We learn that the sheriff met the deformed kid when he was a boy and he actually saved the kid's life. They want to emphasize the deformed boy was just a regular kid, but, seriously, a theme of acceptance in a movie like this? Uhh nice try. Then Pumpkinhead kills a few more mountain folk including one played pointlessly by Kane Hodder. Since everyone in this movie is a complete imbecile, the sheriff and his flunky need the witch to hand-hold the entire plot. The witch explains that the deformed boy was magically the son of Pumpkinhead, the Blood Wings killed him, and he's knocking them all off before he goes after the wannabe badasses. Okay, how the fuck does Pumpkinhead have a kid? That is beyond idiotic. Conveniently, the last Blood Wing is Danny-boy's father and of course Pumpkinhead goes after him at the exact same time Danny-boy is having a party. Thankfully, Pumpkinhead kills everyone until only my dear Ms. Dolenz is left standing when the sheriff reminds Pumpkinhead that he saved the deformed kid. Pumpkinhead of course spares Jenny just as more hillbillies show up to shoot Pumpkinhead to death. Psh...taking notes from the "Halloween 4" book of defeats I see. I have to emphasize how terrible this scene looks with nothing more than squibs going off on an obvious ragdoll Pumpkinhead. Plus, I thought the only way to get rid of Pumpkinhead was to kill the summoner? The film implies that it still counted the witch as that role and she died earlier...so...uhh okay. The film ends with them going through the rubble and there's no Pumpkinhead, but they do find a toy that belonged to the sheriff. Aww, such a tender ending. Good lord...well, at least I'm laughing a lot thinking about this movie.
I should probably clarify that the first film simply felt bland and as a means to show off special effects. This sequel, on the other hand, is nothing more than trash. Everything is plain stupid without having a cool Pumpkinhead to serve as a buffer. Definitely slouching on the special effects was a major detriment when it should have been a highlight. Making matters worse was the bad acting, bizarre cinematography, lack of continuity, and general sense of low-budget problems and limitations. Yes, my dear Ms. Dolenz helps ease the pain, but I'm always surprised how often she shifts into the background for whatever reason. The movie is most certainly not told from her perspective and would have benefited from her taking a larger role I think. Oh well. Hop on those blood wings and let's fly onward to part three.
Notable Moment: When that son of a bitch, Danny-boy, finally dies. I was really starting to get worried he'd survive the movie, and I certainly couldn't tolerate that.
Final Rating: 4.5/10
My little pumpkin, Ms. Dolenz:
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