Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: After the unusual death of a woman, a reporter finds herself on the longest LSD trip ever.
Review: What the hell did I just watch? (Rubs eyes...checks DVD description...watches opening credits again for confirmation) Whaaaaat? One does not simply make a movie like this without the influence of a mind-altering substance. Let's see, what does imdb have to say--right, 5 writers, makes perfect sense now. Seriously, this is one of the most bizarre movies I've ever had the misfortune to watch. My theory is that the moment the ball dropped on New Years Day 1990, all ideas for horror movies instantly turned to shit. This is supposed to be a generic slasher franchise about killer Santas. So why the fuck am I watching a montage of scenes about witches, giant beetles, Clint Howard playing Clint Howard, new age bullshit, living pasta hands, Clint Howard sex with old lady fluffers, men vs women debates (men win, nice try), child abductions, giant larvae, Clint Howard eating a burger, human combustion, '90s fashion, '90s hair, spirals, and Clint fucking Howard?!
The story is an incoherent series of events that are loosely strung together with a bullshit plot line about witches. There's like some chick who jumps from a building roof and half her body burns away. The main girl, Kim, wants to move up as a journalist so she takes it upon herself to look into the case. All of a sudden she comes into contact with witches and Clint Howard. From here on out, Kim, and the audience, embark on a massive LSD trip. It would seem, through shenanigans, the witches want Kim to join them; there is something about the leader wanting Kim to be her daughter or whatever. The witches are really annoying and talk a ton of shit about men but in ironic ways. I especially liked the leader of the witches claiming men have a parasitic tendency. That's a really good one--I didn't realize this film was striving for comedy. I think all the gold diggers of the world would like a word with you. Man, I could go on such a tangent on the pitiful state of modern women, but a piece of shit like SN,DN 4 is hardly the place for that. You're still the best, though, my dear Rika!
After being attacked by giant bugs and other random shit, Kim semi-embraces what's happening but not really. It's tough to say considering she's only lucid every other scene. Kim's boyfriend is killed at one point as Kim is forced into her literal metamorphosis to become a witch or whatever the fuck I'm supposed to assume is happening. Apparently that first girl that died failed to complete her ritual, and the witches tell Kim she must kill her dead boyfriend's brother as a sacrifice. Kim and Clint Howard capture the boy in the dumbest of ways. When Kim goes to complete the sacrifice, she ends up killing the leader of the witches instead along with Clint Howard. And that's essentially all that happens. Obviously I glossed over the majority of the zany antics, but, like I said, you've got to be high out of your mind to appreciate it.
Although this film was better than part three, which isn't saying much, it is hard to comprehend what is happening at any given moment. I think it's clear as day this was written before the SN,DN title was slapped on. The Christmas aspect to the plot is virtually nonexistent, and it's understandable why people say this feels like "Halloween III." Also, everything about the previous films has been disregarded, and the notable moment will explain why that is. This franchise is really starting to test my patience...not going to lie.
Notable Moment: When a crazed Kim is trying to seduce and bang her boyfriend. Then Clint Howard comes in and turns on the TV which is playing SN,DN part 3. Whaaaat the fuck...
Final Rating: 4/10
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