Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Zany antics ensue as someone really wants a random little boy to die for no particular reason.
Review: I know this will probably be hard to believe, but this is probably the second best film in the series (not counting the remake). This isn't to say this is a good movie by any stretch of the definition, but it is entertaining that's for sure. One thing that helped to put the story back on track was making Christmas more integral to the plot. The other positive thing was the abundance of shenanigans in practically every scene; I found myself laughing a lot and spit out my cereal at one point. Oddly enough, a couple of the characters from part 4 are still here, like Kim and Clint Howard, but I suppose that was meant to be humorous. However, I have to point out that this is probably the least focused horror franchise out there. None of these movies have any sense of direction or continuity.
Learning from the mistakes of the last three piece of shit movies, this film opens somewhat intriguing as someone has left a present for the main kid, Derek. Inside is a killer toy that ends up killing Derek's dad in the most roundabout way imaginable. Getting over the death beyond fast, the mom tries to cheer up the traumatized Derek by taking him to the local toy store, Petto's. Pshhh, whaaat?! Pedo's? You have got to be shitting me. Yeah, I get what they were going for with Mr. Petto having a kid named Pino, but come the fuck on, dude! Those names just don't work. After living up to the title, and pretty much molesting Derek, Mr. Petto ends up freaking out after Derek and his mom leave while some guy looks on. This random guy, as you might easily guess, is Derek's biological father and is stalking them rather than making his presence known immediately. The father ends up buying a few toys from Pedo including another killer toy that kills the owner of the hotel that the father is staying at.
When the mom and Derek go to the mall or wherever, Pino sneaks into their house and acts like a complete weirdo. Once more, it shouldn't be hard to guess Pino is a robot considering he hasn't aged in decades and given the title of the damned movie. It's almost as if they realized the one plot element missing from SN,DN 4, to make it a complete copy of "Halloween III," were the asinine robots. Anyway, someone has given Derek another killer toy, but he rightfully throws it away. Conveniently enough, that dumb kid from part 4 sees Derek throw the present away and takes it for himself. Inside are roller blades that hilariously make this kid roll his candy ass in front of a speeding car; unfortunately, the brat lives.
One night, Derek is with his babysitter when she decides she will fuck her boyfriend on Derek's bed. Yeah, 'cause that would happen. Pedo, dressed as Santa, shows up with a bunch of killer toys and sends them to attack the babysitter and her boyfriend. This part is surprisingly awesome as the two idiots keep thinking the other is doing some kind of kinky foreplay yet it's the killer toys. Speaking of which, I highly doubt horny dorks like these two would be going at foreplay for like 20+ minutes. Derek is captured in Santa's sack (that doesn't sound right) as the babysitter's boyfriend finally dies; miraculously, the babysitter herself lives despite being shot in the chest with what appeared to be a fatal blow. If this weren't ridiculous enough, while all this was happening, the father and the mom were also fucking in their car as they have finally reunited. My god...
When finally coming home, the parents realize Pedo captured Derek and they go to the toy store to get the kid. After going about things in the dumbest way feasibly possible, the mom realizes that Pedo is dead and Pino has been dressing up like him as he's a robot. It would seem Pino had been the one delivering the killer toys since he wants Derek to die because...uhhh...he wants to replace him? Hell if I know. Pino does claim he wants the mom to be his mother, but, for some, reason this translates into a lot of humping on Pino's part. Oh dear. The mom starts to kick Pino's ass, and even Derek starts to kick Pino's ass at one point. However, when the father fights, Pino magically becomes the fucking terminator all of a sudden. Consistency. The mom stabs Pino with a screwdriver, cuts him in half, and stomps his head which appears to kill him permanently. Now the mom is stuck with explaining who the fuck the father really is to Derek. What a skank...and what were you saying about men being parasites, part 4? But just when you think it's all over, they have prepared for part 6 (that will never come) with Pino apparently having backup bodies.
It's hard to imagine the transition process in this franchise from film to film. How the hell do you go from a traumatized guy going on a Christmas killing spree to witches and robots? Oh well. This was an amusing little film even if it felt significantly cheaper than the others. I could tell they were having fun with the material and so was I. The idiocy may be hard to take for some, but, honestly, if you're watching part 5 in a series called "Silent Night, Deadly Night," what could you realistically be hoping for? I do like the remake, but if you were stuck watching only entries from the main series, I would stick with the original and this one only. Part 2 has it's moments, but it's a rehash. Part 3 and 4 are simply too stupid to tolerate.
Notable Moment: There are a lot of priceless moments, but the best for me was when that dumb kid from part 4 gets run over by a car. Too bad they made him survive. What a tease.
Final Rating: 5/10
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