Legend (1985) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: The world will be plunged into permanent darkness if a forest boy and his friends don't recover a unicorn's horn.

Review: Before I get into this, I want to address the many edits there are to this film. Setting aside the minor, alternate cuts, the main two edits worth discussing are, what's referred to as, the "Tangerine Dream" version and the director's cut. Personally, I prefer the theatrical or "Tangerine Dream" version even if it is missing key scenes that provide better context to the overall story. Most seem to prefer the director's cut as it looks and feels more like a modern fairytale should. Ehh...I love Jerry Goldsmith, but the '80s music surprisingly created a whimsical tone better than his score. Besides, no edit of this film makes any goddamn sense! This is another mixed bag for me despite my deep fondness for this film since I was a kid. Sure, it's fun and is one of the most visually stunning movies the '80s has to offer, but the scale and scope are all wrong while the story is a mess of incoherency.

Going over the positives, one must acknowledge the sheer awesomeness that was Tim Curry as Darkness. Mr. Curry breathes so much life into the character and completely steals the show. On top of that, his makeup effects are iconic and a thing of beauty to behold. I remember the first time I saw him when I was young and thinking that's not someone you want to fuck with! Another memorable aspect was the transformation of the princess, Lili, played by '80s babe Mia Sara, to the dark side. Not going to lie, I found Lili way more attractive in her evil getup. The other best aspect, as I alluded to, is the simply amazing visuals and cinematography. Every scene has such an attention to detail--it blows my mind. This is how I envision a magical world fully realized without bullshit CGI. I respect that they wanted to tell a different and original story; they certainly succeeded in creating the look of that world at least. Finally, I really enjoy that music from the "Tangerine Dream" edit! I'll admit, it's hopelessly intertwined with my image of this film--I can't bear to watch the director's cut without it; yes, I have a bias.

Sexy. But that unibrow...deal-breaker. Even the dark side must have standards.

As for where the film falters...you have got to be high out of your mind on 'shrooms to claim this made a lick of sense. Characters have little to no explanation for who they are, what they're capable of, or how they know anything. Everything is too matter of fact when this is supposed to be a brand new fairytale. Old stories didn't need as much context since they played on existing myths and legends known to the audience. And, come on, magic unicorns have all the power in the universe yet are weak as fuck?! Killing these guys literally puts the universe at jeopardy? Really? Hell, one kingdom, fine...even the planet, sure. But the entire UNIVERSE?! And if the stakes are this high, you need to have the scale and scope to match such an epic struggle. I mean, the movie is called "Legend" for fuck's sake. What do we get though--a couple elves, pixies, and a forest boy versus an ill-defined devil-guy and his handful of minions. Uhhhh...no. Plus, I've always loved how Darkness' two main flunkies (Blix and pig-boy) completely disappear from the script at one point; they do all the legwork and get no appreciation (womp womp). By the way, Darkness gets defeated way too easy. And where the hell did an opening into space come from--aren't they in a tree?! Believe me, I can sit back and just take it in, but one nonsensical plot point after another is hard to overlook. And, don't tell me it's just me, did anyone else notice Darkness gets a straight up bj from Blix at the beginning?! Pshhh, flunkies earning their keep.

As Darkness said, "What is light without dark?" Well, for everything good in this film, there is a corresponding badness. I can appreciate what they were going for, and the ambitiousness to bring that world to life is commendable. The characters are interesting and memorable even if we know hardly anything about them. I think they wasted Tom Cruise quite a bit here as he doesn't do much besides scream "Lili" a lot. There was endless potential to explore, but we really only scratched the surface by the time the credits roll. Speaking of which, the ending to the director's cut is lackluster, but the "Tangerine Dream" ending wraps things up in a more storybook-esque way. I do think this is a good movie, but it has never surprised me that it wasn't successful. This is an instance where I would like to see a remake that fully creates the vision the director, Ridley Scott, had. If you have never seen this movie, I'd stick with the director's cut, but if you love the '80s, you gotta go with that "Tangerine Dream" version all the way, baby!

Notable Moment: Essentially, any scene with Darkness in it. Tough to say which is the better performance from Tim Curry: this or Pennywise.

Final Rating: 6/10