Secret Window Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A writer is stalked by a man who claims the writer stole his story as shenanigans ensue.

Review: I know...another Stephen King movie. This is kind of a guilty pleasure for me. I can't deny that the direction is terrible and the ending is utterly moronic, but I can still enjoy it from a certain perspective. The problem is that the trailer sets you up for disappointment by making the film out to be a supernatural thriller. In actuality, I'd classify this as a mild excursion into suspense and an exercise in incompetence. If anything, the only reason this film managed to have any success was because it was right after Johnny Depp's performance in the first "Pirates" entry. You may be wondering: why do I like this movie then? There is something about the cozy cabin in the woods and the sleepy nature to the main character, Mort, that I find engaging. The dude spends half the movie napping on a couch, and it looks comfy as hell! It's hypnotic in a way. Though, the product placements were killing the immersion--what is it with fucking Doritos and Mountain Dew anyway?!

The film basically follows the plot of the original story it's based upon, but, ironically, the ending is where the real failure comes into play. I will explain why this is ironic, but, fair warning, this is going to make little sense. So...in the original story (the written one), Mort thinks a guy named Shooter is after him for stealing his story (a story about a story). As Mort once plagiarized a story in the past, this makes him appear guilty and with something to prove. At the same time, Mort is dealing with his cheating, bitch wife. In the worst of twists, we come to learn Shooter is Mort's split personality (commence eye-rolling). In the original story, Mort ends up getting killed, but it's stated that Shooter had actually manifested into reality. In the movie, Shooter is definitely not real, but Mort, instead, kills his wife and her dumb boyfriend. He then, I suppose, merges with Shooter's personality as everyone in town knows he managed to get away with murder due to a lack of evidence. Now, the irony comes into play since they keep bringing up how great the ending is and that it needed to be changed. Well, the movie did change the ending, and it was still stupid. In other words, Shooter wants Mort to change his ending since it was "perfect" before. It was actually stupid. The movie then changes the ending from the written story while still addressing that Shooter wants his ending changed in the movie's version. They also stress that the ending is better this way when it's not. Ehhh...am I even making sense? Probably not. And, come on, shooter...shoot her...uhhh...cornball as fuck. I am glad the movie did go with Mort killing his wife though--she definitely deserved it.

Is this movie worth your time? Not really. Unless you like Stephen King or Johnny Depp or whoever, you will probably find this movie to be a big pile of meh. The ending is especially painful as it makes little sense. I guess Mort developed a split personality due to his guilt and feelings of betrayal over the cheating? Hell if I know. At least in the original story, Shooter was a character that came to life. However, if you are a weirdo, like me, and you somehow enjoy watching a movie with a character sleeping all the time...there's that!

Notable Moment: When Mort decides to start barking like a dog for no apparent reason. Why do I get the distinct feeling that that idiocy was ad-libbed?

Final Rating: 5/10