Tales from the Dark 1 Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Consisting of three stories, this is the first half of an ambitious, 2-film anthology series from Hong Kong.

Review: I don't know the fine details regarding this duo of films, but they were released within a month of one another. Again, I don't know how successful this would be considering the gamble at play. If the first film failed, your second entry was practically guaranteed to fail as well, and that's before factoring in the diminishing return. Nevertheless, I actually enjoyed this film for what it was as it implemented my love for Asian horror and anthologies quite well. The three tales are each meaty in length, justifying the need for two separate films, and pushing the running time close to two hours just for this half. Unfortunately, there are considerable flaws throughout, and the first tale is an incoherent mess from start to finish which ruins an entire third of the total film. Thankfully, there are a plethora of beautiful women to, somewhat, offset these flaws.

Stolen Goods: Might as well get the worst one out of the way first, right? In a lot of ways, having your worst tale first will help make the film feel better as it progresses, however, in this ADHD era, you risk losing a good portion of your audience right out the gate. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell was supposed to be going on here. A guy struggles to find honest work as he, I guess, discusses his problems with two dead girls? Maybe they're his daughters or something? Dude, I don't fucking know. We are shown interspersed shots of random imagery that contributes jackshit to the plot while the guy decides he will steal burial urns from rich people and ransom them back. After fending off random ghosts, including one pissing themselves, with a blessed hammer (yeah, I wrote that), the guy meets with a businessman who wants one of the urns back. The guy gets paid by the businessman who turns out to be a ghost himself who tricked the guy into giving the businessman back his urn; the guy also realizes the businessman actually gave him ghost money too. I'm not simply being facetious with the ghost money line...that's the stuff people will burn as offerings in case you didn't know. We then get a flashback to the businessman dying, his little story with his wife and a cell phone, and how the main guy saw the businessman die. Then the episode ends with more nonsense, the main guy dies by lighting himself on fire, and we see more ghosts with those little girls. Plus, we see one of the main guy's employers? Whaaaat? For the love of fuck. Realistically, this segment didn't need to be shit, but they were deadset on turning it into just that. If you understood things differently, do let me know.

A Word in the Palm: This segment is probably the best of the three as it incorporates a more traditional ghost story with a certain charm and humor. The icing on the cake, however, is you have four, very cute girls to spice everything up. Hooray! The segment focuses on a kind of spiritualist and palm reader who is planning to close up his business to appease his bitchy wife and spend more time with his son; the wife is, seriously, a Chinese Famke Janssen. Not liking this decision is the main guy's geeky friend, another shopkeeper who sells crystals, who wishes she had the spiritual abilities of the main guy; I think it goes without saying, she's super cute in that huge geek way that I love. Later on, a couple comes in for spiritual advice, and they happen to be people the main guy saw earlier with a ghost attached to them. Once more, the wife of this couple is very good looking! Oh man, I'm having too much fun. Suspecting there is something about a drowning in the ocean, the couple claims to have no idea except that the husband teaches a swim team. Shortly after passing the couple on to his geeky friend, the main guy just wants to get out of there so he can hang out with his son and bitch wife; there are zany antics with a music CD as well, but I'll get to that later. The main guy finds a schoolgirl waiting for him at his shop who is the ghost herself. Come on...you know what I'm going to say--she's extremely cute! Though...the schoolgirl does have a twig body that makes her look young. Oh well.

Chinese Famke Janssen played by Eileen Tung. Eh, you gotta see her full on to appreciate it!

The geeky shopkeeper played by Kelly Chen.

 

The wife from the couple played by Jeannie Chan.

 The ghost played by Cherry Ngan. Cherry?! Must...avoid...raunchy innuendos.

Moving along with the story...the main guy agrees to one last adventure with his geeky friend's help. The two realized that the ghost killed herself while pregnant as she was having an affair with the husband of that couple. Due to the goofball nature of this story, the main guy just wants that CD back actually. Since the wife from that couple is also pregnant, the ghost wants to hurt her as revenge. The main guy and his geeky friend confront the ghost, try to exorcise her, but they stop once they make the ghost realize the truth. She was holding on to the belief that her loverboy truly cared for her but didn't really. After this, she goes to the afterlife or whatever as the couple is left to pick up the pieces. In the end, the main guy meets up with his son and bitch wife as he learns the son also has his power. All things considered, this is a fun little story. They balance the lighthearted nature of the story with genuinely cool ideas that make it feel original.

Jing Zhe: To close us out, we get another good story. I didn't think it was quite as good as the second segment, due to a few plot tangents and shoddy effects, but it was still interesting. I'm not going to lie, I do not have nearly enough cultural knowledge to fully appreciate this segment, but I get the gist of it. For example, the title refers to a certain time of the year, but I'm not 100% sure how it correlates to the tale. Well, unless that date coincides with the plot line regarding "villain hitting." I guess the best way to describe villain hitting is that it's like an evil curse, black magic, a hex, etc.; you pay someone to curse bad fortune or death upon an individual. Maybe Jing Zhe is the time of year when the magic is supposed to be most potent?

So the story focuses on an old lady who is a practitioner of this villain hitting spell as she does her usual shtick. They have a subplot about a crazy bitch who is hexing her pregnant daughter in law, but I don't get her purpose unless she is to help the audience understand villain hitting? Or was the daughter in law the ghost in this segment? I didn't get a good look at the picture. Anyway, when the old lady is done for the night a ghost pops up looking for revenge. I have to say, this ghost girl is the hottest chick yet! And I don't know if they were altering her voice to be creepy, but it was sexy as hell. Oh lordy, these chickadees. So we come to learn that the ghost's death intertwines with the old lady who let her die as her son masterminded the murder. As the ghost engages in the ritual, we see each of the assailants meet gruesome ends; the effects are not good on most deaths though. In the end, the ghost spares the old lady once she realizes it would hurt the old lady more to live with her guilt. Damn, this ghost doesn't mess around--makes me even more attracted! Overall, this was a great way to end this anthology, and I can definitely see other viewers liking this one the best. I just didn't like that pointless extra lady (unless I missed something) and the shit effects.

The ghost played by Dada Chan. Umm, feel free to haunt me whenever, darling!

I really want to rate this film higher, but the stupidity of the first story, coupled with the lack of focus in the other two tales, forces me to rate it lower. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed this film and liked it a lot. The ominous music enhances the atmosphere, the acting is decent, and the look of the film invokes a certain grime I think they were trying to portray on the cityscape. However, I can't ignore the problems especially when not everyone is going to give bonus points for the babes. Hopefully the second film will be as good or better to sweeten the experience into a cool double feature. Still, it's worth a view without a doubt.

Notable Moment: In "Stolen Goods" when that crazy guy starts singing "Gangnam Style." That song is a blight on humanity. I love you Korea, but, please, take that shit back I beg of you!

Final Rating: 5.5/10