Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Could quite possibly be the worst remake known to cinema.
Review: I considered turning this off, permanently, by the 5 minute mark. If I hadn't already reviewed the original there is no chance on god's green earth that I would have kept watching this abomination. This ranks extremely high among the worst movies I've ever watched, and you know that is always saying something coming from this blog. This is a fucking disgrace to the film industry! All the actors should be ashamed of themselves for phoning in these laughable performances. Not joking--I could have played all the roles myself, swapping clothes and voices, and delivered more passion and energy. I have never seen such lifeless acting even from things like "Howling VII" or "Asian School Girls." Those "actors" were simply idiots--these actors are known yet were reading cue cards in the way a kindergartner sounds when trying to learn to read. Oh, I'm sorry, that's an insult to 5 year olds. The ONLY redeeming qualities were a, surprisingly, decent camera and music that was at least a notch above stock. That is it.
The original "Apartment 1303" was just a stupid movie, but this remake takes things to a whole 'nother level of bad. My viewing went something like this: watch a couple, unbearable moments of footage, pause, watch a J-pop video or two or ten, then torture myself a little more. I could not take a dose of this shit-show for more than 10 minutes at a time. Having the sister voice her inner dialogue is one of the single most embarrassing things I've ever beheld. The crack whore-chic look of each actress wasn't doing them any favors either. I also really loved that inept continuity error in the beginning with the picture that is kissed. Hilarious. The editing is horrendous with all manner of shenanigans going on. My favorite was that asshole trying to sleep and the ghost making noises...the cuts and reactions were pure gold. The story is a mess--big shock--and they actually change the original premise to throw in drama with a boyfriend who is an undercover cop with a nagging ex-wife and cliche kid he's letting down. If this weren't so comically retarded I'd be flipping a table in anger. Another, sorta, fuck you to the original was the pointless inclusion of a little Japanese store within the apartment building. Just a reminder of what you're missing out on I guess. I had about lost my mind when we found out this perverted super or whatever was also a ghost. That's a good one. My goodness...fuck this movie!
From start to finish, this is a migraine-inducing disaster; this was truly painful to endure. What were the producers hoping to accomplish here? The original could have easily been improved upon yet they found a way to make that below average experience appear to be a masterpiece in comparison. The biggest pieces of shit I've reviewed usually have something entertaining to them, but this was a chore to finish. My policy is to no longer leave a series unfinished once I begin, but this was the first time I strongly considered rethinking that. Heed my warning...do NOT, under any circumstances, waste a second of your life on this garbage.
Notable Moment: When those two idiots are doing simu-sex with their clothes on. Yeaaaah, that's not how things work, but, sure, dry hump away.
Final Rating: 2/10
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