Apartment 1303 (Japanese Original) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: The misadventures surrounding a haunted apartment that ONLY kills young girls trying to move out on their own.

Review: Yes, loudly and proudly, brag about the parallels between this and "Ju-on," because this is, more or less, a Grudge-wannabe. And how in the hell do you provide so little story content yet still over-complicate the plot with needless tangents? Arrrgh...what a mess. There are a few redeeming qualities here and there, but, for the most part, this is a cookie cutter, Asian horror film from start to finish. I'm serious...if I told you to start guessing some stupid shit you think will happen, you'd probably come up with 75% of the story or more. And, even with all the cliches, I still could have forgiven the shenanigans if the ending weren't painfully moronic. You can't just roll credits whenever you feel like it!

One highlight--sorta--was the casting of the two leads. For the main girl we have the chickadee from the infamous "Rattle Rattle" segment in "Kowai Onna," Noriko Nakagoshi. The ghost, or villain if you will, was our lead in "Uzumaki," Eriko Hatsune. Besides the inclusion of these ladies, and a few other by the numbers moments, there isn't much else to write home about. As my plot summary suggests, the scenario that this ghost functions on is oddly specific. Whereas someone like Kayako simply kills anyone who enters the Saeki house, this ghost only kills a girl that fits that specific description. How the ghost knows this--that's up to you to imagine. You'd think they would rent the apartment out to men, couples, old people, etc. but, nope, gotta keep that plot rollin' somehow. Beyond this lame setup, the ghost is just your typical, long-haired Asian girl--nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes the ghost physically throws you over the balcony or you are possessed (in a way) to do it yourself. It's nice and inconsistent just the way I love it! For whatever reason, the filmmakers wanted a sympathetic villain that turns out to be super evil anyway; funny how things always seem to work out that way. So, yeah, big shock, you think the ghost is pacified only to reveal her true intentions...except she genuinely appeared innocent in life before becoming a ghost...huh...sure! One aspect that I did like was when a good ghost appeared, but she did jackshit and might as well been evil too for all I know. Finally, the icing on the cake was the neighbors of the haunted apartment. They're ghosts too?! Whaaaat? Whatever, dude. Fuck this shit.

Needless to say, this wasn't a very good example of what J-horror is capable of. The scares are nonexistent, the pacing is as slow as molasses, and the ending makes no sense whatsoever. While I can overlook a substantial amount of the cliches--appreciating them even--it would be a huge stretch of the imagination to call this film good. I do want to lump this closer to the mediocre side of things, but, due to the ludicrous rules of the ghost, I had to take the score down a notch. This is an easy pass.

Notable Moment: When the ghost was trying to do tentacle-hair rape or something. What exactly was going on there for a hot second?!

Final Rating: 4.5/10