Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: A dead soldier is magically resurrected after sensing his hometown's severe lack of patriotism.
Review: In honor of Independence Day...I will not be reviewing "Independence Day." Instead, let's take a look at "Uncle Sam!" Man, I remember this movie used to come on HBO or skinemax or one of those pay channels all the time. It got to a point where even my mom watched it and, strangely, ended up liking it. I was like, "Really?" But I can see the lame charm. Don't get me wrong, this movie is absolutely terrible, but it has its moments. Besides, it does have two extremely important aspects: yummy food and a ton of G.I. Joe toys scattered about!
As to what is happening...I don't know, dude. A crazed soldier, aptly named Sam, is killed by friendly fire. When he is shipped back home, he magically comes back from the dead to wreak havoc. Since the main character is supposed to be this little, bratty kid, this makes Sam his--you guessed it--Uncle Sam! Oh shit, so clever! Another reason why my friends and I kept watching "Uncle Sam" was because this brat, oddly named Jody for whatever reason, looked exactly like my friend's brother. Yeah, you know that brother...the one I've mentioned before that Uwe Boll kept stealing ideas from. Anyway, Jody is obsessed with Sam and the military which means he is always playing with G.I. Joes. At one point there is a cookout and those ribs looked fookin' amazing! None of this matters, but I thought it needed mentioning.
They don't explain why Sam is now a zombie, but he intuitively senses people who lack patriotism. Fuck those hippies! He also goes after a corrupt politician, some slimy lawyer, and other little bitches. Eh, I'm okay with the killing of these people. They try to make the kills feel "American" in a way, but the degree to which this succeeds is questionable. For example, some guy gets impaled on a flag, another guy blows up from fireworks, some chick gets her face grilled, etc. Speaking of which, how the hell are you gonna kill the chickadee on ribs duty?! Complicating the story a little further is the mindless inclusion of another kid who was injured by fireworks and Sam's...uhh...mentor? And that one kid gets his face molested by Sam too--what's up with that? Did I mention Sam is wearing an Uncle Sam outfit the whole time? Finally, not caring that Sam is already a zombie, they shoot him with cannonballs that are somehow of C-4 quality. You gotta have explosions after all. Believe it or not, there is no final zinger unless we count the mildly creepy smirk from Jody. All I see is a punchable face waiting to get hit so...yeah.
Setting aside a few bonus points, this movie is seriously lacking in higher levels of shenanigans. The material, once again, is not taken seriously, but they missed many opportunities to have fun. Hell, Sam doesn't even put on the costume or kill someone until around the 40 minute mark! SAAAAAAAM! Sorry, I just had to scream that in Dean's voice like I'm off my meds. Where was I? Oh yeah, the acting is fucking horrendous! It's like the cast can't read, but all their lines are on cue cards. The gore is weak too with only one worthwhile kill out of the bunch. I guess if you're tired of watching "Independence Day" for the millionth time, this is an option. Overall, this is a majorly cornball film, but it can be moderately enjoyable one day out of the year.
Notable Moment: When that dumbass Jody burns his toys at the end. Dude, back away from the G.I. Joes or else someone (you) is going to get hurt!
Final Rating: 4.5/10
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