The Halloween Tree Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: While trying to rescue the spirit of their friend, four children learn about the origin of Halloween.

Review: Based on a book by Ray Bradbury, "The Halloween Tree" is one of the most bizarre, holiday kids movies out there. I like that the story explores the history of Halloween's traditions through the lens of classic costumes, but the suspension of disbelief is a bit much for me. Sure, the story is a fantasy you must embrace from the perspective of a kid, but I saw this when it came out (in the early '90s) and I still feel that it is as nonsensical now as it was to me then. This isn't to say that the film is bad per se--you must simply accept things at face value with little explanation; likewise, the characters themselves do not question the events. Well...the film is unique that's for sure.

The story focuses on four young kids--dressed as a skeleton, monster, witch, and mummy--as they come to realize their best friend, Pip, may be dying one Halloween night. I thoroughly enjoy the sleepy, mid-Western town vibe going on and the fact that the kids don't even intend to trick or treat until dark. As I mention every Halloween, this country has become so pussified when it comes to the holiday it's depressing. Anyway, the kids believe they see Pip and chase after him. This pursuit leads them to a giant mansion with a massive...well...Halloween tree outside; essentially this is a tree covered with pumpkins hanging from the branches like they're apples. It is implied that each pumpkin represents someone who died that Halloween (or maybe all year if keeping with the "harvest" theme). Pip's spirit steals his pumpkin in defiance as if to prolong his life. At the same time, the tree is overseen by a Dracula/Grim Reaper hybrid named Moundshroud. Nothing about this character makes sense since he both helps the kids while also trying to secure Pip's apparent death. What...? Plus the kids are fighting against him one minute while bantering like friends the next.

For no explicable reason, Pip begins traveling through Halloween past like this is "A Christmas Carol" or something. Along with Moundshroud, the kids chase after on a kite made from animal parts. Yeah...okay. Conveniently enough, each point in time that Pip travels to corresponds to a costume one of the kids are wearing that helps to flesh out Halloween's traditions. In each era shenanigans ensue with no one the least bit shocked. If you're waiting for the "what the fucking is happening?!" line to be delivered, don't hold your breath. On the other hand, I liked this educational approach and the imagery is great at times. Eventually Moundshroud catches up with Pip--and will send him to hell probably--but the kids say they will trade years of their life for Pip to live longer. This sounds nice in theory but they each only offer up 1 year a piece. Oh gee, do you think you could spare it?! Plus, it's never clear if Pip will only live four years longer or whether Moundshroud was touched by the loyalty of friendship and gave up altogether on Pip; after all, the closing narration does make it sound like Pip lived happily ever after. Eh, you're guess is as good as mine. Regardless, I do appreciate the gesture of the friends and the sentiments of the story.

Overall, this is a pretty good movie all around, but it's hard for an adult to get into it when watching it solo. I imagine parents watching it with their kids would be the ideal situation. Granted, the movie is a little darker than very young kids would be able to tolerate, but a good age range should be 8-12ish unless you're raising your kids they way I was (not recommended!). The positives are the educational exploration of Halloween, its traditions, and why things are done the way they are. The friendship angle is handled decently, but they could have probably stepped up their game when trying to invoke an emotional response from the audience. But I did also like the style of the animation and general aesthetics. Unfortunately, it's hard to get yourself into the mental state where you accept random bullshit with no rhyme or reason like this is a dream coming to life. Then again...maybe that was the intention all along? Finally, this is a good alternative to the original "Halloween" if you aren't ready to see Michael Myers slicing and dicing his way through Haddonfield.

Notable Moment: When the kids ride on the giant kite seemingly made of various animal parts. I don't know why this is happening, but it was interesting to say the least.

Final Rating: 6/10

Scare Zone Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Leading up to Halloween, the employees at a horror attraction are picked off by a masked killer.

Review: Despite the low-budget, shit camera, uneven tone, and sheer, amateurish nature...this was actually not bad. The moment "Scare Zone" began, I thought it would be absolutely horrendous judging by that film quality coupled with the laughable acting in the introductory scene. However, once I got over the initial shenanigans, the film picked up considerably. Now, don't misunderstand me, this is not a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it managed to be above average even with all the negatives going against it. The main draw for me was the sense of fun with the story. Clearly the cast and crew were just trying to make a movie horror fans could enjoy. But, more so, the filmmakers were able to escape many pitfalls of the inexperienced. This was particularly noticeable with the conceded effort to use practical effects that, while not great, were respectable. Another strong point was the decent reveal of the killer's identity. I really can't believe it, but there are a lot of positives going on with this little movie!

The story itself is nothing spectacular as it merely involves a crew of stereotypes working at a Halloween attraction. Each day, leading up to Halloween, a worker or two is killed off by a masked killer. Though this plot line is simplistic, they do try to work with it the best they can. I thought all the characters would be super annoying, but they calmed down as the film progressed. Surprisingly there is a romance subplot regarding this goth chick going through emotional problems. It sounds dumb but it's presentation was kind of interesting; in fact, I liked that she worked at some Christmas store. One thing that definitely hurts is that the tone of the film annoyingly switches multiple times out of the blue. This is moronic. For example, one minute things are serious as a worker dies, but then geeky characters are getting into zany antics in the next scene; I mostly chalked this up to amateurish mistakes, but, still, c'mon.

As the killer racks up the bodies they blend into the attraction, and there is usually an explanation for why no one notices the characters disappearing. And, as I mentioned, the deaths and effects are commendable when all things are considered. Yeah, there aren't any mind-blowing effects, but I've seen way, waaaaay worse that's for sure. I'll admit I was impressed a little with the film's attempt to make everyone look suspicious. I did not guess the killer's identity too which I liked. Sure, there are many contrivances you must accept, but they weren't as glaring as you'd imagine. It turns out the killer is obsessed with that goth chick and is one of the fans of the attraction--not one of the workers after all; I know it might sound cornball but it works. There was even a final scene where I think it's implied the killer was not working alone; he did keep saying "we" a lot.

Honestly, if the filmmakers had a higher budget and better cameras, this might have been worthy of the good category. I don't mean to hype "Scare Zone" up whatsoever, but you could feel the heart put into the production. Let me reiterate, this is simply above average at best, but it's hard to ignore the considerable amount of effort put in when the budget was peanuts. If you're just looking for something to watch on Halloween there are better alternatives without a doubt. However, if you have burnt out the typical Halloween movies, this could work if you have your expectations in check. For me, I examine this movie more from the perspective of accomplishing a lot with a little. This easily could have been shit, worthy of a 3/10, but they managed to squeeze out every bit of entertainment possible. Gotta give credit where credit is due.

Notable Moment: When goth chick is cutting herself. Did she orgasm from the pain? Well, regardless, this scene is so weird and random that it's yet another moment where the tone does not fit at all.

Final Rating: 5.5/10

The Funhouse Massacre Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Coworkers spend their Halloween at a horror-themed funhouse that is operated by actual serial killers.

Review: Well this was a pleasant surprise. I had virtually no expectation beyond the knowledge that we get a titty shot from Chasty Ballesteros (and that was almost enough for me). However, this little, cornball film delivered a lot of humor, a massive body count, and a few ballsy moves I wouldn't have anticipated like killing off almost all the main characters. Sure, there are jokes that fall flat or make no sense altogether, but successfully having fun with the material is what most filmmakers get wrong. They nailed it. Now, don't get me wrong, there are plenty of stupid aspects that drag down the score. Believe me, I'm not trying to hype this movie up by no means. With a movie called "The Funhouse Massacre," you need to simply sit back and relax.

The story here is that a Harley Quinn-wannabe busts out a group of serial killers locked away in some hidden asylum. The serial killers themselves are nothing to write home about unfortunately. I will say that the Jason-wannabe was annoying me though, because he was too strong and invincible without explanation other than he's a big guy. Don't ask me why Robert Englund is on the center of the cover though since he's not one of the killers, and he dies right away when the killers escape. Guess you gotta exploit that marketing, huh? What a waste though. Anyway, this Harley chick, referred to as Dollface, has manipulated some dupe into constructing a horror-themed funhouse based on the escaped serial killers' methods. The plan is to...I guess...just kill as many people as possible that show up? Well, clearly, they were not thinking long-term. Just roll with it. On a side note, I actually liked the douchebag that Dollface was manipulating; his insults were amusing and he was still talking shit as they were killing him!

As for our leads, they obviously wanted to go with cliched high school kids, but they opted for coworkers at a diner of some sort. It's at this point I wanted to see a sexy Chasty Ballesteros in action but her costume was--as she explained it--sexy Hillary. Bleehhh. Even if I ignore that revolting imagery for a second, the platinum blonde wig was annoying me. What I'm getting at here, people, is that they dropped the ball with utilizing that firecracker, Chasty! Plus, they killed her first--dafuq?! Moving along...the cast is further rounded out by the goofball police, a sheriff with a connection to one of the killers and her deputy. This might sound like a lot of characters to balance screen time for, but they pulled it off decently.

 Chasty, baby, what kind of costume is that? NO...just no.

Where the film truly shines is when all the patrons show up to see the funhouse only to end up as unsuspecting victims trapped in a gated area. The editing and pacing works well as we get constant kills accompanied by progress from the characters in figuring out what's happening. Also, keep in mind that these shenanigans are always in a lighthearted tone with plenty of gags added for good measure. Eventually it's up to only those two cops and the coworkers to fight the killers. As I mentioned, they kill off most of the main cast which surprised me. I mean, you expected, at the very least, the awkward geeks to get together rather than dying. You think all of the killers are also dead, but it's revealed that Dollface magically survived and a post-credit scene shows our Jason-wannabe has miraculously survived as well despite taking hundreds of bullets and a shotgun blast to the head.

If you go into this expecting a serious horror movie you will be sorely disappointed. Likewise, I'm not promising that everyone will enjoy the sense of humor the story employs. However, if you just want a splatterfest with a Halloween theme, this film has you covered and then some. Of course, there are things that impressed me that maybe others will be annoyed by--such as killing off the geeks--but with the ridiculously high body count, sexy Ms. Ballesteros, and general sense of fun from the filmmakers, I don't see why any horror fan won't get a kick out of this. Is this a great Halloween alternative? Probably not especially if showing it to casual viewers for the holiday. I'd probably recommend popping this in as the lead-in to your main feature or watch it earlier in October. Honestly, if it weren't for the costumes and a few strategically placed props, this hardly even qualifies as a Halloween-themed movie anyway.

Notable Moment: When the deputy is playing NES. Besides wielding the original zapper, the deputy's game also crashes and he tries blowing into the cartridge. Good times...good times.

Final Rating: 6/10