Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Idiots are killed after receiving a phone call from the future.
Review: Screw it, I take back what I said about this movie being decent. This fucking sucks! It's like they didn't even watch the original movie and winged it after someone explained it to the writer over a campfire. What on earth were they thinking?! "Well, why don't we replace all the practical effects with shitty CGI...that scares the kiddies, right?" I only wish I were born with more hands so I could punch everyone involved at the same time. To make matters worse, this remake was created after the entire franchise had run its course in Japan...so they had added insight on how to tell a proper story and learn from the mistakes! Should have consulted me and Rika on how to do things correctly. Thankfully this movie is universally hated, but, in truth, it's nowhere near as bad as that "Shutter" remake; every time I think about that movie my hands tremble with homicidal thoughts dancing on my mind.
You know things are bad when the film begins by trying (and failing) desperately to pander to those aware of the original with an Asian-ish look to the first victim's house and calling the cat Luna. The first chick dies pathetically with the audience thinking, "umm, okay," like this is supposed to make sense. Plus, I just love how the little kitty gets killed. What, the cat got a fucking call too?! We get a lame setup for our wannabe Yumi, named Beth, as another friend gets the cursed phone call. Oh yeah, they changed the ringtone and it's not creepy at all. Beth is nowhere near as charming as Yumi and her mama drama feels tacked on more so than in the original. Our wannabe Yamashita, named Jack, doesn't strike me as someone that concerned with his sister's death...but the movie sure wants you to think he is. Now, when you get the call, you see retarded CGI visions, that are meant to be scary, up until you die. The deaths don't feel like a ghost is doing them as much as they appear to be rejected "Final Destination" ideas.
Blah blah blah, pointless drama, blah blah blah cursed phone calls, blah blah blah stupid friend ends up on TV. Natsumi's death was awesome in the original and worked so well, because it was believable that it would air on Japanese television. The same cannot be said for American TV which would never air something like this and definitely not live. Who cares though because they completely bumble the scene and it looked terrible. As before, Yumi...ahem, Beth gets the cursed call and turns into a whiny, panicky bitch which was the opposite of Yumi. Jacky-boy figures out the origin of the curse traces back to Marie (amazing they kept the one English name) and her two daughters Ellie and Laurel which are the equivalents of Mimiko and Nanako. They also explain that all the dumb CGI visions had to do with shit at Marie's house. No wonder your kid is crazy, you're giving her disturbing toys and bugs to play with! You already know what's going on so let's move on as nothing scary happens anyway. They realize Marie was at a hospital when it burned down so Beth goes in alone and, again, nothing scary happens. You know, the whole movie feels rushed when it comes to the best parts and yet they focus on stupid shit. Go figure. Jacky-boy arrives and the two dick around until Beth finds Marie's body in a vent. Admittedly, Marie's dead body did look cool, and I did like the way she came to life; too bad she looks like a Cenobite reject.
Beth gets CGI cried on and that's all it takes to get rid of the ghost of Marie. Jacky-boy and Beth go home and Beth tries to be all flirty for some reason. Big shock, Jacky-boy learns it was Ellie that is the villain. I love the ridiculous, over the top, spoon-fed "evil" look to Ellie with her wearing all black and a hoodie. Compare this to Mimiko who actually did look innocent and wore a girly dress. After Beth clearly sees someone in her house, she says, "whatever," and goes downstairs to answer the door. Because this movie does not know how to create tension, it is just Jack. Then there's another knock and Jack gets stabbed through the peephole. Uhh, Jacky-boy didn't get a call, but I guess he and the fucking cat shared one. Meow. Then we see more CGI and I'm starting to get scared because all this CGI is hurting my eyes. When Ellie goes to kill Beth--you're gonna love this--the ghost of Marie comes back and stops Ellie by putting her back in the phone! Oh goodness gracious. Then the movie ends all of a sudden with the phone ringing again with Beth walking the wrong way to the shower. Well, at least the movie was short, right?
As you can tell, this movie sucks. The only good moment in the whole film is Marie coming to life and that's over in less than a minute--not even exaggerating. They rushed the events, put zero effort into the scares, the characters are inferior, changed up the good ideas and worsened the bad ideas, and couldn't even explain the rules of the curse properly. I was going to give this movie an even lower rating, but it makes me laugh too hard...hell, I'm laughing right now! Unfortunately, I don't think many saw the humor in the situation the way I can. If you simply want to complete this franchise, don't bother. There's nothing new added, and, if you saw the original, then you've watched this movie too.
Notable Moment: When Ellie puts on the hoodie. Seriously, I was face-palming and laughing.
Final Rating: 4.5/10
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