The Ramblings of Ryan Volume 3

It's been a while since my last one, but here goes another regular blog post. I've had a few things on my mind I want to bring up so let's dive in.

First, let me laugh at the fact that I still haven't covered that "Battle Royale" review. Pst. One day, I promise. I just really hate BR2 that much! Something I've been considering to cover was a complete rundown of "The Twilight Zone" series; like, I would do a review for each episode individually. I'm not sure how I would break that down, but I want to have it separated from the regular reviews. One problem though...I'm too noob-ish to figure out how to do this! Anyway, I'd probably do a couple episodes a week with maybe just a paragraph or two a pop; nothing special or fancy but merely something fun to review. Another thing I want to do is another top 10 list, but I'm not sure what to cover. Best sequels? Best franchises? Scariest scenes? Most annoying characters who weren't killed?!

Since it's the end of the TV show season, for the most part, I might as well address a few things in this regard. I know I intended to mention this before but any of you DC fans out there should be watching "Arrow!" They're really bringing it with season 2 without too much cheesy drama you'd expect from the CW channel. I love all the little references and winks to the DC universe. There's eye candy for the ladies and eye candy for the guys so it works on most levels without the audience needing much of an understanding of the larger DC universe at hand. This leads me to the fact that they're introducing a show based on the Flash next which I'm hoping will be as good as "Arrow" has been thus far. The other show I wanted to mention was "From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series." I know what you may be thinking: "A show based on the movie?" I'm not going to claim the show was on the level of the film, but it's first season was surprisingly entertaining. The two actors filling in for George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino perform admirably and the story is changed enough to keep you guessing what direction they will take. Of course I need to address the elephant in the room though: Salma Hayek's character, Santanico. Look, there are very few women on the planet that could equal Ms. Hayek's sexiness at her peak especially with the notorious snake dance. The actress that takes on the role is named Eiza Gonzalez and she's still pretty hot herself, but she's nowhere near as buxom or curvaceous as Ms. Hayek. She did her best and it was a hard act to follow; even she described Ms. Hayek's body as "intimidating" (that's an understatement my dear). Needless to say, they greatly expanded the Santanico character which was wonderful, because all she originally did was look hot as fuck and then die almost immediately. I'd say give this show a chance, but if you're already annoyed with the changes from the get-go then forget it.

For comparison (sorry to whatever website I took this from!):

Moving on to the next chick trying to fill in the role of a curvy character...seriously, Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman?! I know I'm late to the debate, but after a recent photo of Ms. Gadot working out was released I could not stop laughing. Are you shitting me here?! Wonder Woman is an amazon with godlike abilities while simultaneously possessing the idyllic female form. Ms. Gadot on the other hand is a twig, and I don't see her bulking up anywhere enough to pull this shit off. And don't give me that fucking Heath Ledger as the Joker shit people keep bringing up. Actors impressing an audience with their performance is the exception not the rule. This whole Superman Vs. Batman idea is looking worse and worse, but here's hoping I suppose. I'm indifferent as far as Ben Affleck as Batman goes, but like my friend said, "He already ruined Daredevil might as well do it to Batman." And for realzies with Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor?! Eh, I guess if they go for the sheer intelligence aspect of Lex it might work somehow. But come on, the voice actor for Lex on the "Justice League" cartoon, Clancy Brown, looks more menacing! And let's not forget we've only just established Superman in "Man of Steel" and we're already prepping for a Justice League movie? I hope I'm wrong and this turns out amazing, but this looks like a shipwreck in the making.

Alright, now I'm going to completely shift gears and get semi-serious for a second. Cue unusual, angry rant! I believe the time has come to address a certain issue that annoys me greatly when it comes to discussing Asian horror movies. There is a certain segment of the English-speaking fanbase that watches these movies and are complete retards--or fanboys/girls if you're wanting to humor them. They lack any sense of objectivity and "love" every fucking movie that comes out without thought. These people are posers who do not necessarily care about film, or horror, or even Asian movies for that matter--they're desperately trying to find some niche that can define them and provide a lame sense of belonging. Look around the internet, they really aren't hard to come across. I'm bringing this up because reading comments/reviews about a few films recently were driving me crazy...more than usual. I really don't understand how someone could watch pieces of shit like "Haunted Changi," "Yoga Class," and "The Doll Master," and the first word that comes to mind is "amazing." Really, dude? REALLY?! My point is that this makes finding information on foreign films hard when you can never get a realistic idea of the film's merits with fools hailing every movie as the next "Ringu." Thankfully, imdb usually has reliable ratings in these situations since there are real people to cancel out the maniacs who only like these movies because they're "Asian." Take a deep breath here--believe it or not, not every movie that comes out of Asia is amazing. And trust me, if there is anyone who absolutely loves Asians and their movies, it's me (in case it wasn't obvious), but I'm not a mindless fanatic and will always be as objective as possible. Okay, rant over.

That was too much anger...must compensate somehow. I know. Rika, are you getting ready for summer? Yikes...I see!