Hellraiser: Bloodline Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: The creator of the puzzle box and his lineage are cursed throughout time because...why not?

Review: To put it succinctly: what a complete fucking mess. This might not be the worst entry, but the production was clearly a nightmare and the ball was dropped severely. The sad part is that this could have been amazing given the scope imagined. An epic battle across time and space against Pinhead and the forces of hell? Sign me up. Unfortunately, what we actually got were plot inconsistencies, shoddy editing, missing scenes, wasted characters, cheap sets, and every other problem under the sun. Look, if you see good ol' Alan Smithee directing anything you should know there is a 99.9% chance for shit.

To kick things off they essentially ignore the events of part 3 except for the ending with the building designed to look like a puzzle box. In fact, they pretty much ignore everything about this franchise going into this entry which is a moronic decision. So there is some guy in the future who plans to permanently destroy Pinhead...which accomplishes nothing. Seriously, Pinhead dying is a meaningless accomplishment. Leviathan runs hell and can create cenobites readily out of people who open the puzzle box. Likewise, there should be numerous boxes so the goal should really be to collect them all and destroy them. Besides, isn't all this talk of hell with each subsequent entry kind of negating the idea that the cenobites come from a different dimension where pleasure and pain overlap? Oh whatever.

We come to learn that this future guy, Merchant, is the descendant of the original creator of the puzzle box. Of course, nothing makes any sense, but that's just how audiences like things, right? Magically the puzzle box opens a gateway to hell because it was sitting on a shelf when a demon was summoned? I don't know. Making matters worse is this idea that the creator's bloodline is cursed for no explained reason. It just is! The guy who explains this also becomes immortal for no reason too which is just swell. As for that summoned demon, she wears the skin of some random chick yet even when seemingly killed her form remains looking like that chick? What? And she's a princess of hell. So...Leviathan, this abstract shape, had a daughter? FUCK LOGIC! Oh, and you can control a demon as long as you don't stand in hell's way...whatever that is supposed to mean. How exactly does one stand in the way of hell?

Around the halfway point Pinhead finally shows up...this is during the 1990s. Pretty much every scene during this time is bullshit. For one, we just saw in part 2 that the cenobites go after who actually wants the box opened not necessarily the one who opens it. Then Pinhead is able to stay in our reality as long as he wants...which negates the point of part 3. They take time to bolster the cenobite numbers despite the cenobites doing nothing all movie. It's also very convenient that Pinhead's crew of flunkies never die or expands for 100+ years. Come to think of it, why the hell is that demon princess a cenobite later? Shouldn't she be her own entity? Ugh...where is that fucking script supervisor.

The future plot elements are the worst since the set looks pitifully cheap; the CGI especially is painful to behold. Apparently Merchant's end goal was to trap Pinhead in some kind of infinite light loop despite us clearly seeing the loop end. Okaaaay. And wow, way to go making Pinhead look like a total dumbass when he gets tricked. The best part is how the credits begin to roll immediately after Pinhead dies. Yay, hell is defeated, the end. What a shameful conclusion. How do you go from the goddamn labyrinth of hell to space in a matter of two movies?! It's actually really funny if you think about it.

Needless to say, they fucked up big time. I can appreciate the vision and attempt to capture the scale without the budget, but you have to bring it with the story if that's the case--you can't have a total shitshow of a script to boot! Clearly there were too many hands in the cookie jar, but that doesn't mean I will fully forgive the debacle. It just blows my mind that this was the direction they took. The only thing more preposterous would have been to have the final shot of a xenomorph solving the puzzle box. The real kicker is that this is still technically the ending to the franchise as every other sequel takes place before the future we saw. If they were even half intelligent they would have included the cenobites from this film in the sequels but they don't. I'm just face-palming here.

Notable Moment: When Pinhead gets tricked by a hologram at the end. Come on, son, aren't you supposed to have supernatural powers and shit?! He's all lost and scared too like a kid who can't find his mom at the store or something!

Final Rating: 4.5/10