Halloweentown Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: One Halloween, a girl realizes she and her siblings belong to a family of powerful witches.

Review: Hmm, I remembered this being a lot more entertaining when it came out, but maybe I'm more of a hardass these days. Oh well! At a glance, this is merely a Harry Potter ripoff focused on Halloween, but the timing makes it hazy as to who's ripping off who. The first HP book was obviously out and selling well by the time this movie was made, however, certain plot elements from "Halloweentown" appear to have influenced the HP universe...especially the film adaptations. Setting aside such a debate, it is clear as day that HP is infinitely superior to this franchise. The acting is horrific, the costumes and creatures look like something you'd see at an elementary school parade, and the plot makes little sense. With that said, I do appreciate the charm and lighthearted nature of the story. As for the quality of the rest of the films, I don't think I even watched them all so here's hoping for the best.

The plot revolves around our Harry Potter equivalent, Marnie, who discovers, on her 13th Halloween, she's a witch. Right out the gate, a lot of shit doesn't add up. They claim you can lose your powers forever if you don't train them by this point yet the film never emphasizes a sense of immediacy. Then there is this subplot about Marnie's mom not wanting the kids to go out on Halloween...because reasons. Plus, the dad is dead...why? Moreover, I don't understand the reason for Halloween being at the center of all this. The gimmick is that all supernatural creatures are actually real and once lived alongside humans. Now the creatures only live in Halloweentown so as not to get killed, but on Halloween a magic portal opens up or something? Well that's fucking convenient. Ugh, nothing is explained. It's just a kids movie...it's just a kids movie...it's just a kids movie...

When Marnie's grandma, Aggie, shows up to prod the mom into letting Marnie embrace her powers, they all sneak into the magical Halloweentown world. Well, it's certainly no Hogwarts to say the least. Marnie has a little sister and brother who both have powers too, but that's not important until the end. Apparently this family of witches, called the Cromwells, are super powerful, but we never learn the how or why or are even shown evidence of this alleged power. Anyway, it's good everyone shows up this Halloween since an evil force is, I guess, plotting to taking over the world. At this point, who isn't trying to take over the world? After nearly endless displays of shenanigans, shoddy effects, and questionable acting, we learn that the mayor of Halloweentown, Kalabar, is behind everything. I'm sure he was intended to be this franchise's Voldemort, but they screwed that up badly. By the way, this franchise can't seem to decide if the guy's name is spelled with a "C" or a "K." I'm going with the "K" since that's the spelling used in the title for part 2. At the end, Kalabar is about to kill everyone, but the family members combine their powers--including the whiny mom--and the guy just dies somehow. Again, the vagueness of Kalabar's death I'm sure was deliberate in case they chose to bring him back. The family then returns to muggle-world where Marnie is sworn into Hufflepuff.

I think one of the main reasons I couldn't enjoy this as easily as I did back in '98 is because Marnie is such an unlikable little bitch. Forget the shit effects, paper mache costumes, and nonsensical plot delivered in the most matter of fact manner--Marnie alone practically ruins everything. I do like the way they depict Halloween in muggle-world, but that is short-lived. Some of the goofball spells and concepts are amusing, but the ideas feel rushed. Instead of scenes with, what I'm guessing was, a gay werewolf or a vampire at the dentist, they should have focused on the main characters and what the hell is even happening. I have no doubt kiddies and families will enjoy this film more than I so, if they're playing all the films this year, have at it. Overall, this is a mostly mediocre film simply boosted by the lighthearted charm of being a kids movie set on Halloween.

Notable Moment: When Aggie "fights" Kalabar. Wow, the levels of shenanigans and bad acting are quite remarkable. Pssshhh...did that bitch do a barrel roll?!

Final Rating: 5.5/10