Tales of Halloween Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: An anthology of 10 stories taking place on Halloween in the same town.

Review: I have been waiting a while for this film to come out, and, for once, this more than lived up to my expectations. The stories are fun, creative, and allot just enough time to get the point across. You get that Fall look and atmosphere I love along with a certain charm and appreciation for the holiday. I would prefer less stories with longer running times, but they successfully managed to add enough quality to the quantity to make it worthwhile. Not every segment is a hit, of course, but the better entries make up for the shortcomings. I wouldn't go as far as to say this is equal to "Trick 'r Treat," however, it's a worthy rival that's for sure. There is also no wraparound as they try to interweave the segments similarly to "Trick 'r Treat." Unfortunately, the connections are tenuous at best; we see the same trick-or-treaters here and there, the cops discuss the reports coming in, and most segments have the town DJ on the radio. By the way, the DJ is played by Adrienne Barbeau--channeling a role reminiscent to her one in "The Fog." Okay, enough idle chatter--let's get into this.

Sweet Tooth: For the opening tale we have a kid seemingly orgasming while eating candy. Easy, dude. The kid's babysitter is wearing a scandalously short skirt! Hey, I love me some schoolgirl action but wow. Too many distractions with this segment. Okay, so, the babysitter and her boyfriend tell the kid about a killer nicknamed Sweet Tooth. Once upon a time there used to be a boy who could go trick-or-treating, but his parents forbid him from eating his candy. One Halloween night, Sweet Tooth figured out his parents were just eating all his candy themselves which drove him insane. He killed them, ate all his candy, then decided to eat the candy right out of their intestines. Legend has it that if you eat all of your candy on Halloween, Sweet Tooth will come and kill you since you didn't save him any. Scared of this story, the kid leaves Sweet Tooth a candy bar while the babysitter and boyfriend eat the rest. What a dick move by the way. Of course the ghost pops up, kills the babysitter and boyfriend, and the parents return home to the scene of the crime as if the kid murdered them instead of Sweet Tooth. Not a bad start to kick this movie off. I think our little schoolgirl may have been wasted, but I liked the concept of Sweet Tooth.

Not going to lie...I've seen shorter.

The Night Billy Raised Hell: I'm not entirely sure what was going on here, but they were trying to make this one humorous. Some chick and her boyfriend take the little brother, Billy, trick-or-treating to a particular house. Supposedly an old man living in this house is a real hardass about Halloween, and they try to egg his house. This year will be different though as the old guy, seemingly, enlists Billy-boy to help him wreak havoc on the neighborhood as revenge. I did like the over the top antics they commit--like running into Adrianne Curry dressed as Lily from "Legend," eating fried chicken, and nonchalantly killing people. This story actually feels very similar to "Satan's Little Helper" as Billy-boy is running around in a devil outfit. After the night of chaos, we discover the old man had a little demon minion with him while the real Billy-boy was tied up all along. When Billy-boy tries to go back home the cops shoot him for pissing himself. Well...okay. This segment did straddle that fine line between stupid and funny, but it did amuse me just enough.

Trick: There wasn't a lot to this segment as we see a group of goofballs dealing with trick-or-treaters as you'd expect. When one little girl comes to the door she stabs one of these idiots. The remaining fools scramble to get their car instead of calling for help. More kids close in and pick off each person off until one chick is left hiding in a shed. You may find yourself wondering why they won't just call for help until you realize the final chick is trying to delete incriminating photos off her cellphone. It would appear these goofballs are actually killers themselves, and the kids are getting revenge. We see that this shed is a torture chamber as the kids find and kill the last chick. I liked this little twist on the killer children concept.

The Weak and the Wicked: This was probably my favorite of the bunch as it mixed together really cool ideas in an original way. Even though this is taking place the same night as the rest of the segments, they are invoking faithful themes, motifs, and music from Spaghetti Westerns. Plus, the notion of crossing a Western with Halloween is brilliant! You have bullies, led by the luscious Grace Phipps, who are picking on a kid conveniently dressed as a cowboy. The mannerisms, lingo, and styles are perfectly depicted and merged with the modern setting--I cannot stress enough how awesome this feels if you're familiar with the genre. I might add, Ms. Phipps has this whole sexy bad girl thing going on that is totally doing it for me! Sure, she's the complete opposite of my usual type, but it's working in a way similar to my beloved Hudson Leick as Callisto. Anyway, a masked and mysterious stranger pops up who keeps checking his old pocket watch. He shows the bullies a picture of a demon, but they realize the stranger is wimpy and chase after him. Fleeing toward an old trailer, the stranger flashes back to a past Halloween when the bullies burned his family alive and left him for dead. I love how the bullies are little kids when they did this too--it's fucking perfect, man! When the bullies realize who the stranger is, they go to light him on fire too, but the demon shows up and kills them. I do wish they made it so the stranger was actually toying with the bullies--leading them into a kind of makeshift shootout; that would be my only criticism since it would fit the Western genre better. Other than that gripe, this was a near-perfect homage to a genre I'd never think to blend with Halloween.

What can I say, I sometimes like my women completely evil.

Grim Grinning Ghost: We get a little Lin Shaye cameo for this segment as we see the chick from "Starry Eyes" return as a scaredy-cat main character. In fact, quite a bit of the cast from "Starry Eyes" are in this movie. Lin Shaye regales us with the legend of a ghostly, disfigured woman who stalks people on Halloween for making fun of her disfigurement in life. The main girl's car breaks down, and she walks home on foot as the ghostly woman follows behind. The main girl does manage to make it into her house, but the ghost has apparently disappeared. We get the stupid mirror fake out yet again followed by the main girl's dog freaking out. When the main girl looks back the ghost has appeared on her couch, and that's all she wrote. Eh...a bit on the pointless side, but it's presented well enough. In a way, it's reminiscent of the "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow's" premise but nowhere near as cool.

Ding Dong: Well, it would appear, if you do an anthology film these days, you must include a pretentious entry. I think this was supposed to be a weird metaphor about domestic violence, crazy women and their desire for children, and a dash of pedo-action just because. Some dude is totally whipped by his wife, and she smacks him around and treats him like a child. This is represented by the wife turning into a 4-armed witch or whatever the hell. It would appear what sets her off is mentioning her lack of children as she is obsessed with having one of her own. Come Halloween, we see her ogling a little girl as we get a closeup of this girl's nonexistent cleavage. Uhhh...disturbing. Later on, when a lost little boy appears, the wife attempts to kidnap the kid, but the husband draws the mom's attention just in time. The two fight, the husband implies he had a vasectomy, and the wife transforms and throws him into the oven. Then the wife simply says she's melting, and we end this shit. Umm...what the fuck was this? The only positive was the wife did have a bit of a milf thing going on...just a tad.

This Means War: With more time, I think this segment could have been a lot better. All we see are two neighbors competing against one another to present the best Halloween decorations. One guy represents old school horror while the other is more modern and gore-oriented. This clash of ideas should have been played up more, but they rush to Halloween night with the two guys fighting. After the one neighbor blasts his music, the two guys start destroying each others' property. This escalates into an all out brawl with bystanders betting on them. When the cops show up, the two guys accidentally become impaled on a stray piece of wood. That's it. I can appreciate what they were trying to demonstrate--with a clash of ideas--but the final product is lacking in depth.

Friday the 31st: Finally, someone realizes you need to have some alien action on Halloween; the only instance I can think of was with "Spaced Invaders" and "E.T." to a lesser extent. We see a slutty Dorothy running from, well, a glorified Jason-wannabe. After a little chase, Jason kills slutty Dorothy only for a UFO to show up and drop off an alien trick-or-treater. Not knowing what to do, Jason kills the alien, but it somehow possesses slutty Dorothy. The two then engage in a gory battle using all manner of weapons. When both parties are in pieces, the alien reforms and returns to the UFO. See, this is what I really love about this film...the weird combination of homages yet retaining a faithful and fun application of these ideas. I mean, just imagine a full-length feature with that plot: an alien possesses a girl dressed as a slutty Dorothy only to do battle with Jason on Halloween!

The Ransom of Rusty Rex: Here we have two goofball kidnappers thinking they have an easy scheme on their hands: kidnapping a millionaire's kid while he's trick-or-treating alone. The millionaire is amusingly played by John Landis and one of the kidnapper's is fucking Starkiller from "The Force Unleashed." The comedic aspects were admittedly funny as the kidnappers wonder why John Landis doesn't care if his kid is captured. It turns out the kid is some kind of monster that has been forcing the millionaire to take care of him but has become newly interested in the kidnappers instead. They fight the monster kid a bit, but, no matter what they do, the monster keeps coming back to screw with them. In the end, they burn the monster, but it will not stay dead and eats a kidnapper. What makes this funny for me is how readily the kidnappers accept their situation and keep trying to kill the monster. Also, their reactions to everything are great.

Bad Seed: To close us out, we get a cross between "Halloween," fucking "Halloween III: Season of the Witch," and the all too similar segment from "All Hallows' Eve 2," called "Jack Attack." It's hard to explain, but it all comes together nicely. Likewise, this is where a lot of the tales converge, however, it would have been better if this happened throughout. The real downside is they totally wasted Cerina Vincent's sexiness in a bit role; she should have been the main cop. Anyway, a sentient jack-o'-lantern starts to eat people as a cop must stop the killings. I think they make one kid get eaten just so the mom can scream "Kevin" like this is "Home Alone." After finally blowing away the killer jack-o'-lantern, the cop and her associate realize it came from a corporate laboratory. At the end, the cops go to this place only to discover there are thousands more of these pumpkins. Overall, they pulled off the sentient pumpkin idea much better than "All Hallows' Eve 2" was able to accomplish. Plus, the comedic aspects were interesting like the sketch artist honestly taking the time to draw a jack-o'-lantern. Oh, and the credits have a song based on the title of this movie too! They had to go there, huh?

With all things considered, I would rate this fairly high as a "Halloween" alternative. "Trick 'r Treat" is still the De facto alternative mind you, but the bizarre and unique segments depicted here are worth checking out regardless. Like I said, the blending of genres and ideas in a successful manner is surely the highlight to this production. Sure, there are a few misses here and there, however, those are still well done segments and do not deter from the full experience. Supposedly this has a limited theatrical release somewhere, but it's easier to access on demand. I'd highly recommend checking this one out this holiday, and here's to hoping this can become a franchise with annual installments. Now, if only we could get "Trick 'r Treat 2" to finally come out.

Notable Moment: During "The Night Billy Raised Hell" segment when Adrianne Curry pops up randomly dressed as evil Lily from "Legend." I don't get why this is happening, but it's awesome.

Final Rating: 6.5/10