Triangle (2009) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: After their boat is overturned, a group of friends are rescued by a cruise ship that seemingly harbors a masked killer.

Review: This movie surprised me a bit, because it starts off slasher-esque but transitions into something deeper. On the surface, this would appear to be nothing more than a masked killer whodunnit situation, however, we quickly discover there are supernatural elements that complicate matters. In fact, it might be fair to say the filmmakers bit off more than they could chew in the grand scheme of things. I do like the general direction "Triangle" takes, but will audiences be pleased with its big twists being spoiled far too early? Let's take a look.

Weirdly enough, this movie and "The Boat" both had the ships named Aeolus. What a bizarre coincidence. Anyway, to quickly summarize things, our main character, Jess, meets up with some friends on a yacht. Shortly after, the yacht is capsized in a storm. A cruise ship passes by and picks up the stranded friends, but no one appears to be aboard. After exploring for a time (and splitting up, of course!), someone wearing a makeshift mask attacks and kills everyone except Jess. In this confusion, it's hard to tell what is happening, yet, Jess is able to turn the tide on the killer and throw them overboard. The end, right? Wrong. Jess then hears the cries of her friends, and herself, coming from the capsized boat. Not sure what is happening, Jess follows her friends around the cruise ship as we learn this is all one big time loop. The masked killer is actually Jess--a future version of her--who thinks the only way to end the time loop is to kill everyone. Uh huh. As the story progresses, we see the normal Jess turn into the killer in effort to get back to her son. Eventually, we have another revelation once Jess manages to get back to land. It's the ol' main character is really evil surprise! God knows I love that soooo much! There is a spin to this at least since Jess has decided to kill her past self and take back over as a changed woman. There's just one problem--the supernatural forces at work lead her to die along with her son. This brings us back to the beginning of the film with Jess somehow cheating death--creating this loop in the first place in order to somehow save her son. Eh, don't think too hard about it.

First let's deal with the positives. I genuinely LOVE when a movie comes full circle! "Triangle" accomplishes this feat quite well and ties up many loose ends scattered throughout the story; the plotting and pacing for the story is tight which impressed me. The main chick, Jess, is played wonderfully by Melissa George. The other actors are serviceable, but Ms. George juggles many personalities and carries everything well. The overall ambiance and story are both great and keep the audience engaged with what will come next. It's hard to adequately explain, but I appreciated the general ideas and concepts presented. I expected a little more, but I'm satisfied with what we got.

As for the negatives, let's go with the predictability. Why, oh why, did they have a character explain the time loop before we even get the appearance of the masked killer? The filmmakers could have kept the plot grounded in the normal world and then sprang the twist. And this allusion to Sisyphus doesn't really work here. It's not that Sisyphus reneged on a deal with death, it's that Sisyphus was punished for thinking he was more clever than the gods, having tricked them more than once in the mythology. The revelation for how Jess got into this time loop is nonsensical with an otherworldly taxi driver. Whaaaat? And why can't Jess escape the situation if she already knows the actions of her other selves? I was actually hoping they'd imply that the friend who drowned was the key to why the loop won't end but nope. I don't know...there is just this hollow feeling to the experience; there is something missing to fully bring things together.

Wrapping things up...the tone, look, and pacing are spot on; the film handles the technical aspects respectably given what looks to be a low budget. Taking the masked killer angle and pulling a switcheroo was a cool change of pace. I did want the explanations to be more meaningful and thought out, however, I can appreciate the effort and understand the vision of the filmmakers. While I do have considerable problems with "Triangle" there is more than enough positives here to warrant an enjoyable view.

Notable Moment: When the one friend stumbles across dozens of her own body; it shows how long the loop has been going on. Cool idea in theory, but, if this is some kind of supernatural time loop, wouldn't all the bodies disappear each time things reset?

Final Rating: 6/10

The Boat (2018) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A man becomes trapped on a boat, but is someone else onboard?

Review: "The Boat" isn't working with a lot yet it's able to accomplish a considerable amount nonetheless. Employing one, sole actor, the director's son, "The Boat" is a feature-length adaptation of a short by the same father and son duo. The main draw with this little film is the curiosity. At a glance, this appears to be more of a drama, however, layers of mystery unfold as things progress leading you to wonder what even happened in the first place. For the most part, the movie engages the audience in the mystery, but, by the end, I think audiences will be disappointed with the outcome.

For the positives I have to give credit to our lone actor, Joe Azzopardi. Ultimately, he carried the entire film on his shoulders which was no easy task. As stated, the intrigue surrounding the story is what will keep a viewer invested. The main guy becomes trapped on this boat stranded in the ocean, but there is clearly more going on. There are clues to something occurring onboard, and there is always this lingering presence that someone is on the ship, lurking in the peripheral. At the same time, the film includes enough natural explanations to keep you guessing for sure. By the end, you may start to realize the bizarre reality even when the main guy seemingly finds a hidden cubby-hole. It turns out this is some kind of ghost ship or an actual sentient vessel. Maybe it's an alien. Obviously I enjoy the mystery leading up to this point, and especially the stringing along of the audience. With that said, this revelation is lame and comes out of the blue. Why would a ghost or a living ship bother messing with this particular guy? Had the ship simply sailed off into the sunset, we could have been left wondering, but maybe that would have been even more disappointing? Beyond the ending, there simply isn't much else worthwhile going on--unraveling the mystery is the single reason to watch the movie. To me, this is a huge failure in writing since we could have had some twist involving the main guy that served to explore his character indirectly. Oh well.

All things considered, "The Boat" isn't the best story, but it's a good effort from an indie. Much of the camerawork is exceptional given filming on water is notoriously difficult. On some level, I think I appreciate this film more for its technical efforts than its overall presentation. On the other hand, this film can still provide casual entertainment through a respectable mystery and interesting concepts. There is certainly worse out there, but there isn't much to write home about here. Viewers simply need to keep their expectations tempered if they're going to watch.

Notable Moment: When the ship disappears. Effective use of editing, but you could just feel this moment coming which hurt to a degree.

Final Rating: 5.5/10

The Twilight Zone: Rod Serling's Lost Classics Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Two old scripts written by Rod Serling that were adapted for TV in the '90s.

Review: In fairness, only one of these "lost classics" could be considered a TZ episode; that being the first segment. The second segment doesn't really fit the design of a TZ episode which is why many say it's closer to an episode of "Night Gallery." Nevertheless, how do these tales stack up against the series proper? Well, they're nothing to write home about and would have been considered middle of the road to me. It's not that they're bad stories--they're just on the boring side with nothing unique to them. Both tales tackle subjects discussed in previous episodes that were done better then. Still, there is some entertainment to be had so let's take a look, shall we?

The Theatre: This story does feel TZ-ish so it does have that going for it. A woman, named Melissa, fears getting married to her doctor fiance for whatever reason. The significance of this plot point appears relevant, but I'm just not seeing it. Melissa makes plans for a movie festival, but, instead of playing the movie, she sees events from her life and the future on the screen. Had this vision of the future connected to her potential marriage then things might have made sense, however, the future depicts her dying in a cartoonish manner in the coming days. Compelled to return to the theater, Melissa sees more of her future until she becomes fearful of her imminent death. But just when you think Melissa is about to die, the events do not occur as shown. Whew. Oh, wait, both our main characters are fucking retards who didn't know what day it was, and the exact same scenario happens again the next night and Melissa does die. Uhhh...okaaaay. Your twist should not hinge on two clueless idiots forgetting what day it is. The story ends with the fiance experiencing the same phenomenon when he goes to the theater. While the conclusion is lackluster, the ambiance to the episode is decent. Plus, the fiance is played by Lumbergh of all people!

Where the Dead Are: For the second story we get an interesting premise, but it meanders about far too long and becomes boring. Some time after the Civil War, a guy named Dr. Ramsey performs surgery on a mysterious man who dies. This man had scars from injuries he couldn't have possibly survived which intrigues Ramsey to find the doctor that treated him. Heading off to a creepy island, Ramsey discovers the townsfolk here are being kept immortal by a doctor named Wheaton. It would appear Wheaton has discovered the literal cure for death, however, this has made the islanders evil as they never want to die and are dependent on this miracle cure. In fact, they have cut off Wheaton's legs so he can't escape. This reveal of the cut off legs was done poorly. This plot point bothered me since they make up an excuse for the cutoff legs at first when they could have easily said Wheaton was wheelchair-bound without explanation; it really took away the impact later.

Well, contrivances abound as Ramsey showed up just in time for this entire immortality scheme to come crumbling down. It actually kind of makes Ramsey's involvement irrelevant. In fact, it makes you question why that first guy even showed up at Ramsey's hospital considering the islanders want to be near Wheaton. What an oversight. Anyway, the islanders all die without this miracle cure, Wheaton dies, and we come to realize that Ramsey's love interest was also staying alive from this miraculous formula. In the end, Ramsey realizes that death is an important part of life that he must accept, and that people are better off never knowing what happened. Eh, this story would have been better had Ramsey set the events into motion rather than showing up at just the right time. I mean, had he showed up a week later everyone on the island probably would have been dead anyhow.

Having reviewed every episode of the original series for perspective, I can't imagine these tales would have been received any better if made during the show's initial run. Granted, the '60's budget limits could have led to changes for the better, but we will never know how they would have looked if filmed at that time. I do think hardcore fans should give this movie a view but keep the expectations in check. Casual viewers will probably be disappointed since this isn't even a true anthology movie.

Notable Moment: When Melissa is having burger time. Mmmmm...burger time...

Final Rating: 5.5/10

The Invisible Man (2020) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: After escaping her controlling ex-boyfriend, a woman continues to be stalked by an invisible force.

Review: In essence, this interpretation of "The Invisible Man" is an expensive Lifetime movie. If that notion bothers you then this probably isn't the movie for you. However, this is an entertaining thriller in its own right. The acting is good from the players, and the scenarios that unfold work well. In fact, some of the scares allow this film to feasibly pass for a horror despite it's sci-fi grounding in reality and stalker plot line. Unfortunately, there are some glaring flaws that stop this from being anything spectacular.

So, first and foremost, forget everything about any other version of "The Invisible Man" or its source material from H.G. Wells. Here, the focus is on the titular character's girlfriend, Cecilia, played excellently by Elisabeth Moss; Ms. Moss brings a lot of emotion to the role which helps alleviate some tremendous story gaps. Cecilia's every movement and thought is controlled by her boyfriend who fakes his own death in order to stalk her freely with an invisible suit he's invented. This stalking is the core of the story as the boyfriend, Adrian, makes Cecilia look insane, ruins her relationships, and frames her for murder. Much of these events are depicted with such fluidity that it can turn the thriller elements into horrific scenes with precision effort. For example, when Cecilia's sister gets killed it happens so quickly and works perfectly to Adrian's desires. Pulling off the creepy elements is where this version shines most. Besides the acting and story beats, "The Invisible Man" succeeds with fantastic cinematography. This is highlighted the most with Adrian's dreamy house by the ocean; I like the way the music complements these moments as well.

Now I want to run down some of the serious flaws that I notice critics and audiences alike are ignoring. This movie is called "The Invisible Man" and we keep hearing over and over again about how horrible and evil Adrian is. Yeaaah...hearing about it. This is a visual medium for fuck's sake, show me Adrian's antics! We couldn't get flashbacks to these moments Cecilia discusses? There were ample scene transitions that could have worked like when Cecilia passed out at the job interview. I don't get it...this is a tale where the villain is as important or more important to establish than the hero. And after constant buildup--never showing the actual guy--we come face to face with this geeky dude who dies moments later? Whaaat? Why obscure his face then? Adrian should have been someone we loved to hate, yet, he's more of a ghost. Speaking of which...

No one suggests that he's a ghost or anything supernatural is happening? Just jump right to he invented a suit to become invisible? More so, why no debate on whether Cecilia truly was crazy? Ultimately, the ending is where things come off the rails; this movie did not know where to stop. Wouldn't it have been a perfect ending if it ended with the revelation that the invisible man was ONLY Adrian's brother? Imagine, you'd still have Cecilia insisting Adrian is out there, the audience would be left wondering too, and things would be a lot scarier not knowing for certain. Instead we get Adrian magically tying himself up in a wall and shenanigans with Cecilia getting a suit. So this guy had 3 suits? Or he just wasn't bothered by one going missing while he and his brother were both fucking with Cecilia? Pretty damn contrived when all problems could have been solved without Cecilia getting that Lifetime channel revenge at the end.

All things considered, this was a fun update to the classic story. While the two versions have almost nothing in common, I think this interpretation captures the scare-factor of the invisibility. I have no doubt that this film works best as rental material with its what-the-fuck moments to mess with casual audiences. However, looking deeper reveals a more shallow experience that takes too many cues from the Lifetime network and its cookie-cutter formula. Nevertheless, this is worth a watch without a doubt.

Notable Moment: The entire attic segment was great.

Final Rating: 6/10

The Phoenix Tapes '97 Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Found footage trash about a group of friends conveniently abducted by aliens one at a time.

Review: Let's be upfront: this is a complete waste of time. Oh, sure, this movie is barely an hour long, but it still managed to take me from fully awake to fully asleep. That's impressive in a way. There are essentially little to no redeeming qualities to speak of so let's address those first. The character banter somewhat feels believable. The general premise is intriguing regarding the real life phenomenon and mystery. The opening sequence makes you think this movie could be remotely entertaining. And that's about all there is for the positives.

Cliches abound as we see typical idiocy with characters running around and recording for no reason. The aliens, if we are to accept that, are weak and barely shown. More so, the aliens are implausible and stupid; they act like any other found footage creature who takes a character one at a time. Why couldn't the aliens simply abduct the group all at once? And why target these goofballs? I mean, these guys are in the middle of nowhere--did the aliens stumble upon them? Or was their plan to actually land in the middle of a fucking desert and pray there are people there to take? And how did that soldier come across those tapes? At least if they hinted that the creatures weren't actually aliens--or that the government knew of the incident outright--then we may have more to work with. This is already more thought than this movie deserves.

Overall, this is shit. Wasted potential with the material, nothing happens, and these are laughable aliens who would cross the vastness of space to abduct a couple of fuckers fishing in the middle of oblivion. If you are looking for a sleep-aid then this may be a useful alternative; otherwise, avoid this garbage at all costs.

Notable Moment: Honestly, the opening setup had me hopeful.

Final Rating: 3/10