Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: After covering up their friend's death, a bunch of bitches are stalked by a hooded killer.
Review: It really shouldn't have been difficult to improve on the original yet they managed to screw it up anyway. Of course! Sure, there are a few intelligent decisions like making the girls hotter and trying to add some sexiness to the experience. But even this aspect is screwed up since all the girls come off as so sleazy and disgusting. It's like you can almost smell the STDs coming through the screen! I guess this is the 4D experience? Still...you can't go wrong with that kitten, Jamie Chung. The real icing on the cake though is this film has the honor--or, rather, dishonor--of having (probably) the worst motive for a killer in all slasher history. That's something, right?
Definitely a vast improvement over the original cast.
Something certainly worth addressing was the decoy trailer. Making this look like a drama, or mild thriller, only to suddenly switch to horror actually made me hopeful going into this. If only the film itself were that creative. There were plenty of opportunities within the story to take things up a notch, but they decided to stick with cliche-land. By the way, this has abso-fucking-lutely no connection to the original except tiny Easter eggs. Though, one similarity they share is the idiotic decision to end the movie ill-timed. This film ends with the revelation that a secondary character is alive...because...I think they forgot he wasn't the killer during post-production.
So let's address that retarded killer. Two missteps: not making one of the girls the killer and not making that particular killer Ms. Chung. Come on, let's finally have an Asian, female killer outside of Asia! Admit it, had they restructured the film to change her character's locations, you would have never guessed it was her. Instead, we were left with two obvious red herrings and two contenders. I knew they would go with the safe bet, but I never imagined his motive would be so profoundly stupid. The killer turns out to be the main chick's boyfriend (so shocking), and his motive is to make her...forget that she covered up a murder? Whaaaaaaat? Let me get this straight...you're the valedictorian of your college, seemingly rich, and decently attractive (he's a wannabe Hayden Christensen especially in voice). Yet...you thought, "hey, fuck that shit, I'm gonna torment my girlfriend and her friends, kill those assholes, and then she will finally get over another friend's death and love me forever!" Yeaaaah...makes perfect fucking sense. Was this written on a napkin lying around on the set or something?
Wet and wild and should have been the killer.
I don't know why they bother to make these shallow remakes. Are they even profitable? The initial direction of making everything sexier could have worked wonders, but that can't be your only improvement. The original's whodunnit aspect was flimsier, but they managed to pull off better atmosphere. The reveals for both killers were lackluster, but at least the original attempted to make things scary. Here, the claim to fame is just how terrible the killer turns out to be! I guess there were funny parts to this remake, but this angle is nonsensical given that no one would still be cracking this many jokes in the face of death. If I'm generous, this can receive a mediocre rating mostly due to the abundance of scantily clad girls and Ms. Chung. This isn't the worst remake out there either so there's that.
Notable Moment: When that one guy rejects Chugs (that name, dude). That was actually an amusing scene, and it kind of sums up my own feelings on trashy skanks you see everywhere nowaday.
Final Rating: 5/10