Bad Candy Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A radio host presents a series of tales on Halloween night.

Review: This is like the dollar store version of "Trick 'r Treat," but it's not as bad as some make it out to be. Now, don't get me wrong, this is more low-budget nonsense, yet, there is a level of charm going on and the filmmakers did at least try to make the stories feel interconnected. With that in mind, one of the biggest problems is obviously the quality of these tales. Some are over before you even know they've begun while others drag on far longer than needed. A lack of focus or vision was certainly an issue here so let's take a look at what we have.

The wraparound segment involves a radio host, named Chilly Billy, and his co-host (I guess), Paul. Of note is that Paul is played by a bored Zach Galligan; realistically he should have been cast as Chilly Billy as a further nod to "Gremlins" since they do joke about what happens to him if he eats after midnight. Anyway, these two are sorta telling the stories we see, but it doesn't entirely add up when watching the movie. So, yes, we do get frequent cuts back to these two which does help with transitions. The conclusion to these two connects to the final segment so I'll stop here for now.

The first tale is definitely on the dumb side and presented incoherently. The confusion is mostly due to the filmmakers trying to tell this story while still trying to establish the beats of the anthology. What we get, however, is something with a little girl who can bring her drawings to life. She has an evil dad (or stepdad whatever), that kills her dumb drawings when they come to life. So she makes a Kayako-mom or something to kill the guy. That's more or less what happens, but there's way too much going on here. There is this subplot with a clown guy she created that runs rampant in other segments, but this clown is such a wannabe of Sam from "Trick 'r Treat." The girl's friends seemed like they had their own segment that was removed from the final cut or something. Then there is this brat kid running around being a bitch before the clown guy seemingly captures his soul or something. This is presented as if the clown has been doing this for a long time, but wasn't he just created that night by the girl? What the fuck?

Next up is some pedophile-looking guy putting way, waaaay too much effort into sabotaging candy. This upsets our clown friend who comes to kill pedo-guy. And that's essentially it. Clown man doesn't really toy that much with the guy or anything. I feel like this could have had more tormenting but nope.

Onto the next one, we get another incoherent entry as it's trying to set up characters for other tales while failing to present this story. The main guy is some drug dealer giving out a ton of freebies--which makes no sense--but then it makes even less sense when you realize everyone treats the guy like shit. I actually started to feel bad for this sad soul especially when he simply tries to take a dookie and gets killed by a masked killer who seemingly stalks this public restroom. Damn, this dude got less respect than Rodney Dangerfield. Seriously, other than establishing other characters, what was the point to this?

Moving along, we have creepy Abbie, as she is described by past dates, played by Haley Leary. Well, she's dressed up as a nurse, and that's one of my main weaknesses so we are talking some bonus points here. Abbie works as a...morgue attendant(?)...I guess and decides now is the time to get high from the drugs given to her in the last guy's story. This makes her horny and decide to start dry-humping one of the cadavers. Perks of the job, huh? This dead guy seemingly comes to life and chases our nurse friend into the freezer. Here, Abbie starts tripping out hard which is followed by all the corpses coming to life to have their way with her...maybe. The clown pops up just to lock her in, but, by the end of the movie, it looks like all she did was trip out and imagine the whole thing so who knows. Including a sexy nurse is pretty much a guaranteed extra half point for any movie so there's that.

The next story takes a while to get going since they establish this guy dressed as Dracula driving Uber or whatever beforehand. He picks up this girl dressed as a cop and takes her home. There, the chickadee finds two losers trying to burglarize her house. She has some history with the one guy, and we did see these losers earlier in the film, but for the most part I don't get the point to this. If the one guy is some slimy ex-boyfriend why are they shocked that there's nothing worth stealing in the house? He didn't know? Eventually there are some "Home Alone" level antics of running around followed by the clown guy popping up to kill the burglar. Again, what was the point? Why did the clown intervene, and we also see one of the kids from the first segment as if we are supposed to make some connection. Once more, was something lost along the way? This story in particular felt like Swiss cheese.

Getting back to guy the dressed as Dracula...this segment is probably where this film's budget went. We've seen these annoying prostitutes throughout the movie and Dracula comes to Uber one them off to meet her pimp. At this destination, Dracula starts to fight everyone with the help of his big friend. We come to find out these guys are some kind of ex-soldiers, along with the bathroom killer from earlier, and they're rounding up a bunch of bad people to sacrifice. Apparently their fourth friend turns into some kind of gargoyle monster, and this is to entertain/feed him. The editing in this segment is pretty bad, but the gargoyle effects were cool. I think if you had ditched the clown and had these guys lurking in the background of all segments, collecting victims, that would have worked significantly better for a final payoff. Notwithstanding the shortcomings, this was one of the more interesting and fun segments.

The final story is definitely on the lamer side, however, this was where the filmmakers attempted to bring things full circle. Some ghost hunting team visits an old mansion where some kid was burned alive. They try to make this dramatic, but it's as cookie-cutter as it gets. Meanwhile, Chilly Billy learns that the kid that died was because of Paul doing some prank that got out of hand when he was young. The ghost of the kid appears at the station and seemingly burns everything down, killing Paul. Or was it all really the clown? Eh, all things considered, at least this was a more involved wraparound than most anthologies. Oh, and there is a scene after the credits which could be considered really funny or utterly retarded depending on your outlook.

With significantly more polish, "Bad Candy" might have been a decent, little flick to pop on during the Halloween season. Unfortunately, it is going to be hard to ignore the bouts of shoddy editing, cornball sound effects, and, otherwise, general idiocy running rampant throughout. Still, I can appreciate the effort to tell an interlocking anthology in the vein of "Trick 'r Treat" even though they didn't have the budget or storytelling chops to match that movie.

Notable Moment: When Chilly Billy jokes about Paul eating before midnight. Somehow this felt like it might have been ad-libbed given the reaction, but, either way, this was the kind of antics that should have been played up.

Final Rating: 5/10

The Curse of Bridge of Hollow Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Shenanigans ensue after a family inadvertently awakens an evil spirit on Halloween.

Review: The plot isn't exactly original, what with decorations coming to life, however, this is that right level of Halloween hi-jinks presentable for the whole family; things are scary but not too scary. The tone and comedy elements are what I'd expect for modern audiences despite being on the cornball side, and, of course, Netflix making the dad low-key racist. The film would have benefited from some extra kick--an x-factor of some sort--to put this movie on par with things like "Goosebumps" or "Hocus Pocus," but it can hold its own.

Where I think "The Curse of Bridge Hollow" will shine is with the wide variety of decorations coming to life to attack the townspeople. I can see some plot elements being a tad edgier than a PG rating, but, the story still plays things relatively safe. I want to say this was designed more with the tween demo and their parents in mind, but it has Disney channel vibes more befitting of a younger demographic. Likewise, some of the references are probably more adult focused like "The Walking Dead" so make of that what you will. I should also mention no one actually dies, but they do talk about the villain trying to send someone to hell in his place.

At this point there are probably way more low-budget horror movies about Halloween than family ones, but it's good to see filmmakers are still producing content. Overall, the sets and pacing are solid with the town taking center stage. While there is little struggle for the characters to overcome, I did like the way the family dynamics mixed with the main girl's new friends .I don't think this is going to be anyone's favorite or some kind of classic in the making, but it's a novel change worth at least a viewing.

Notable Moment: When the neighbor goes full Rick Grimes mode with the shotgun.

Final Rating: 6/10

10/31 Part II Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A sequel continuing the Halloween-centric anthology series.

Review: Well, part 1 was painful to sit through, but would you believe part 2 is significantly better? Now, don't get me wrong, this is still low-budget schlock, however, the creators are having more fun with the material. I don't think we get into anything that could be considered good, yet, I think entertainment can be found in this entry.

Fake Trailers: Realistically, these were the best part of the whole film for me. The first trailer in particular was an admirable nod to '70s/early '80s aesthetics. This was that fun-factor I was looking for from these low-budget movies, and they succeeded.

Wraparound: They bring back that fake Elvira again even though she's more useless this time than before. I don't understand why the filmmakers did not have her serve as the setup and closing to each segment. This would have helped explain some of the more shenanigan-heavy moments. Oh well, maybe they'll learn by part 3?

A Samhain Liturgy: As the first story proper this is a bit of a mess. Some girl is babysitting a brat and wants her boyfriend to come over. Then we get a slew of nonsensical plot points ripped from countless movies: the kid has a monster in the basement, the parents are part of a cult, the brat is a wannabe Michael Myers: Rob Zombie edition, the babysitter is actually a chosen one, etc. I mean, I guess the crew tried, right?

Dead Lift: I want to like this tale, but two things hold it back. One: the audio is fucking shit! Two: it borders on pretentious. The main guy is a fake Uber or Lyft and picks up an alien seemingly. There is a good buildup, but I don't think we have nearly enough time or setup to tackle the themes at play. Rather than this thought-provoking introspection about life that the crew is going for, things come off incoherent and the ending is corny without much resolution. Nonetheless, I do want to acknowledge I appreciate the effort involved in this particular tale compared to the rest.

Apache Hatchet Massacre II: This was definitely filler material to pad out the run time. In some ways I get the parody-like approach, but it's nowhere near balls to walls like the title would imply. The crazy part is that it's barely longer than some of the fake trailers and nowhere near their level of charm.

Overkill: Now this was closer to the parody level that the last story was striving to become. We start off with a Jason clone killing a couple before moving on to his next victim. However, discount Jason has competition with another serial killer wanting the glory. While they "argue," a clown appears and some grim reaper-ish guy steals the kill. Eh, I wasn't laughing, but the goofy setup did amuse me.

Sister Mary: Oh man, this is not how you close out an anthology, baby. This was both pretentious and dumb as fuck. Some porn star-looking nun lives a normal life when not at the convent or something. She meets some dude, they fall in love, she gets pregnant, and loses her mind. She decides the only way to fix things is to kill her guy and take a stairwell abortion. The other nuns will never know what happened. Makes perfect sense...if you're an idiot. So this lets the devil come for her or something. Whatever, dude. The end.

So, as you can probably tell, this still isn't the kind of movie you're going to write home about. With that said, there was more care to these segments with better effects and presentation. You still have to understand the kind of cornball film you'll get, but it's a leg above part 1.

Notable Moment: I'm going to say the first trailer, "Treaters," was the highlight of the whole experience for me.

Final Rating: 4.5/10

10/31 Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A series of low-budget tales related to Halloween.

Review: I've covered so many of these low-budget anthologies over the years that I'm starting to wonder why anyone keeps making them. While these particular stories were admittedly on the original side, they're still rough around the edges and, ultimately, lack any kind of substance. My main gripe is that these particular segments drag on far too long to pad out the run time. Also, the acting can be utterly painful at times. So let's check this shit out.

Wraparound: This hardly qualifies as a wraparound in my book. We get a wannabe Elvira that introduces the movie and then closes things out. There are no interludes or reactions to each individual story so that sucks.

The Old Hag: I suppose this is the best entry of the five...which isn't saying much. Two guys are trying to make an advertisement for some bed and breakfast. The one guy sees the titular hag lurking about the old mansion until it comes to kill them in their sleep. The caretaker of the mansion apparently can't sleep unless people die? Whatever.

Trespassers: This was complete nonsense. A couple on their first date visit some haunted farm. There's something about a scarecrow and Farmer John killing his family. But, wait, it's actually vampires or something. The guy comes ready to slay vampires, including his date, but then becomes one himself? I don't know.

Killing the Dance: This was torture--talk about dicking around. Some chick is going to run away with her girlfriend or something? But she decides to hang around at a roller rink and watch everyone skating in an endless, dizzying circle until the characters themselves are bored. Finally, a killer appears to slash everyone up. Turns out that it's the girl's unhinged mom as the killer. But, wait, there's more! The brother of the main chick has psychic powers and blows up the mom's head. Okay then.

The Halloween Blizzard of '91: There was potential here to go far outside the box, but, alas, this story is a failure. A rare snow storm on Halloween cancels the festivities for the most part as a family remains indoors. You'd think the family would have a bigger reaction when they still get creepy trick or treaters at the door but nope. Then Santa shows up, because people are starting to like Halloween more than Christmas. Whaaaaat? Whatever these people are smoking pass that shit my way.

The Samhain Slasher: Closing things out is this cornball "Halloween" ripoff. Totally not Michael Myers is on the loose killing people. We see ghosts or demons just for the hell of it which makes no sense. Eventually fake Michael Myers kills everyone. The end. Wowwee. What a story, Mark.

I forgive low-budget movies quite often, but this was pretty tough to slog through. Each story simply drags on with bad effects, bad lighting, bad acting, and aimless direction. So many shots are zoomed in considerably to hide the background limitations which makes for a terrible viewing experience. I was honestly surprised I didn't fall asleep, because I was getting bored as hell. I can appreciate the originality to these stories, but that's about the best compliment I can give out. This is an easy pass.

Notable Moment: When Santa appears out of left field. Hey, why not, right?

Final Rating: 3.5/10

Halloween Ends Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Step aside Rob Zombie, we have a new contender for the worst "Halloween" entry.

Review: Get Michael off that fucking poster! This is a Twilight-esque, emo bitch romance movie guest starring Michael Myers. I am in complete disbelief by the sheer, unbridled idiocy at hand here. Like, this was a trilogy, right? The same crew worked on these three movies, RIGHT?! So how in the hell could anyone claiming to be a fan think this would serve as a respectable sequel let alone a final entry and, goodness gracious, a final defeat for Michael?! Abso-fucking-lutely nothing works here...on any level. This is an incoherent mess that tries to go in a million different directions and can't decide on anything while simultaneously ignoring everything from the last 2 installments. This isn't even a "you can't please everyone" kind of conclusion--this was made for no one.

I must focus my fury and somehow explain the endless series of idiotic decisions. Let's start with our boy, Michael. I streamed this hot garbage so I could actually see how long it took for Michael to make an appearance, and it was just about the 41 minute mark. Let that sink in. It takes 41 minutes to even see Michael once! And it's not like Mikey comes out swinging. Oh no. He's a tired old man resting or dying or whatever the hell this stupid story was trying to imply. Unless I'm forgetting something, Michael has a total of 5 scenes in the entire film. His first appearance where he grabs Corey in the sewer from the trailer, when he gets his first kill to "reinvigorate" himself, when he pointlessly kills the one nurse, when he pathetically wrestles with Corey, and the final battle which he didn't even want to participate in! It's almost comically funny. If you thought we'd get some big reveal regarding Mikey or explanations after "Halloween Kills" then forget that shit. Is Michael transcending--becoming the boogeyman? Nope. This movie strongly implies Michael's strength comes from killing people, whether it be mental or actually physical, yet doesn't explain why he would stop killing for 4 years. Why is he hiding in a sewer? How come he is able to lift the nurse in the air with one hand, but then can't even stop Corey from stealing his mask? How did he know Corey would end up at Laurie's house? Why would he spare Corey? They seemingly have a connection as if Mikey is passing on his essence to Corey, however, the filmmakers do not commit to the bit. In fact, they can't commit to anything one way or another which creates this enormous, jumbled mess for a story.

Speaking of which...this movie has no idea what it wants to be. Corey is a new character, and, essentially, takes over the entire story. He accidentally killed some brat one Halloween and the town has treated him like an outcast ever since. He then bonds with Laurie and Allyson since they're also treated like misfits. The vast majority of the story revolves around Corey and Allyson falling in love over the course of like four days. This is teen girl, CW level shit, dude; this isn't even a damn "Halloween" movie for fuck's sake! While this cornball romance is unfolding, we get forced scenes to establish all the future victims as assholes deserving of getting their comeuppance. Which, I have to mention, "Halloween Ends" has THE, hands down, uncontested weakest/dumbest bullies ever depicted in a motion picture. The icing on the cake is that the few characters left who actually have a connection to Michael barely do anything except interact with this pathetic Allyson/Corey romance. Come to think of it, one character kind of suggests the basis for this film's story: what if Michael and Laurie had been in love. That vomit-inducing, fanfic kind of thinking is basically what we got here. Ahhhh god...why?! This can't be real.

At one point I was just praying for something not retarded to happen...anything! I thought, maybe Corey will get revenge on people and blame it on Michael only for the big man himself to emerge. Nope. Instead, Corey is seemingly possessed by Michael, having those black eyes Loomis spoke about. Except...he's not and just wants to be with Allyson? I don't know. Corey wants Michael to help him...then he wants to be like Michael...then he wants to be Michael. Uh huh. Can you pick one and just stick with it?! Laurie realizes Michael isn't after her as she was explicitly told in "Kills" but is convinced it is about her again anyway? In fact, why is Laurie narrating this movie? It makes no sense under this context. Would she really become a regular grandma after being nuts for 40 years? Basically, the filmmakers couldn't decide what to do with Laurie or any character for that matter.

Corey's descent into madness is not handled properly or makes no sense whatsoever if Michael is not supernatural. After meandering about for, roughly, 90 minutes, Corey steals Michael's mask and tries to become him--going on his own killing spree that feels completely unearned. He even tries to kill Laurie who easily defeats the crybaby. Yet, once again, this story fumbles and makes Corey kill himself to make it appear Laurie killed him. The idea is that it will make it look as though Laurie needs Michael in her life...except that has nothing to do with the themes shown thus far. This doesn't matter anyhow since Mikey magically knows where his mask is and comes to get it. This then begins the most disappointing finale I could possibly imagine. Mikey struggles to beat Laurie who manages to pin him down and cut his throat. But he breaks free and strangles Laurie who wants to die...except she doesn't? Once again, I don't fucking know! But, seriously, how can Mikey take this kind of beating and still be a normal human? He then has his wrists slit before the cops show up. At last, in a scene that would have made more sense at the end of "Kills," Michael's body is paraded around town for everyone to see he's truly dead before being thrown into a grinder. What an unearned, unceremonious lame defeat for Michael Myers. Nearly 45 years of the character creeping out generations of audiences only to slowly bleed out in an impromptu fight he didn't even want to engage in! Again, it's almost comically moronic to think about. Like...the guy was literally forced out of hiding at the last minute for his final showdown and no one saw a problem with that dumbass of a setup?!!! The guy was king of the world at the end of "Kills," but there is no transition to how he got to this state of being or why he quit killing that night.

I've had a bad feeling about this movie from the moment they announced that 4 year time jump as it makes no sense from a narrative standpoint. Two installments in a trilogy take place the same night but then jump in time for the third? Why? Then, my bullshit alarm was going haywire when this movie began with a cornball song the opposite tone any "Halloween" should ever have. Way to set the atmosphere for the garbage to come. Contrast that with "Halloween Kills" and that amazing and effective ambient track, "Logos Kills." I mean--GODDAMN--it's beyond night and day in comparison. In fact, "Ends" is full of normal songs...some completely on the nose that have titles to correspond with dialogue of the characters. Other than the godawful Rob Zombie entries, no other installment has used a traditional soundtrack in place of the "Halloween" themes and tracks. Weirder still is that John Carpenter himself helped to work on the last two soundtracks to create new, fantastic and haunting melodies. Those all go out the window here.

And when I say they fucked up every facet of film making I mean it. The look and style of "Ends" is too bright. The pacing is too slow except for the scenes with Michael which are rushed over. The actual kills are lame and lack impact. By the way, most deaths are by Corey with Michael killing a, whopping, TWO people (three if you want to count finishing off Corey which I don't). I cannot stress enough the vastness in tone between "Kills" and "Ends." There is no word in the English language that can adequately express the level of disappointment I felt watching this. What more can I say? This was a horrifically bad film that failed miserably as a final entry--serving to waste its own potential and the audience's time--that learned nothing from past mistakes and decided to one-up them. There is simultaneously so much more to say and nothing left to say. Watching all my favorite franchises go down in flames over the last decade has been a sight to behold. I was angry, but now I don't care.

Notable Moment: When Corey and Allyson are dancing at that party, That was the moment when I realized this was now the new worst "Halloween," and a sinking, depressing feeling sunk over me.

Final Rating: 3/10