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Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Ramblings of Ryan Volume 9

Before the dark times, before the Disney Empire.

So...in the past three months I've only put out two movie reviews. That is pitiful! At first it was just a combination of being tired from work and laziness. And it didn't help when I began a series to review but lost interest halfway in (as was the case for "Home Alone"). However, when I watched that abomination, "Star Wars: The Last Jedi," it pretty much killed my interest altogether. Seeing my favorite franchise--a movie series that shaped my writing style and thinking since I was a kid--so thoroughly ruined and destroyed...it was hard to take. Not to mention, the overwhelming incompetence in the writing and agenda-driven storytelling made me indescribably angry. Believe me, I could have written a helluva lot more in my review listing the nearly endless problems with TLJ. This single movie nearly brought my love of film to an end. Then I remembered to stop being a little bitch and have decided to carry on. I will try to get back to my usual quantity of reviews from here on out.

Connected to more reviews is that I've signed up for a service called MoviePass. Now, don't take this as any kind of endorsement. I'm just stating that the current deal is too good for me to ignore and will probably result in a lot more of my reviews incorporating new releases. As it stands, I pay $10 a month to see a movie a day. That's a ridiculous deal to me. There aren't that many good movies out to fully utilize the deal, however, it'll provide me the chance to watch things I'd typically skip over at the theatrical level. Even if they bump up the price to $20-30, it's still worth it; anything beyond that price I'd cancel though.

With February coming up, I'll see what chick flicks I can scrounge up this time around. I've mostly filled the movie void with playing PS4 so I'll have to switch gears. Good thing I'm just about done with beating "Final Fantasy VII" for the first time in over a decade. Still as incredible as the first time though! Also, I need to start thinking about a good lineup for May's Asian horror month. I haven't reviewed nearly enough Asian movies lately. As always, if anyone has a suggestion, feel free to send it to me!

Insidious: The Last Key Review


Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: This time around we learn the events leading up to Elise discovering her powers and stopping the haunting of her childhood home.

Review: The last key, huh? More like the last fucking straw from me. I should have listened to my own review for part 3 since it pretty much explains everything wrong with this entry as well. At this point, I have to declare part 1 the fluke since all subsequent entries are significantly worse in quality and storytelling. Now, the writer, Leigh Whannell, can turn out quality work, yet, he seems determined to make the focus of this series the Elise character. She is low on the list of traits that made the original "Insidious" succeed. In fact, the usage of the actress, Lin Shaye, is what is holding back any potential to explore this universe. She's an old woman...playing a character who died...you're boxing yourself into a corner here. Stop.

But let's get to the meat of the problems here. The story is utterly moronic, full of holes and wasted potential, and not scary whatsoever. This entry takes place before part 3, after part 3, and sometimes during part 1. If you aren't keeping up on the story line, you will probably be wondering what the hell is going on with random shots that go nowhere. Meaning, we see Dalton, the Lambert family, the Darth Maul demon, and references to Quinn from part 3. That's fine and dandy, but how about filling in the loose threads still ongoing?! Like what the hell happened with Elise's husband, what did Elise see at the end of part 2, why was Elise seeing the bride in black, and, if the further lets you travel through time, why does no one utilize this? Now we have more questions added too. For instance, why didn't Elise ever mention having a family member who also had psychic powers? For someone who had a tortured childhood, she sure seemed to have a zest for life in part 1 and the flashback in part 2. There appears to be little consistency in character motive.

Maybe you don't care about all that jazz. Maybe all you want are some cheap scares or whatever. Sorry, but part 4 does not deliver on the goods. All we get is a Kayako-clone running around who fits more in line with "The Sixth Sense" and some demon with key-fingers. First up, the Kayako-clone is stupid since now we have a ghost that even Elise can't see...but the cameras can...? Whaaaat? And for a mostly benevolent spirit, she sure does some creepy shit. Next up, the key demon does very little outside of one jump scare. He's hyped up like he's the mastermind behind all of these hauntings or something yet he is simply bitch-slapped once and defeated completely! That IS a good one!

The problems with this film are nearly endless. Why bother making the setting a prison town when neither the prison nor any ghosts associated with the prison appear? Imagine that potential right there! You could have all kind of cool sets and ghosts appearing yet none of that happens. Elise even says there are so many spirits yet we see, what, three?! And, even then, was the ghostly boy real or just the key demon trying to gain Elise's trust? After all, they use the same voice seemingly. Worse, this key demon is supposedly possessing people only to become a super lame serial killer. And his body count is like 10 people after like 50 years of rampaging. PLUS, they have a twist where we realize Elise's dad was possessed, however, didn't she enter his mind to fuck with him while he was possessed? Shouldn't she have seen he wasn't in control?! Also, I loved how Elise's psychic niece was joking with Specs while her sister's life was hanging in the balance. Believe it or not, it is possible to write serious scenes without Marvel-esque humor. Fuck.

Okay, I've said enough. This movie is too stupid to give this much mental effort. It's just still hard to believe that a movie as amazing as "Insidious" has had such terrible followups. Imagine how much better this series could have been if they simply made standalone movies that (maybe) had overlap between hauntings. Oh well. What you get here is wasted potential out the ass in regard to Elise's origin, the prison setting, and the implications regarding the key demon. There are only a few scary moments and they typically focus on the Kayako-clone who isn't meant to be an evil spirit anyway. "Insidious: The Last Key" fails to deliver anything of worth to the series. On the other hand, this entry does succeed in boxing the franchise into a corner, retcons concepts, and opens up more loose ends that will, undoubtedly, go unaddressed. Can't wait for part 5...that takes place 10 minutes before part 1, 500 days of summer after part 2, and 1000 years before part 3 with Lin Shaye playing her own ancestor accused of being a witch.

Notable Moment: When the key demon appears in the luggage. I did like the presentation of building up to the inevitable scare. It was like watching a visual representation of the "Jaws" theme in action. This was probably the only good part in the entirety of the film...and it was still predictable.

Final Rating: 4.5/10